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pineapple / 12053 posts
going off the question asked, i do think most moms should try to BF. obviously there are extenuating circumstances (adoption comes to mind) where i can't apply the blanket statement of EVERY mom should. my personal belief is that BFing is best for me and i have reaped benefits for myself and for DD.
i've actually thought a lot about why some mothers choose to FF from the start. (and wish i could ask here without fear of being run off the bee for simple curiosity). the mothers i personally know that FF (or supplement) tried to BF and had issues with supply, latch and illness. that being said, it really isn't any of my business overall (and i only know about my friends who shared with me as i didn't ask the ins and outs to randoms) and i don't judge those who FF at all because i KNOW the difficulties of BFing and that it just doesn't work out for whatever reason for some moms.
i wish there was more information, support and education available for those that would like to try to BF but don't have access to it. i know i was really lucky to have a supportive family, SO and access to free BFing support groups to answer questions and provide a safe community for me to go to!
GOLD / wonderful grape / 20289 posts
I have a friend that was pregnant at the same time as me, and she said she wasn't going to breastfeed and go straight to formula. Honestly, at the time I thought it was weird and didn't get why anyone would do that. And then I tried breastfeeding (which didn't work out) and I considered her the smarter one. I went through a lot of unnecessary pain and guilt. That being said, I tried to bf again with #2 and succeeded. But now I'm more in the "to each their own" mindset.
bananas / 9118 posts
No, it's not my place to have an opinion on what another parent does with their body or their baby.
cantaloupe / 6730 posts
I did vote yes and that's because those antibodies in breastmilk are beneficial to a newborn who has a weaker immune system. BUT, it's none of my business and I would never go on some sort of crusade to convince anyone to do it. And I really don't look down on people who don't try - I mean, just because I think it's important, doesn't mean that everyone else should.
persimmon / 1436 posts
@ash: "Every mom looks for verification that what she chooses is right but I've decided that nobody can make me feel inadequate as a parent - that's an issue I have with myself."
I think that's a really good point -- in my opinion, it's human (or parent?) nature to look for validation of our choices, no matter what those choices are. Because being a parent involves so much emotion and uncertainty, it's inevitable that people feel the need to be "right" about their choices and maybe for some that means others with different choices must therefor be "wrong". Actually, I guess that applies not just to parenting choices but other areas where people feel very strongly.
papaya / 10570 posts
I don't care how anyone else chooses to feed their child. I think that women should make the decision that's right for their families.
@birdofafeather: I think it's a very worthwhile question and the way you asked it wasn't loaded at all so I think it's okay to ask! I did try to breastfeed but when I was pregnant I went back and forth about whether I was going to try at all. Here are the reasons on my cons list:
- I wanted DH to bond with DD too, through feeding
- I wanted DH to help with night feeds
- I was scared it would hurt
- I'd heard it was difficult and I didn't want to ruin those first few weeks of DD's life by making it even harder.
- I was scared she'd cry and cry in the hospital, keeping all the bottle fed babies awake because she was only getting colostrum and needed some milk.
- I was terrified of cluster feeding
- I was scared of getting mastitis and being ill when she needed me.
- I wanted my body back and didn't want to wear nursing tops and bras for the next year!
- I didn't want to get my stretchmarky boobs out in public, in front of my inlaws etc.
- I was scared of becoming her sole comfort (the human paci!) and then weaning her off: would she think I had stopped loving her?
When I was in the hospital, all five other ladies on my ward were bottle feeding from the start and were baffled as to why I was trying to BF. They had all brought milk into the hospital from the start, fully intending not to try to BF. It's more common than I'd realised.
cantaloupe / 6885 posts
@birdofafeather: like @Cherrybee: I think it's a fair question and have no problem answering it...
Like I said, I tried BFing , it didn't work out, so I EPed and supplemented. The next LO I will either EP right away or go straight to formula, here's why:
- I have a lot of family members (grandparents, aunts, DH!) who not only can help feed but LOVE to help and often do.
-I'm convinced it's one of the reasons she STTN from a very early age (5 weeks)..obviously not a guarantee but I don't think she would STTN so young if I didn't bottle feed
-BFing was never bonding for me, for me (I know I'm an anomaly), giving a bottle and looking into her eyes as I feed her is extremely powerful for both of us.
-I won't NIP and am not comfortable nursing in front of in laws, friends, etc
-I could give her a soother to calm her down when she was in the NICU (ironically because she wasn't getting enough while I tried to BF) without worrying about nipple confusion
-I think the benefits (especially long term) of bfing are largely overstated so for me (I want to emphasize for me!!) the stress/emotional toll/worrying if she's getting enough aren't worth it. I know I will get a happy, healthy, thriving baby both with Formula and BM depending on if I choose to EP for #2 again
This is why bfing doesn't work for me/my family, but I certainly support mothers who DO want to BF and think they should get all the support they need (as should mothers who want/need to FF)
cantaloupe / 6669 posts
@char54: Reading your latest post made me think back to those early days, and how I was convinced that I hated BFing & that it was not a "bonding thing" for us. It was probably 2 months or more before the bonding part clicked in.
Honestly, a huge reason I kept at it (other than my general stubbornness) was the societal pressure to BF & the stigma of FF. Yes, I think human milk is best for babies, and I wanted my baby to have it, but I was more concerned with what others thought, sadly.
Now, looking back, I am somewhat glad I felt "pressured" to BF because I have my nursing relationship with my daughter... but I do think it's really unfortunate how shamed women can feel when they don't BF, for whatever reason.