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Yes! My mom was great. She took care of me and the house while I took care of the baby. Sure, she sometimes got on my nerves but I got over it - home cooked meals and a clean house were worth it. It was also a blessing when DS2 was born. I think that's why DS1 adjusted so well. There was always someone around to pay him attention.
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@autumnlove: I felt the same as you! I didn't want anyone around except for the occasional drop-in visitor.
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@kjpugs: we moved across the country! But this only meant staying with us for weeks on end because they couldn't bear to be apart from their granddaughter instead of shorter local (or semilocal) visits. My mom still makes me feel guilty for being so far away!!
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You know, my instincts told me I wouldn't want anyone around except DH, but everybody towards the end of pregnancy convinced me I'd want the help. I'd even got the idea in my head that inviting our mothers to stay was "the right thing to do," like as a gift to them.
But it was bad. My mom stayed the first week and was actually helpful in terms of cooking, cleaning, staying out of the way, letting DH and I get a bit of rest while she held the sleeping baby. But I felt really trapped in terms of expressing all the jumbled emotions I had, because I'm not that comfortable with my mom and I thought she'd worry if she saw me crying. It felt like I had to keep up a front for her.
Then MIL came. Holy whoa. @blackbird: @kjpugs: All that, yes. Complaining about the filthy house, complaining that we didn't have groceries for her, complaining that "we haven't done anything all day" !!!! Pressuring me to go out and nurse in public when I really wasn't ready. Breaking stuff in the kitchen. Taking the baby as soon as he started to fuss. Constantly saying shit like "what times does he eat? he couldn't be hungry yet!" or "what time does he nap? he's not tired, keep him up to play with me!" even though he was 8 days old. It was awful. I will definitely remember the way she made me feel for a long time.
If we have another, I want to lock the doors and put bars on the windows, but then I wonder, will we need the help for #1 so we can focus on #2? I don't know. Sometimes I think living closer to them would help because it could be short visits instead of extended house guests. And then I also think I'm a terrible person for feeling this way about my well intentioned family.
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My mom stayed with us for a few weeks and that was great. But she is a very low key, non demanding visitor. She is great with babies and she will help tidy up and make sur eI have food, etc. She doesn't like to cook and wouldn't do any deep cleaning, like the bathroom, but anything she did was great!
What I hated was people coming to visit and staying too long and not bringing food. I even had a few people come to see the new baby and ASK US to feed them. That sucked.
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Yes! My mom and my sisters all took turns vsisiting,especially after dh went back to work. it was very helpful. They went grocery shopping and cleaned and held baby so I could rest.
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My dad, grandma, and brother flew out for about a week and a half, and I think it was more stressful than it would have been otherwise. Luckily they stayed in a hotel and just spent each day there, but still. Part of me thinks it would have been better if my mom was alive so she could have been there, but honestly she probably would have driven me crazy as well.
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No! Short visits are ok, but when DS was born my I laws were in town, staying at a hotel nearby, and my mom was around a lot. It ended up being so much more work and craziness for us. One night they cooked us dinner and made a huge mess and used every dish in the kitchen. MIL wanted to take us out to a very fancy restaurant 5 days pp, with the baby! It was just too much all around. I'm still a little scarred by the experience.
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My MIL came for the weekend but stayed with BIL and just popped round in the day with all kind of delicious treats so that was nice. My mum stayed with us for two weeks and I wept like a baby when she left because she was amazing. She cooked, cleaned, shopped, held the baby. She even insisted that DH and I go out to dinner one night and took care of the baby solo. She was my cheerleader with pumping and so encouraging through all the initial nursing pain. I desperately wish we lived in the same country so she could be over more often.
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My mom stayed with us for 10 days after DD was born. LOVED having her help out so much and we both cried when it was time for her to leave
I didn't have any help after DS was born, but we were fine without.
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I liked having food cooked and ready for me at meals, but I felt a little tight and stressed otherwise. My dad always had an opinion about everything and it got annoying. My mom hung back, but she doesn't cook so now I had to worry about feeding her when my dad left to go home - extra unnecessary stress for me when I was trying to figure things out for myself and a newborn.
We'll see what everyone wants to do once LO#2 arrives. DS will be going to daycare during the day so it will be somewhat the same as before. Just need to worry about the evening routine - dinner, bath, playtime, etc.
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Nooooo. I am terrible at accepting help. My mum pointed out that what I see as "interfering" is actually meant as "help". I am already freaking out that for this baby, we will likely be living with my ILs and having to deal with the many, many aunts, uncles and cousins that want to visit. I like being in a cocoon when my babies are born.
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@autumnlove: heck yes! My mom flipped ds schedule so he would sleep at night. She cleaned the heck out of my house and made dinner every night while my dad made breakfast everyday. Then they left and went to the beach or fishing to give me alone time. It was awesome. They stayed for about 2 months.
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Yes! I had my.mom and MIL for about 10 days and it worked out surprisingly well. I was thrilled to have my MIL, she's an RN and has 7 kids so she knew all about baby stuff. I was more worried about my mom,who hadn't held a baby in 30 years, but she was great about cleaning, cooking and taking care of me. I.had been so nervous beforehand, especially since my mom and have our differences but as it turned out having them both there worked out really well since they both had their roles but also entertained each other.
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From reading all the boards like this I was convinced I did not want anyone around. Told my MIL to stay in a hotel. But then when I got home, she's cleaned the house, made food, decorated with flowers and was completely helpful in every way. So I asked her to stay for the week and never regretted it. It was so nice to have someone there thinking bout everything else so I could just worry about me and baby.
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Nope. I'm pretty territorial. Our parents all live nearby so they came by for a bit, but I really prefer to have my space.
@Jancan: my MIL breaks my stuff all the time. I don't let her do ky dishes cause of this. I tell her it's cause I'm ocd and like things my way, but it's really cause I like my things.
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