I think I'm in the minority but I do not like having any guests staying with us in the first month. I am ok with just DH, daycare/preschool for my toddler and my MIL dropping by occasionally to check in. Friends are always welcome for short visits!
My parents drove us crazy both times when they stayed with PP. (They helped out with cooking but they are very needy and demanding visitors) I don't plan on having them stay with us until the 1.5-2 month mark for baby 3.
cantaloupe / 6923 posts
No. I mean visitors are ok and we're never what I would call help. Last time I stayed at my parents for a week after birth and this time that won't be happening. I'm very grateful but I just wanted to be home.
honeydew / 7444 posts
The first time around I was grateful. Second time around? Grateful but both parents drove me crazy and they didn't help out as much as I would have hoped.
Are you getting help with #3?
hostess / wonderful watermelon / 39513 posts
@Freckles: my husband will be around for a few weeks, the girls will probably go Daycare/preschool 2 or 3x a week and MIL is retired now so she says she can come relieve us if we need help!
coconut / 8279 posts
I was alone most of the time, DH had to continue work. So I enjoyed the company/help of friends. Especially if they brought food.
pomelo / 5228 posts
Just DH! I hated having people in my house constantly, regardless of how "helpful" they were. I liked having friends come visit though.
pomegranate / 3577 posts
@autumnlove: If by postpartum help you mean someone who never gives "advice", cooks, cleans, and takes the baby in the middle of the night so DH and I can sleep longer than three hours, then I'd love one. But I'm pretty sure I'd have to be a celebrity to qualify!
pear / 1614 posts
I didn't like having people visit at all, even to stop by. I am not someone who readily asks for help and I guess I don't know anybody pushy enough to just do what needs to be done, ha ha. So people mostly just end up sitting and chatting. My kids don't go to daycare or anything although that would make for a nice break, but DH and I are both able to be home with them throughout my maternity leave and it was fine the first two times.
wonderful grape / 20453 posts
I haven't had a good experience with "helpful houseguests". Helpful is not holding the baby so I can clean my fucking house while you bitch about how dirty it is. NOPE NOPE NOPE.
If you bring food or actually help, you are welcome to come visit and snuggle the baby, though 
hostess / wonderful watermelon / 39513 posts
@blackbird: Helpful is not moving a sleeping baby from back to tummy because she might choke on her potential vomit and die....!
cantaloupe / 6131 posts
My mom stayed with us for 3 weeks. It was hard mostly BC DS ended up being colicky with reflux so he didn't stop screaming for weeks and never slept. I was so emotional and as a FTM felt like I was failing so my mom was bearing the brunt of my frustration. But she was in retrospect so helpful. She was focused on getting me nutrient dense food and giving me breaks but I took it as lecturing and nagging. Now that DS is 5.5 months and past most of his issues she helps 3 days a week and it's a godsend.
GOLD / wonderful coconut / 33402 posts
I didn't really have any. When my ILs stayed the weekend, they didn't help, just stressed us both out more.
wonderful pear / 26210 posts
I would have loved to have my mom around! She came when my son was 5 weeks old, but I have a feeling had she been there from day one, some things might have turned out differently.
My mom is seriously great, she knows when to back off, she knows when to help. She's also very much the "roll up your sleeves and help" kind of person...if there is laundry to be folded, she does it. If there is dinner to be cooked, she does it.
wonderful grape / 20453 posts
@autumnlove: OMG my mom did the same!!!! We went round and round and round about the "back to sleep campaign" and then I would find E propped up on her side between purses so she didn't " potentially choke". Rage!
grapefruit / 4649 posts
@blackbird: I really hope you took a picture of your baby propped between purses because that sounds hilarious (in hindsight- I would have been pissed postpartum!)
We had "helpful" house guests within a week of my lo being born and it was awful. Two weeks was better but only by a tiny margin. The good news about family being far away is they weren't waiting impatiently at the hospital, bad news of yet were basically beating down our door after we were home and they had to stay with us.
My mil came to "help" before Christmas because she invited everyone to my house. Well instead she destroyed my house because she had a bunch of work deadlines she hadn't met so she brought her work, set up an office in my kitchen and also tried to start random projects like repotting my plants. By the time everyone arrived my house was twenty times worse than when she arrived- she had her stuff in every room of my house except my bedroom, there was a bag of open dirt in my kitchen and I had spent the last two days cleaning up after her. I was beside myself.
In a perfect world, next time I will say no visitors until one month and hire someone to come in two to three times a week to help with the older one and do some dishes and laundry. I doubt it will happen but that would be ideal.
wonderful grape / 20453 posts
@Cole: I wish i had, it was that ludicrous, but instead I flipped my ever loving shit. I really just want to erase those 8 days from my memory entirely.
coconut / 8854 posts
I'm following, we are having DH's grandmother stay with us for the first 2-3 weeks i think. She lives in another state, and her husband just recently passed so she wants to come out and help. I think it's going to be a real blessing though, she is the sweetest woman, a great cook, and very helpful whenever we stay at her house and visit. I am hoping it's a nice experience....
pomegranate / 3791 posts
Pretty much only from my mom. There's no one else besides her and DH that I'm comfortable with having them help during the PP period. Boobs out pretty often, still bleeding all over the place...yeah, I'd feel super awkward about that with other people. Plus my mom is super helpful and insists on folding laundry, cooking dinner, etc., but will back off if there's something I'm not comfortable with having her take care of. Everyone else wanted to be helpful by holding the baby so that I could do chores. Gee, thanks.
eggplant / 11287 posts
I didn't really have pp help. We had A couple people drop meals by and family visit every once in a while, but only long enough to hold the baby and then leave.
persimmon / 1096 posts
My MIL stayed for a few days after LO1 arrived, and it was fine but not great - she talks a lot about helping but the action isn't really there. I wouldn't have her stay again. I loooved having my mom stay with us after LO2. She stayed for a month - she helped with LO1, did all the laundry and cooking, cleaned the kitchen and family room every evening, made me tea every morning and night, and held newborn when I wanted a break. It was wonderful.
In an ideal world we would live closer so she could help that much but still sleep in her own bed, for both our sakes, because I'm sure my dad missed her and my husband - although he gets along great with my mom - was ready for some alone time at night. But it was so so nice to have that much help PP.
coffee bean / 39 posts
I do NOT like guests outside of close friends immediately after baby, and random guests and family members who don't respect boundaries will not be welcome this time around.
eggplant / 11716 posts
Well last time we had my mom came for almost a month and DHs parents came for a week. I was stressed about his parents because I was BFing and they are from a very modest culture where I would have to be totally covered which is hard in those first days.
BUT in the end, we needed all their help. We had just moved the week before, so my mom literally unpacked all our boxes the 3 days I was in the hospital, and we came home to a clean unpacked house--my mom also kept everything clean and did baby laundry. DHs mom cooked every meal (and cleans up the meals) and DHs dad helped with odd jobs around the house like putting together ikea furniture and replacing a fan in LOs room.
We live in a 2 bedroom so my mom slept on the couch in the LR and DHs parents slept in the nursery. I'm not going to say it was perfect--that's a very full condo--but under the circumstances we were really grateful for how awesome our parents are.
I honestly wish they both lived in our neighborhood instead of a flight away. =(
Ideally, we would have a bigger house with more rooms or would be able to rent some kind of temporary lodging for them to stay and help longer, but I've only found 1 temporary apartment near us and they want 1000/wk or 4000/month, which is insane.
So probably when number 2 arrives we'll try to split our parents visits into shifts.
coconut / 8234 posts
Postpartum help as in a postpartum doula, YES! Occasional visitors who are helpful (bring food/treats) and don't stay long, YES. Anything else, nope.
My doula was so awesome!
pomegranate / 3601 posts
I had my mom over for two weeks and loved the help because DH wasn't home except for weekends. BUT she didn't stay with me. She came over in the morning to get LO1 to daycare then helped with household things and then left for 5-6 or so hours and came back in the afternoon to prep and cook dinner and pick LO1 up from daycare. Then she stayed until we had LO1 in bed and the dishes etc. were done. It was the perfect amount of help in our situation.
pomegranate / 3127 posts
There's help and there's help! Someone who's not scared to pick up a crying baby while I'm trying to get a spoon to my mouth is very welcome. Big family party to welcome the new kid... we can handle that and it's a nice change (though but there was one party that was cut very short by a very grumpy baby ) Someone who comes over every week to be treated to dinner and isn't bothered that I have to nurse in the bathroom because they don't have the decency to keep their visit short... I think not!
pomelo / 5000 posts
Yes! My mom stayed with us for 5 nights, I think? She arrived our 2nd day home from the hospital. I wasn't sure what kind of help I would need post c-section. She cleaned, cooked dinner, but most importantly, was good company. My DH had to work, so I would have been overwhelmed and lonely without her. My sister, L & D nurse/baby nurse, also stayed a few nights and was helpful with childcare and breastfeeding tips.
Haven't loved visitors dropping off food. I stress about coordinating times, whether I'll be in the middle of nursing, wrangling the dog, etc. Won't do that next time.
grapefruit / 4213 posts
We were constantly bombarded with guests in the hospital and at home with LO1. It was horrible. We were exhausted, trying to work on BF issues, and we just wanted to get to know our little bundle. We hated having all those people visit. Some of them just showed up whenever they wanted! We did appreciate my mom coming during the day the first few weeks so we could nap while she held and fed LO1. But she was very considerate of our space and let us have LO if we were awake while she would fix us lunch and wash bottles. That was really nice.
Thankfully with LO2 we don't have to deal with it again. There were/are way too many snowstorms and illness going around that people can't visit much.
pomegranate / 3895 posts
Only if they follow these commandments:
http://www.scarymommy.com/10-commandments-visiting-new-moms/
grapefruit / 4862 posts
My mom is great- she often stays at a hotel but she's VERY helpful. She's definitely welcome to stay as long as she wants with LO#2!
My MIL kept saying with DD "You'll want my help!" and we laughed because she is the WORST. HOUSEGUEST. EVER. Doesn't help pick up food or cook, makes a mess (didn't set our coffeemaker right and it spilled everywhere, and didn't turn off the shower right and semi-flooded our bathroom) and is disrespectful (she ran the disposal with a tsp in it- I heard it from the other room where I was pumping- and she LEFT IT IN THERE and didn't say anything! She also fell into our closet door, broke it, and when I came running she acted like nothing had happened.) So after that we told her we don't have guests anymore.She's just more hard to deal with than helpful.
pomelo / 5258 posts
My parents were more helpful than not and I hope they come back for LO2's arrival since I'll need more help with LO1. They worked all day long but they made elaborate dinners every night. My mom couldn't seem to understand that regardless of how much prep I do I will not be sitting down to dinner exactly when it is ready.
Baby likes the smell of food too and woke up/cried every night when we sat down to dinner. It isn't that I would rather eat a granola bar than my favorite foods but some foods are more practical than others. Crab cioppino - I'm looking at you.
grapefruit / 4862 posts
@MrsBrewer: we moved 11 hours away about a year before getting pregnant. There was a reason for that!
coconut / 8483 posts
My mom came for almost a week and was helpful. She made dinner, changed diapers, took the babe every morning while we went back to bed, etc. she's the only one I would have though.
nectarine / 2521 posts
My mom is too nervous to be much help except the few times she came over and made dinner, and I honestly don't want her too much in private life because she is disapproving about many things.
My MIL stayed for a week and was surprisingly helpful in doing household chores and handling night wake-ups. We had a few hiccups on parenting differences right out the gate, but I would have her come again and take care of LO1, but lay a few more ground rules to make things go smoother.
Anyone else I just want to bring food, say hi and admire the baby and leave. I hated feeling like I had to entertain people.
coconut / 8430 posts
My mom came for a few weeks and I found it helpful, but my husband did not.
GOLD / wonderful apricot / 22646 posts
Yep! We both loved having my mom w us. She fed us, did laundry, did over to wakes, etc. she was pretty much a third parent and followed all of our wishes. Ils were also helpful bringing us meals and not being overbearing on how they spent time with us or ds.
cantaloupe / 6171 posts
My parents were well-trained by my brother and sil about how to be helpful, lol-- they did dishes, brought and made food, took out the trash, walked the dogs, etc. sat and talked to me while I nursed but didn't try to take lo except when I was ready to nap or to change her diaper
Dh's parents, not so helpful...
pomelo / 5524 posts
My mom was awful. She was angry at us for not allowing her to watch the baby when I went back to work. She's also the type of person to tell me EVERYTHING I'm doing wrong and how there's something wrong with my baby if whatever she tries isn't working.
My dad would come once or twice a week, and he was wonderful. LO was really colicky, and he would walk him around the house so I could shower, or eat lunch, or just nap. My dad rocked.
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