Clearly we are all very honest on here and share our ups and downs. However, some of my friends don't seem to want to share any downs. Is it possible they don't have any? Or do they just not want to say anything negative? I always think it is the latter but maybe that is just the pessimist in me talking. What do you all think?
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I have a friend who is a parent and she shares some of her downs, but certainly not all of them! I think she's holding back a little because she really wants me and my husband to have a baby, so she doesn't want to scare us, haha.
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DH's best friend's wife has two toddler boys and she shares all of the real stories. Her best friend, who is also a friend of DH, does not share her stories and apparently has "perfect children." She's also the same way about her marriage though.
I think my friends that tend to be "rainbows and butterflies" about marriage will be same about kids as well.
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Haha, I have a baby that is a terrible sleeper. Everyone else I know has kids that have slept through the night since birth, or so they say. You really have no idea what goes on in someone's house, so I tend not to believe what anyone says!
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Impossible! Even though they don't share it, there are downs and things they aren't very proud of as a parent. Sure they won't say it, because of the "mommy competition" but they aren't perfect.
Even the most patient person looses patience at one time.
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I definitely know someone who apparently has "perfect" children (both under 20 months, so I know it's not true). They sleep through the night, eat all of their food, and never act up. I'm not sure why they parents feel like they need to tell everyone about how perfect their kids are but they definitely do.
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I know parents who act as if all is rainbows and butterflies and in my mind I just remind myself, "Ugh, they're so full of $#!+." There is NO way it can be perfect. Unless their babies are some sort of alien form where they speak and take care of themselves.
Also, my friends who don't have kids, actually don't like it when I tell them the REAL stories of motherhood because they think I'm being selfish and ungrateful. They think that because I wanted a baby for so long, I shouldn't complain about how hard it is. SIGH.
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@Rubies - I find that telling my pregnant friends any of the real truth is a waste of time because no one believes that it is going to be difficult. I don't know why there is this big myth out there about sunshine and rainbows. And everyone should be allowed a venting session every once in a while.
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@Andrea: I know, right??? Frig.
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parenting is difficult?
haha, just kidding. i agree with Andrea... I've talked about parenting woes with pregnant friends or friends without kids yet, but I don't think they totally believe it. It's like things go in one ear and out the other.
I used to vent almost 24/7 to a close co-worker of mine, so she heard it all. Now she has a 2 month old and she says she's so shocked about how hard it is. I was like, really? I told her so many REAL stories, did she not believe any of it?
I do think you don't really understand what it's like until you have your own. She used to always say she knew what it was like because she had tons of nieces and nephews... Definitely not the same and she only gets that now.
I will also say that if your kid is around 18-20 mos, you're in a pretty nice stage so parents at that time tend to forget the downs of infancy and talk about how fun it is alot. talk to a parent who has a 2 or 3 year old and you'll hear how hard it is dealing with tantrums and what not...
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My SIL and a friend of mine are that way. They talk about how great motherhood is ALL of the time. They never talk about the downs. It's frustrating because I felt like I wasn't normal when I first had my LO.
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I don't know anyone like that actually. My friends are pretty brutally honest about parenting woes. We try not to complain in front of friends who are TTC because I think it freaks them out a bit. But sometimes you can't help it!
I'm not one to complain much so some people might think I'm like that (people who aren't close to me). I just don't like to go around and tell people my problems unless they're my close friends. But my close friends definitely hear all of my parenting woes and then some!
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I share funny stories with friends about parenting ups and downs. We def have our share of imperfections but I don't get that down about it. Like LO pooped on the floor this afternoon so I was laughing with my friend about it. So I guess I can laugh the bad things off cause parenting is what it is, so I don't try to hide them but I don't really get upset by them either, so I guess some people might think I express it as all butterflies.
I do have one childless friend who for some reason seems to pick up on the slightest bit of negativity and ask questions implying everything must suck so I do try to not really share as much with her because it just turns into her seeming like she wants to whine about my daughter (who she's only met twice as a newborn) or how parenting is sucky and I don't really like gossiping in general so even when my LO poops on the floor I don't like it to become too much of a complain fest about her.
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To be honest, I rarely tell other people about parenting difficulties. It's not that I never have hard days (ugh, yesterday was REALLY tough), but more that I'm a naturally optimistic person and I tend to forget the hard parts really quickly. Hell, directly after giving birth to both of my kids I told my husband I was ready to do it again! He was like, "Ummmm, did you forget that you were telling me how you're never getting pregnant again only 15 minutes ago?"
It's not that I'm trying to pretend the hard times don't exist; I just forget them too quickly!Also, I do think difficulties are kinda private issues. I've never vented about my husband to anyone (friends, family, co-workers... anyone) because I think it's kind of a breech of our relationship. That feeling kinda transfers over to our kids, too; I don't like complaining about them, even when they deserve it.
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I have a facebook friend who says everything is perfect all the time. "Just got back from the doctor, they said LO is perfect!" "LO ate all of her food tonight, she's perfect, yipeee!" Etc. etc, etc.
And then her mom told my mom she has stranger anxiety and won't let her grandma hold her. Yay for NOT being perfect!
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Maybe they're just trying to keep a positive attitude? Being positive through tough things can make them easier, or at least seem easier!
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i do think some people just have an extremely positive outlook. alas i'm not one of those people!
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@Honeybee: @Minnie_Girl: @Mrs. Bee: i think being positive is one thing but staring blankly/innocently back at me while i am "complaining" is another. don't tell me that you have *never* had a bad day. sometimes people make their lives seem perfect as a way to gloat over others and that is what i don't care for.
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Ahhhh yes, the peeps that *airbrush* their lives (and by that I do not mean optimistic, I mean the illusionists!) . . . I guess it's their story and they can tell it any way they want to tell it, but it's kinda like the recent cosmetics ads that have been pulled (like for Demi) because they are just *too* perfect (and plastic-y) . . . we all know what's underneath, at least to some degree, so at least don't try to sell me sunshine and rainbows when we both know there has been at least one cloudy day and/or a swarm of locusts or two!
It's not that I'm trying to pretend the hard times don't exist; I just forget them too quickly!Reply
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