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I would not be comfortable with that. My parents came when I went into labor. They came to the hospital and spent time with us there. When we got home, they stayed 2 days because I asked them to. I wouldn't have minded if they stayed longer. They were never intrusive and they were helpful with getting house stuff done.

I would not have been comfortable with my inlaws here that first week. I was topless pretty much all the time and there is no way I would want them to see me that way!!!

My mom came to help me immediately after the birth, and I was fine with that. But I put my foot down to having my FIL come immediately after (MIL is no longer with us). He actually wanted to be there early and WAIT for me go to into labor so that he could be present at the birth (not in the room, just the waiting room) but I told DH absolutely not. I did not want my in-laws in the house until at least 2 weeks later since I knew I would be struggling with nursing, and them being in the house would actually require DH to entertain them, find food for them, etc. As it happened, I went into labor 10 days early for DS, and it didn't end up being an issue. (FIL lives out of the country so travel plans took a while)

It's really up to your comfort level. If you are close to your in-laws and would appreciate the help, that's fantastic. Seeing as how my FIL is useless never even changed a diaper in his life, I saw him as more of a burden.

My mom came after the first night and stayed with us for a few days, then for the next month stayed with us and went to work from our place (they only live 20 min away). and that was a godsend.

As for MIL, we all had tgiving dinner (we came home on the holiday) and she's been over for weekly visits (they also only live 20 min away), and it's worked out great. I don't think it's the same as having my mom's help (I could cry, ask/tell her things, etc.).

I would not have been comfortable with anyone but DH those first couple of weeks. I'm so glad we waited for company. I needed that time to remember which way was up and definitely would not want to worry about house guests, no matter how flexible they are.

Also, if you're breast-feeding, there's not a heck of a lot someone else can do to help you anyway, unless they want to be your personal chefs. THAT would help.

i think it depends on the situation and the personalities involved. i would prefer my MIL to wait at least a couple of weeks to come, but on the other hand she is pretty non-intrusive and i think would be helpful in taking over baby duty if i need a break (she wouldn't cook or clean though, which my family would do).

while functioning on little sleep and fumbling through taking care of a newborn with just your husband will be a lot of work, it might be preferable to having your in-laws there if you feel like your in-laws would stress you out. on the other hand, they could be super helpful.

if they are going to come right after the baby arrives, maybe you could talk to your husband about laying ground rules and making sure that he'll stick up for you/set boundaries/be on your team no matter what if things get a little stressful?

I loved having my parents there right away. They cooked, cleaned, did laundry, etc and let DH and me focus on LO. We had plenty of bonding time with LO and they did too. I wish they could have stayed longer than they did. But I'm really close to both of them, and they aren't intrusive or needy guests. My ILs were not welcome right away. While wonderful, they are VERY difficult house guests, and it was hard to have them when they did come a week and a half later. It may have been easier if my recovery had been easier.

I think it just depends on your relationship and comfort level. Just because one person has a horror story, doesn't mean you will.

I would be ok with my mom but not comfortable having my in laws stay right away. Can they possibly wait a week? And it depends how helpful they'll be. Will they want to hog the baby while you do chores? Or let you bond with your baby while they help clean and cook? Will you feel like you'll constantly be entertaining them?

Even after spending two nights in the hospital and getting hardly any sleep, I still was happy that it was just me, DH and LO when we came home. DH's parents kept trying to find excuses to come over ("Do you need diapers?") but we preferred to handle things ourselves. It wasn't that bad, and I really cherish that time we had to ourselves- we had some very entertaining moments as we were learning the hang of things.
I encourage you to hold off on any help staying with you for a few days... That bonding time really is special.

We didn't have anyone come and stay with us at all, and we honestly were fine! I was breastfeeding, so the only thing someone could help with at night was bringing the baby to me and diaper changes, which DH did because he had a week and a half off work. During the day, DH was very capable of doing errands and ordering us dinner, while I nursed the baby and took care of myself. It would have stressed me out way more to have someone stay with us, and I don't really think it would have been that helpful. We did, however, get really lucky with a baby that slept 3-4 hour stretches at night almost immediately, and so sleep deprivation was never too too terrible for either of us. I did feel like going through the experience just the two of us was definitely a bonding experience for DH and I, and I wouldn't have traded it for anything.

Just depends on the person I guess. The visitors really stressed me out. The last thing I needed was my dad sitting around my house on the day my milk came in and was so painful on top of healing on my own from childbirth. I think it's so hard to know what to expect with your first, you know better what you can handle with second, etc. I wish we would have asked everyone to wait and we'd let them know. My parents did stay in a hotel which helped, but even then I was still stressed.

I faced this last week. My mom lives 1300 miles away and was planning on arriving about five days after my due date. I'm somewhat convinced I'm going to be late, so I started freaking out. I'm so happy Mom and my awesome stepdad are coming, but I really wanted that week with just DH, LO and me. So, I told my mom that everyone (including baby class) said that I'd really need help about two weeks after baby is born. The adrenaline will have worn off and I'll really need her then. It worked. She's not coming until the first week of February. Now I'm really looking forward to her visit and don't feel any anxiety about it. Maybe you could go the "We'll really need help later..." route when you ask them to hold off.

@shopaholic: You will be running on adrenaline and excitement. Even if you're exhausted from the delivery, the sleep deprivation wouldn't have caught up yet! My suggestion is to wait at least 2 weeks after. Even better, 1 month. By then you'll be running on fumes and the new parent feeling would be wearing off (or you'll be too tired to notice). Plus you need that initial bonding time.

Because they are so close I say tell them to wait a day or two before coming into town. That way you guys and the baby get a few days to get into a home routine. That way you're not trying to figure it all out while other people are interjecting their opinion.

My plan is that when we come home it'll just be me and Hubs. My mom will come for a week or so when Hubs goes back to work (after a week). I know his parents would love to come down, but I am just not comfortable with that. His mom is a busy-body, and would drive me crazy with constantly wanting to be doing something - cleaning, cooking, taking the baby, whatever. I know the help would be great, but it literally would NOT STOP - she can't sit still. And I wouldn't be comfortable saying to her, "You're driving me crazy, please go to the mall for 2 hours" or whatever. I would have no issues saying that to my mom, but not my MIL.

DH and I had the biggest fights about the terms of his mom's visit. I really like his mom and she's not an obtrusive MIL, but he wanted her to stay here and we have NO ROOM for a guest, no guest room, not even a pull-out sofa. He tried to tell me she could sleep in the living room. I told him absolutely no way, no houseguests. And I also said I wanted her to come a month or so after baby is here. I figure that's when the sleep deprivation will really start getting crazy and I'll need a lot of help. So she's staying at a nearby hotel, DH is taking the week off work, and she's coming 4 weeks after baby's due.

FIL will be in town but at his own place, starting Jan. 27 (I'm due Feb. 3) but if he's over too much or I need him to leave, DH will back me there. His aunt is also coming into town in February. So I'm kinda worried, but nobody is staying with us.

I think you need to put your foot down if you feel like you'll be uncomfortable.

FIL was at the hospital when DS was born. He then came back a week or so later to spend the weekend with his new grandson. I loved having him with us.

i didn't get to read the previous posts, but i know after my LO i desperately needed the help. We were home 2 days before my mom arrived from across the country, and they were so hard! as soon as she arrived we were so much happier and restful, and were able to enjoy and bond with baby A LOT more.

it sounds like you have a pretty good relationship with your MIL -- hopefully if they are able to truly *help* and not be houseguests that you need to 'take care' of, it will be something that will help you get more time with your LO, too! i guess it all depends on your inlaws and your relationship with them! also, definitely need your DH on your side to advocate for you and baby, if anything comes up :). i guess i wouldn't say no right away one week sounds like a good amt of time too. my mom and dad stayed one month and it was perfect for us, even in our tiny 2 br apt

I asked this same question, and delayed my in laws coming until she was about 9 days old. That was perfect IMHO because we had some time to get into our own routine.

For me, BFing meant that I didn't really have the opportunity to let anyone else really help with her. I didn't know how to pump yet, and in those early days waiting for my milk to come in- she fed CONSTANTLY. I feel like if I would have FF, then that would open up room for people to really help bc I could have let my mom or someone take her while I slept a while, but I was on the clock 24/7 due to BFing. My parents stayed with us right away and my brother and SIL came when she was a week old. I was glad they got to meet her, but it did add stress to my life. I wish they would have waited a few weeks at least so I could have had time to adjust. Especially bc when you are a BFing mama, there's just not a lot that others can do for you...I mean I guess cooking and stuff but we just ordered takeout a lot!