Hellobee Boards

Usually only if a friend asks. I don't bring it up on my own--it doesn't really flow in normal conversation. I have one friend who will say, "How are you feeling?" with this sad look on her face and it drives me crazy; I don't want her pity. My mom is the most understanding, and I've gained a new level of admiration for her by listening to her stories of trying for 5 years to get pregnant.

I'm glad you have outlets to help with this! I'm sorry to hear about your loss.

We are definitely "out of the closet" so to speak. But I don't like to talk about it too much with my mom because she tends to bombard me with endless questions over email. So I tell her a few things here and there but after my last mc, I told her I really didn't want to talk about it.

For some reason it's easier to talk about it with people my own age or other ladies who've gone through it. (Obviously.)

So far I've only told my BFF, and although I appreciate that she's been supportive and always checks in on how I'm doing and where I am in my treatment cycle, sometimes I wish even she didn't know. I told her when we had been trying for only a couple months and I had no idea we'd still be trying a year and a half later.

I think maybe I'll tell my mom when we move on to IVF this winter, mainly because I don't feel right about having surgery without her knowing. I think it would break her heart (when she found out later) that I felt I couldn't tell her about it.

@Mrs.Someone: Yeah...my mom just now last week brought up soy for the first time. (I'm a vegetarian/mostly vegan) she said she read somewhere that there was a link between "too much soy" and fertility problems.

After rolling my eyes here, I mean because really, does she think there's anything out there that I haven't read at this point? I just told her I only eat soy 1-2 times a week.

And I mean come on, if crack-heads can have kids, wtf. Ya know!?

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I'm selective when talking about IF issues. Of course I talk to my husband, and on occasion to my mom and sister. They're both good at lending an ear but neither of them have been through IF. I also have two friends that I can openly talk about it, and they give lots of support.

When I was struggling to get pregnant a few of my friends knew, and my parents knew. My friends didn't really get it though, since either they were single/childless, or had gotten PG without a huge amount of issues.

I had a CP last November, which parents knew about. I'm pretty close to my mom and we were at their house and needing to go out to get betas, so we told them I was pregnant but there was a chance I'd lose it since my first beta was really low (5). After it was confirmed that I'd lost it (day after Thanksgiving) I thought they understood what happened, even though I never came right out and said it. My mom was there when I got the phone call and I kind of shook my head at her and ran out of the room crying. Apparently that wasn't clear enough because a few weeks later I was kind of having a breakdown over the phone to her, talking about losing both a job (laid off in October) and a baby. My mom was all surprised and said she thought I had never actually been pregnant, not that I'd had a miscarriage :-/. I'm still glad I told them, as I don't like hiding things like that and it would've been difficult at their house.

But really, no one gets it except for people who have been there. They don't understand the lows of trying and RE's and medication, and they don't understand the highs of success either.

at first i only told my father and two best friends, but after a year of ttc people stop asking and checking in -- that's been the hardest for me. and now one of them is pregnant and has not asked me how things were going in almost 8 months.. i eventually found that my cousin went thru something similar and she's been a great support for me. but if i had to do it again i think i'd keep quiet and only talk to family.

my bosses know somewhat (two very macho men) only because i have been taking so much time away from the office.

We're vaguely open. Some people know we're trying to start a family but I don't walk around announcing how long we've been trying at this point. DH's parents know we're TTC but my family is basically clueless. I don't know what will happen around the holidays and DH's extended family. I think one of the reasons I'm a bit more open is because I don't want people whispering behind our/my back about when we're going to start a family...

@littleredhairedgrl: We just had our 3 year wedding anniversary, I turn 30 in a couple weeks and DH turns 34 in a couple weeks too. People are bound to start wondering about us...

My DH and I are both open about our struggles. We talk about to IVF to whoever is interested. Everyone in our lives are super supportive. I love knowing that I have their good thoughts and prayers.

After we opened up about our struggles a lot of our friends opened up about theirs. It made me realize just how common IF is.

I don't talk to anyone about like. Like mrstal, I do feel a little shame that I can't get pregnant and I feel even worse when I think about my miscarriage.

I do write in my journal almost every night and really complain there in a way I don't think I could do IRL.

I'm an open book about it. But I think my situation might be a little different because I have always known that I would need fertility treatments to get pregnant. There was no TTC for us, we had to go straight to the RE. What I didn't expect was that it would take almost 2 years (with a short break in between to switch RE's) to actually get pregnant. But I had a really great support system with my family and friends.

Since our IF spanned over 4.5 years, eventually, most of our friends ended up knowing we were having issues. In the beginning, only very close friends/family knew but as the years went by, people were asking when we were going to start a family and depending on who was asking & the situation I'd either say "eventually" or "we're working on it, it isn't as easy as we thought it'd be." As time went on I became more open about it since it was hard to hide and I also felt that it's such a common yet hush hush topic and since I felt comfortable, I'd talk about it. If my experience could help, encourage or just allow someone to vent to someone who's been there, then I'm glad something positive can come of it.
Now that we're expecting in the next couple weeks, the most common question people have when they hear it's twins is if they run in the family. I say "nope, they're IVF babies" with a smile.

Most of our friends knew we were having issues but I didn't really like to go into details about it. I didn't like to talk about it because I didn't want to sound like I was throwing a pity party or releasing any negative energy. Even though I felt lots of sorrow or sadness inside, I felt better putting my best cafe forward. Many days I would forget about my predicament with happy thoughts. I did reach out to internet blogs and TTC sites. Somehow talking about it with people that are going through the same struggles felt a lot better.