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i want to clarify by saying straight up that i don't regret having kids, i knew all my life that was what i wanted. it is the timing of everything that wasn't what i wanted.

Never. I was born to be my daughter's mother. There are lots of other things that I am, and will be, but that's my highest calling. It's what I was put on this earth to do.

I really need an "other" option. I don't regret my daughter for one second and if I could go back I would do it all again because she's my perfect angel, my heart, my reason for living..... But I don't enjoy it most of the time. My friend posted something the other day along the lines of "Up at 6am on a Saturday but I don't care because I get to hang out with my princess"..... and I felt awful because I just don't feel like that. I hate the endless stream of mornings and I hate breakfast time (it just ends up on the floor) and I hate having to drop her off on my way to work, listening to her scream while we are stuck in traffic..... and I can't wait to get her into bed when I get back from work because I'm just so tired. Weekends are 10% fun and 90% hard bloody work and I would sell a kidney for a weekend off. So, no, I don't regret my girl because she's *her* but, umm, if I could opt into an Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind type job and completely forget her but know what I know now about parenthood - I dunno. I just don't know. And that's my painfully honest answer.

You know guys, there is a reason they say people are at their unhappiest when they have young children....shit is crazy

@Cherrybee: haha I LOVE this. You said everything I am feeling.

And even though I would go back and not have kids, it doesn't mean that I don't love them, want the best for them, would do anything for them. I guess the best analogy I could come up with (and I admit, it's a sucky one), is that it's like a career that I'm good at, but isn't my passion. I'm damn good at it, I enjoy it for the most part, but it's not "my calling." I never see my true identity as "mother." It's another role I have in my family life, and I also just don't see myself as a daughter, or a cousin, or a friend, or a manager.

I cannot at all relate to people who say their life was meaningless before kids, and that being a mom was what they are meant to do. I found a lot more purpose and passion in my work (teacher) and travel than I now do in my son. I feel like I'm stumbling along in this gig, making mistakes along the way and slowly learning how to be better at it, and being annoyed a lot of the time. I love my son more than I thought possible - his giggles are the most valuable thing to me right now. I wouldn't change having him in my life. But I am proud of my life both before and after him.

Mid 30's and long time married when I had my LO. I am surprised to find caring for her pretty pleasurable, but having a child brought out all of the cracks in myself, my life and my relationships.

Before her, sure, I knew my family was nutty and difficult, but I never wasted time wishing it was different. After her, I wished so hard that they were people I could depend on instead of people liable to be high when I desperately need child care because she is sick and I can't miss another day of work. I now see my future in a way I couldn't conceive before her and what it truly means to live without family ties and it is heartbreaking.
Before her, I knew that my DH marched to his own tune, never takes the easy path, sees me as an equal partner and was never going to be my 'sugar daddy.' I loved him for those things! After her, I daydream about someone who wants to coddle me and take care of me and provide more than I need, because some days I am soooo tired of being a modern working mother who does it all (snort. by 'all' I mean barely makes it through the day, lol).

Before her, I thought I was a grown-up who worked through my sh*t and knew myself inside and out. Now, I know nothing.
Having her meant rebuilding a life that I thought was pretty established and re-examining goals and expectations that I thought were already set in stone.

Day to day motherhood is a breeze compared to the toll she took on my psyche .

@Skadi: I like how you worded this. I feel like my potential is now hers. It is weird, to feel like a 'has been' in my own life, and probably 100% self-inflicted. See above about the psych damage, lol.

I think regret is the wrong word. I have struggled with pretty bad PPD after both of my kids, and there have been days I've felt I can't do the job of "mom." I still couldn't regret having my children. I am a mother and that's a big part of my identity, but I'm also many other things, and I think it's key to remember, and hold on to, yourself. My life is undoubtedly more difficult, sure, but, I can't even fathom what it felt like to walk through this world, before their souls were part of it. Nor would I want to.

If I could have my exact girl a few years later, I might have waited. I don't think we were totally ready (though you never are). But now of course I miss her when we are apart for like 2 hours, so I can't imagine my life without her. But if I hadn't met her yet... I could have used a little more of my youth, I think. But that's not what happened and I am content with that because my girl is the best.

@Cherrybee: I hope you don't mind me asking but do you think you would feel differently if you didn't have to work full time?

@ScarletBegonia: I mean, those things don't always go together. My life was for sure not meaningless before I had my daughter, but being her mother is absolutely my calling in life. Along with a ton of other great stuff, sure. But that one is the highest. If I had her, and my husband, I could do without any other part of my life and still be me. But those two are just absolutely essential to who I am.

I first want to tell all the moms of the babies and infants...just wait a little longer. Baby days are tough and monotonous. I have loved every day more than the last and each stage had gotten easier in most respects because of increased communciation (LO is 2). I always knew I wanted to be a mom and it's sort of exactly what I thought it would be. I waited a long time (married at 30, LO at 32) and I don't regret having LO in any way shape or form.

@blackbird: I've never heard that, but can so relate. LO2 just turned a month old and I'm grumpy and exhausted. I'm especially nuts right now because he has been up for 2.5+ hours. I finally get him asleep and is waking up again now with hiccups. Makes me miss the easy days of one LO far out of this stage. Nights like these test my sanity, that's for sure.

I don't regret it. But I do wish I could take a day or weekend 100% off occasionally. Not just sleeping in or having someone else cook or do diapers. But to have zero responsibilities for a day. Not even having to worry.

@sarac: fair enough! I think i'm reacting more to things IRL friends say rather than what's on here. I was on the fence for a long time about kids and felt then, and feel now, that my life would have been perfectly full and happy with or without kids. People in my life make comments arguing that, and even with a kid now I still feel the same way. I'm not explaining myself very well but basically even now that I have a kid (and an AWESOME one at that!!) I still don't feel like kids are the be all and end all!

Nope. I am wistful about a time before kids sometimes but I think when I day dream about "kid-free life," I'm probably over glamorizing it, just like how I glamorized parenthood before I entered it and realized how demanding it could be.

@SweetiePie: No one should think anything awful about you. I hope that things get better for you as your LO gets older and less dependent. But either way, I hope you always feel that you're able to speak about your feelings, I am sure you are not alone.

@Raindrop: @cait: @yoursilverlining: Thanks so much ladies I'm hoping I'm still just having a hard time because it's early. I don't doubt that I'll always love my son and be happy he's a part of my life. I just can't say that I'm happier with him than I was without him. Our marriage was definitely better before, and that has been the hardest part.

@SweetiePie: I've had days where I've felt this way too! Especially early on. Babies are HARD. Glad you're being honest here, you're definitely not alone

Regret, no, that's not the word for it.

However, we had a handful of fertility challenges, and had a plan that if it didn't happen for us with minimal intervention, we'd just move forward child-free and no intention of pursuing IVF or adoption, etc. I never felt that motherhood was such a calling for me that I'd go to extreme lengths to have it.

And while I love our LO to death, and am so blessed to have her, I imagine our alternate path and think that, never knowing any different, I could have been happy with that too.

As for some people who were talking about getting skewed results since this is a parenting site, for me, despite not always feeling like motherhood is what I was destined to do with my life, I definitely feel an immense responsibility for her and her well-being, and a desire to be objectively "good" at being a mother.