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I would like him to, but won't force it.

Nope. I don't like them to do things they are uncomfortable with. My mil will continually pester them for hugs and kisses, so I usually end up picking one up and tell her to wave. The other one will usually run away, so I'll call for her to wave as well.

I don't think teaching bodily autonomy has anything to do with whether or not you suspect there might be abuse, or how good somebody is to somebody else. My parents are wonderful to me but I don't always feel like hugging them. My husband is my favourite adult in the world but I'm not always in the mood for a hug. I don't see any reason why this should be different for a kid. I expect him to say goodbye in some way, because that's just manners, but I don't expect it to be physical.

I don't like to be touched by anyone but my husband and maaaaybe my immediate family. So no, I won't force the issue. I also just don't like the idea of putting it into their heads that they ever have to hug someone they don't want to.

I expect that they will because they always want to, but I don't think I would every try to convince them to or insist that they do. I want to teach them from a young age that they are in charge of their bodies.

Yes, I will say "go give grandma and grandpa hugs and loves" and she does. If she is in a mood I don't force it but we very much encourage it.

Edit: I still hug and kiss my grandma every time I see her and every time I leave her. At 30 I know how precious time is, this was something instilled in us at a young age.

I expect it in that she's obsessed with her Mimi and has never turned a hug down, but not expected in that it's forced or a requirement

he usually does it on his own, but i am not into telling him to hug/kiss/touch or be touched by people he doesn't want to.

Yes, I expect it. It's a small thing that means a lot to the grandparents. I've never had to force it, though, and I wouldn't. But I would be disappointed if she chose not to.

@Ree723: Agreed!

I'll expect her to hug them goodbye but I obviously can't force it. But she will be told that she is hurting their feelings if she refuses.

Nope, no using any kind of coercion (whether through emotional guilt or whatever) to force physical affection that they don't want to give.

To restate the whole "bodily autonomy" argument in a different way: Kids don't understand the difference between "I have to hug/kiss Grandma because she's so good to me, even though I'm not comfortable" and "I have to sit on my scout leader's lap because he's so good to me, even though I'm not comfortable." Or whatever.

I suggest it but it's no big deal if they don't.

@catomd00: Or it could be simply teaching children that their actions impact others.... Meh, guess it all depends on how you view it and your relationship with your parents/ILs. My view is shaped by the fact that this rarely is an issue with my girls, and when it does occur, it's usually because they're having a bit of a tantrum or being a bit contrary, not because they generally are uncomfortable with physical affection. If I thought that was the case, it would be a different story but I know my girls, I know our family dynamics, and I feel perfectly comfortable and confident that we are not emotionally manipulating or damaging our children. I also have full confidence that they recognise the difference between grandparents and everyone else as we certainly don't ask or encourage them to hug anyone else, even aunts and uncles, unless they instigate it.

I think it's hard for all of us to fully understand other people's family dynamics in this regard. We're all shaped by our own experiences as a child and now as an adult. I come from a very affectionate family and a very affectionate friend group. In my world, hugs are given every time you greet and say goodbye to someone who is even remotely important to you. To me, it's normal. I never felt pressured to give others hugs as a child but it was so much the norm, we always did it and felt completely comfortable with it. DH was similar. Now we're the same with our kids and they're comfortable with it. But I can see how it would be hard for someone who comes from a less affectionate background, or who isn't comfortable with physical affection, to truly understand that....

No, I just expect her to be polite (I mean, as polite as 2 year old can be) and communicate some type of goodbye. We blow a lot of kisses around here because that's what she's most comfortable with.

No, we only expect the kids to say bye. Their grandparents aren't big huggers so no one's feelings are hurt.

I do have a young relative who must have had it drilled into her that if you see family, you hug, and I feel so bad for her! We're not close at all but she'll hug me when she sees me, totally ignore me during the entire visit, then hug again when leaving. So she's basically hugging people who are almost strangers to her just because "you're supposed to"... so awkward!

I mean, I expect/would like her to but I don't force her. She's only 2, making her give someone a hug seems counter productive to me. She will usually hug them or least say goodbye unless she is super grouchy. I feel like at this age it's lead by example.

Wow okay I am the odd one out... Maybe I should take as a hint not to respond but I voted yes and I do force it if they are being shy by saying over and over again. I feel they are being lazy for the most part if they don't do it like don't want to get off the couch to walk over to the door before their grandparents leave. Maybe if I sense a different reason for not wanting to I wouldn't force it.

It is their grand parents, I know the grandparents like it and when I am old I would like a hug and kiss from my grandkids. I only do this for grandparents.

No, it's completely up to him. Just like if he doesn't want to give me a hug!

I do require good manners, so I encourage her to say hello and goodbye to everyone as they/we come and go. I sometimes ask if she wants to give someone a high five when meeting.

ETA: I loooathe forced hugging (when forced on me).

I'll never force it. I'd expect DD to at least say good bye. DD is only 15 weeks old so it's not an issue yet but I feel my MIL will have major issues with this when DD is older and refuses a hug/kiss. Not looking forward to that battle.