If there is one thing I've always told myself is that I don't want to follow the path my parents had. They got separated when I was 5 and even though they have an amazing relationship, I do NOT want to be separated and a single mom at any point in my life. That shit scares the bejesus out of me. Not that I couldn't do it, but that we are doomed to be like are parents.
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Yeah, a little.
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My parents have been happily married and they're still really grossly (cutely?) in love after 39 years of marriage (this September). Hoping DH and I can be as happy as they are in 36 years!
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@chopsuey119: oh that is WONDERFUL!!!
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@bluestriped bee: Well my older sister did part of it. She got divorced (prior to children) but still... are we doomed?
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Nope. They are still happily married. If I go my mom's direction, I'll raise kids, then jump right back into a career and climb as high as I care to within 10 years, and we'll both have stable jobs with guaranteed retirement in addition to my military retirement, with lots of family support and close family ties. If I go my dad's direction, I'll plug along, happy as a clam and busy.
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@cyneswith: Well that's awesome!!! I love having a great example to follow. I hope we will be that for our kids.
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My parents are still married after 26 years, but I don't think I want their relationship. They seem happy enough, but they don't spend much time together and they aren't lovey-dovey at all (I can't remember hearing them say "I love you" to each other...maybe they just don't say it around us?)
My grandparents, on the other hand, are totally my inspiration. Still obviously, head over heels, in love after 56 years
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@chopsuey119: Aw!! That's precious!!
My parents had a rough relationship, but I see how strong my dad is putting up with all that my mom puts him through. They're still married. The hubby and I are amazed at my dad and hope to exhibit that kind of love and committment to each other forever.
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I kind of hope to go down my parents path. Married happily for 36 years, both extremely successful in their careers, awesome kids (pats self on back), nice house...
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My parents have been happily married for 34 years and both have successful careers so I hope I do as well as them!
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@chopsuey119: my parents are the same way!! Although I remember lots of shouting matches when I was younger. My parents seemed to become so much happier and more in love once us kids moved out of the house!
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I wouldn't wish my parents' experience on anyone. They were always nice to each other and my mom had unbelievable patience, but mental illness and extreme debt are enough to scare anyone.
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I'm not worried that we'll end up like my parents, but I don't want to be like them. They divorced when I was an infant and only tolerated each other for my sake. My dad had custody over me and had to work hard to get any child support from my mom. When I was as young as four she would ask me not to tell my dad about the men she had spending the night.
I know my husband and I aren't going to end up like that because we've already been married longer then they were, and we didn't get married because of a pregnancy.
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My parents just celebrated their 30th wedding anniversary and are still crazy in love. I wouldn't mind following in exactly those footsteps.
However, they have often been co-dependent in their relationship (starting and stopping smoking multiple times for example) and don't seem to encourage each other to be better. They both seem to give each other passes to not try or to quit when things get tough. I don't really want that aspect of their relationship. DH and I constantly challenge each other and give one another the boost we need to get over a hard time and keep improving, and I love that aspect of our relationship.
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Sometimes I'm afraid of it. They are still married and I think generally happy with it, but I don't always like the way they interact. From what I see, my dad does whatever he wants and gets annoyed when my mom asks "annoying" questions like, when will you be home, will you be home for dinner? And my mom puts up with it without saying anything until it builds up and she flips out over something really small, only it's actually everything and my dad's like, what, sorry I was late this ONE time. So I guess it works for them, but our relationship is much more balanced and we work on communication all the time. But yeah, I'd like to still be married 35 years later!
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No, I'm not worried about it. Both my husband and I have divorced parents, and both of our fathers married the woman they cheated on our mothers with. Living through that as kids made us both more careful in our decision to get married, and while we rarely argue, we feel like we're very constructive in the way that we do - in conscious effort to avoid the destructive habts we witnessed in our parents. I think we both feel better equipped in handling conflict and in understanding how not to let small things build into larger fights and/or resentment.
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I hope I end up like my parents. They just had their 39th anniversary
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I'm not worried about ending up like my parents. They have a great life and really love each other and I would actually be very happy to end up like them. I AM concerned that we will end up like my husband's parents. Husband's parents have MAJOR communication issues that have led to trust and money issues. We don't share any big common traits with his parents so it won't happen, but every once in a while I get freaked from thinking it could happen to us.
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It's my life's goal to end up like my parents. They have been happily married for 37 years, they were very successful financially, they are close to their families, and involved in their community. They raised two kids who are now both successful in their careers and happily married. My parents kind of kicked ass at life if you ask me : )
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