I know this has been asked before so lets get the exception out of the way - you know that there is no case of abuse. Do you expect your child to hug his/her grandparents goodbye when you are leaving and not seeing them again for a while?
I expect my child to hug her grandparents when we leave. They are SO good to her, she needs to be thankful for that and hug them when we leave.
140 votes
pineapple / 12802 posts
Nope. I will suggest it, sometimes encourage it, but if he says no, then that's ok; maybe next time.
coconut / 8483 posts
I mean, he can if he wants and it's nice if he does. But if he doesn't want to I don't care. I'm not going to make him touch someone he doesn't want to.
pear / 1809 posts
@Mrs. Champagne: I feel the same way. I hated as a kid being forced to hug people I didn't want to. Some kids are naturally more touchy feely than others, and I wasn't one of them. I still rarely hug people.
hostess / wonderful persimmon / 25556 posts
@aprild: @Mrs. Champagne: do you find grandparents to just be "people?" I mean, I get not hugging other people or people she may not know well but she knows her grandparents well and we are all very close. I don't consider them just random people. For us the grandparents are an exception. You follow the rule for everyone?
pomelo / 5220 posts
My LO is little and doesn't see his grandparents too often so I don't expect him to yet.
GOLD / wonderful pomegranate / 28905 posts
@mediagirl: I get what you're saying.
We only see my family, maybe, 4-5x a year. And we are all very close. So, yes. I do expect them to hug their grandparents. If she doesn't want to, obviously we're not going to force it. But, yes. I do expect her to.
pineapple / 12802 posts
@aprild: I am not a touchy person at all. AT ALL. I have always hated hugging people. I don't want my kid to hate it, so I do ask him if he wants to, but I would never force him like I was as a child!
pear / 1739 posts
@mediagirl: I always suggest hugging. My kids usually do hug them. On rare occasions when they don't it's whatever. I'm not gonna fight with them
nectarine / 2951 posts
My kid is very close to his grandparents because he sees them all the time. He hasn't refused a hug and kiss yet.
hostess / wonderful persimmon / 25556 posts
I guess I should add, if she refuses, I can't MAKE her. I'm not going to pick her up and throw her into my parents or inlaws arms. 
nectarine / 2641 posts
Nope. My kiddo is told to say goodbye by looking at someone and offering "a hug, a kiss, or a wave." He sees my parents all the time, and generally offers a hug or kiss, but sometimes just a wave. He sees his other grandparents far less often, but he does seem to sense that, and generally offers a hug. But I won't force it. My grandmother continues to push it, but all the other adults will respond with "a hug, a kiss, or a wave" and he'll choose among the options.
I was always forced to hug my relatives, and I hated it. There was no abuse or anything, but I didn't feel close enough to them to hug, and I won't do that to my kids. My little guy LOVES his preschool teachers, sees them often, but doesn't hug them because that's not who he is. I won't ask him to hug people he sees far less often.
persimmon / 1367 posts
I'm not a fan of forcing a child into physical touch, for a variety of reasons. So far LO is very comfortable with hugs/kisses (16 mos), but if that changes I'll offer/encourage a hug/kiss goodbye, but won't force it. I will expect that LO acknowledge the goodbye in some way - wave, handshake, high five, words (ie. "I had fun," "I'll miss you," etc.) - that is meaningful to her and them.
pear / 1809 posts
@mediagirl: I want my child to express affection in whatever way is comfortable to him. If he wants to hug, that's fine. If not, that's fine. I won't be disappointed, because he didn't hug his grandparents. Maybe he would give them a high five instead, like someone suggested. It doesn't mean he doesn't love and care about them.
wonderful kiwi / 23653 posts
Nope. Usually I just asks her to say bye. Sometimes I ask her to kiss or hug but nbd if she doesn't.
persimmon / 1188 posts
I do, and he usually likes to be affectionate with them. It's hard because he sees all of his grandparents at least once a week so he knows them well. You mentioned if he wouldn't see them for awhile so I would still encourage it since his grandparents are so good to him. If he really wasn't in the mood I would let it go. He likes hugging our friends and family he doesn't see much, we don't pressure him but he's so used to doing it and he's a pretty affectionate kid.
pineapple / 12566 posts
It's complicated. I don't make them do it with my family, but kiss kiss on the cheek is the cultural norm in my husband's family.
wonderful pomelo / 30692 posts
Nope. I'll suggest hugging them, but if he doesn't, I'm not going to force it or get upset about it. If they won't hug, we try a high-five, and if they won't do that, we try a wave, and if they don't do that, oh well!
Affection shouldn't be forced. I don't force my kids to endure hugs from me either!
grapefruit / 4819 posts
I expect her to hug them but I don't force it. If either one of my girls refuses, I simply tell them that that is not very nice and hurts grandma's feelings etc. They know grandparents are special people, not just random strangers, and I think it's important that they learn their actions impact other people's feelings. Both sets of grandparents are very involved in our children's lives and very, VERY good to them, so I do expect them to show some appreciation, which at their ages is through hugs and affection.
Call me old school, but I don't see this as an issue with children's autonomy etc. We do the same thing if the girls are being temperamental and refusing to give DH or I a hug or kiss goodnight. We don't force it but we do let them know their actions are hurtful and not very nice. We don't do it with any other extended family members but grandparents are right there next to parents in terms of significance in our children's lives, so I don't see it as an issue of giving them mixed messages.
hostess / wonderful watermelon / 39513 posts
I suggest and they usually want to. If not, nbd!
apricot / 287 posts
I voted yes, because I encourage him to give a kiss (real or blow a kiss) or a hug, which he typically does anyways, but if he's not interested I just tell the grandparents sorry and they're usually okay with that.
grapefruit / 4418 posts
No. Her body her choice. I think it's inappropriate to force unwanted bodily contact and affection. I always ask her to say thank you but she's 2 and doesn't ways oblige. In that case I thank them on her behalf.
grapefruit / 4418 posts
@mediagirl: yes I consider grandparents to be just people, same as myself. If my daughter doesn't want to hug me that's her choice and I will ways respect that. I hVe no problem telling people to back off, including DH and grandparents when they're trying to force it. And my Inlaws watch her 3 days a week so she's around them tons!
grapefruit / 4400 posts
Absolutely. I won't push them into their arms of they aren't doing it in their own, but I 100% expect it.
coconut / 8483 posts
@mediagirl: yeah he doesn't have to hug them. Forcing a hug isn't going to make him like them any more.
He loves them but his weekend he didn't want to hug them good bye (I think he was sad they were leaving) so we didn't push it.
pomelo / 5866 posts
@mediagirl: I think it is socially appropriate thing to teach, encourage and remind. It is our way of saying goodbye. LO hugs her little friends, so why not closest family members. They are taller and may not kneel down to LOs height so I'm kind of cueing the adults too when I remind her.
GOLD / wonderful apricot / 22646 posts
We expect it, but we don't force it. He's typically usually very good about it though. He also sees both sets of grandparents very frequently as they live close to us, so it's not a big deal if he doesn't feel like hugging them one time.
wonderful pea / 17279 posts
I expect it, but won't push it. I hug my parents when we depart as well as friends, my husband, and even some work colleagues. In a sense if I model this behavior and do one prompt, " we're leaving let's give so and so a good bye hug" I expect my kid to follow. If he doesn't that's cool.
pomegranate / 3438 posts
It is such a natural part of our routine when saying goodbye that it has never been an issue. LO hugs family when leaving just like we do.
nectarine / 2173 posts
I don't like hugging people and hate this part of goodbyes. I won't request my children do this. They certainly need to say goodbye and thank you though!
pear / 1998 posts
I'm not sure what I will do once our baby gets here, but DH has a large family and at every single get-together, hugs are given to everyone when they arrive and when they leave.
One of my young nieces is really shy. My MIL gets offended when she doesn't want to hug. Usually she is in the arms of one of her parents and gets a hug by default when MIL goes to hug the nieces parent.
I don't mind the hugs, but it takes so freaking long to say hello/goodbye. I wish it wasn't as big of a deal in his family.
But I think I will kind of expect my kid to hug their grandparents, but I won't force them - and like others have said, offer an alternative that still reflects social norms - a wave, high five, handshake, words, etc. I don't really expect it to be an issue.
eggplant / 11716 posts
yup, it's expected in our families. A hug in my family and a kiss on the cheek in DHs family. Our LO loves being affectionate though!
coconut / 8079 posts
He usually gives a kiss on the cheek, a high five, or a wave. I ask him if he wants to give a kiss before we leave and he usually wants to. If not no one will force it.
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