I am surprised by the amount of women I have encountered who have had at least one miscarriage. So sad. 
Do you think one is more likely to have at least one in a their lifetime than to never have one?
Do you think it is more common to have had at least one miscarriage than to have never had one?
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I think it is hard to say because there are many people who probably do not discuss their miscarriages, especially if they happen well outside of the time that they normally would be trying for children (like in high school or when they are in their late 40s). And there are probably a lot of chemical pregnancies that go undocumented.
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@highwire: I definitely agree with this.
In my opinion based solely on what I've seen on FF and in my life I think it is at least slightly more common to see women (who are actively TTCing) who have had miscarriages than to have never had a miscarriage.
On FF (I'm more active on the boards there than I am here) it seems like EVERYONE has had at least one miscarriage if not more, but I think it seems inflated because everyone is actively trying, testing early, etc.
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It wasn't until i miscarried during my first pregnancy that i found out how many of my friends miscarried before having their LO. It's not something many people like to talk about, so you don't realize just how common it is.
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Absolutely. I feel like every mother I know has had a miscarriage at one point in their life.
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I don't know if it's more common to have one than not, but I do think it's more common than people believe. I was astounded by how many friends and family told me about their losses for the first time after I had mine. For whatever reason...sadness, shame, privacy, etc...it seems that a lot of women want to keep it quiet.
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Oh yes. I believe one in three pregnancies end miscarriage (although I think that includes chemical pregnancies). My mom's doctor was amazed that she had three kids with no miscarriage inbetween.
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@JessicaMcB: My generally thought is that on FF and other boards you are more likely to get peoiple who have had a m/c because they are seeking support while those that haven't had one are less likely to be on such a site because they have healthy prgnancies and move on.
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@MrsH: ditto.
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I think the stat is 50% if you detect early enough... so that's 50% of pregnancies and people tend to have more than one child, so it would be reasonable to think that most people would have at least one.
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After having a threatened m/c, when word at work it out about what happened, I was amazed how many women shared they had miscarried at some point. It was unbelievable, really. One close guy friend even shared his wife had 7!!! I had no idea it was so common until people started talking.
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I agree with MrsH in that the people on those sites are more likely to have had trouble of some sort (miscarraige, infertility) and thats why they seek our the site and community.
But, I also do think it happens a lot more than I hear about it. As far as I KNOW, only a few people I know had a miscarriage, but Im guessing the number is, sadly, a lot higher than I know. -
@highwire I completely agree with you!
I have had one miscarriage that no one knows about, but it never gets discussed since I was only engaged at the time and definitely not trying. My mom has 5 children and has never had a miscarriage.
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I think they are really common but I don't realize exactly How common until after I had one and started talking to others about it. However my mom had 4 kids and never had one and my sister has had 3 kids and never had one.
Sadly most of my friends have had them....
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Just from what I see on WB and HB, I think they are more common.
I haven't had one yet but if I do get pregnant, I will be concerned with having one. -
Mind if I bump? Sorry to bump threads like this, but I'm curious.
My doctor told me yesterday that the statistic is between 15-20% of women have m/cs, but that it is actually likely closer to 25%. This seems like a LOT of women who miscarry. So, why does it seem so taboo to talk about IRL?
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It happens a LOT. Loss happens a lot. You just don't know about them, cause it's not something that comes up in every day discussion.
I mean, even I, when I meet a stranger, and they ask me how many kids I have I only say I have one son, who is 5. I don't say, "I have a living 5 year old, a miscarriage last year, and I had a stillborn baby." That would probably make someone feel really uncomfortable.
However, if I knew someone had just had a loss or miscarriage, and was going through those early emotions, I would say, "hey, I've been there, I know what it's like." And, I've had many women recently say this to me...women I've known my whole life that have had stillborn babies, and I never had any clue. Family, even. It just doesn't come out in normal small talk.
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@LovelyPlum: I don't think it's taboo...it's just uncomfortable to bring up. It's not exactly pleasant small talk.
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@Dandelion: that makes complete sense. It's not something that anyone wants to bring up on a regular basis. I guess I was just surprised at how common it really was.
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@LovelyPlum: Yeah...it's like a secret awful club that no one really wants to be a part of.
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I really don't know. But I think that a lot more women have one and never discuss it, as well as have one and not even know it.
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I think it's pretty common but a lot of people don't talk about it.
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I was shocked how many women I encountered that have had a miscarriage after people found out I had a threatened mc. Just something that goes unspoken. Even one of my best friends had one and another close friends wife, who I knew had complicated pregnancies, had 7. Totally shocking.
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I thinke that most people have or will have one. Almost every mother I know has had at least one miscarriage. I also think that there are probably quite a few undetected early miscarriages/chemical pregnancies (I hate that term!). For one of my MCs there's no way that I would have known I was even pregnant if I wasn't testing early. To anyone not as aware (read: testing crazy lol) they would've just gotten their period like any normal month.
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Your lifetime chance of having one is about 25%, so they're pretty common.
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I think they are pretty common. After I had one last year, I found out many, many women I knew had one at some point in their lives. It's not something people like to talk about, but once you've experienced it and you're open about it, many women open up and share their experiences.
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No, but I definitely believe it's about 1/4 which is way more than I thought before starting to TTC.
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@Mrs Green Grass: 1/4 is much higher than I thought, too! I agree with PPs, once I started talking to people, I was amazed at how many people had been through this.
@Dandelion: I agree. Big, secret, and no fun at all.
@lilteacherbee: I'm finding the same thing! I think it is making me less scared to talk about. Most people I've told have told me they've had one too. It really surprised me how many had!
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I've never had a miscarriage, but I have lost my father. It's hard because that loss seems like a huge part of who I am, but at the same time isn't exactly small talk conversation. When people ask questions like "do your parents live nearby?" it is much easier to say "yes" than to explain that my dad passed away. It is also easier for me to not address it than to say something and have the other person look panicked/stand there silently/say something like "oh." I struggle with how to have honest conversations about my feelings about losing my dad even with my oldest and closest friends. I guess what I'm trying to say is that loss and grief are just difficult to talk about. On top of that, miscarriages in most cases take place before most people know, so the loss is inherently more private. I'm glad for a place like HB where we can share things and get support for things that are harder to talk about in real life.
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@Rainbow Sprinkles: Statisically it should not be more common. And in real life... I know very few women who have (admitted to having) had miscarriages. Is this just keeping quiet?
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@mrs. 64: oh my goodness, I am so sorry! I can't imagine that right now. That must have been so hard
The thing that I am realizing is that grief and loss is personal, but it can also be so isolating. I agree, I am so grateful for HB. It is just so sad that it is both so common, and so profoundly lonely. Out of necessity, I've told a few people, and most everyone has been so nice. I actually had to tell my advisor today, to which he responded, I understand, my wife had two. And here I was freaking out! Maybe I shouldn't be so nervous. I haven't really regretted telling anyone yet, but I'm afraid that I will, which will only make it worse.
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@Running Elley: I had never thought of that, but my doctor said the same thing. Sometimes, you wouldn't even know. But once you know, it is real. That's why I hate the term CP too.
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@matador84: holy cow, 7?! That is shocking, and profoundly sad.
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@LovelyPlum: I know, is that just unbelievable or what. On top of that they had a twin pregnancy where one twin passed about a day after bring born. Amazingly strong people.
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