Hellobee Boards

@mrbee: Thank you for being open and understanding.

while the parents of the child with allergies need to do what is best for their child, so do all the other parents. If it is not best for their children to be on a severely restricted diet then changes need to be made, be that what they are for the family. It is not imposing on the parents of the child with allergies if I decide to find a different day care situation for my child, nor is it being insensitive to anyone's needs. In fact, it is the opposite. I am being sensitive to the needs of my own child, which is what I should focus on first and foremost.

@yin: @Adira: when it comes to school aged children, I do agree-schools have to be safe. When it comes to daycare, I wonder if there might be a better placement for the allergic child-one that has the resources to better handle the situation. It seems to me as if the daycare is not well prepared for this type of severe allergies.

@Adira: @yin: Thanks for your perspective on this, I don't have kids with allergies so it is hard to understand it from your side. I think the thing that most annoyed me when I originally read this post was that the daycare gave them one days notice to make all these changes. That is unreasonable. I hope the OP is able to get more info about what food is safe from the daycare or the parents. It must be a hard place to be in, to want to want to do what is best for your child without causing harm to another.

@Adira: it's not always a luxury to be able to stay at home. Daycare costs were pretty much what I was earning when #2 came along!

My LO has a peanut and dairy allergy. When he was in daycare, I was pretty nervous. One time a teacher asked me if he was allergic to peanuts or just peanut butter. My FIL asked if he could still have butter. If I were to send him back to daycare, I would probably just pack his food. It sucks having to trust someone else to feed your kid.

But I would expect the daycare to at least watch what he ate and clean up well after meals. He needs to learn (the earlier the better) that he can't share food with people.

@LovelyPlum: I agree that it sounds like this particular daycare doesn't know how to deal with severe allergies, but I would expect most centers to be able to deal with them!

@jedeve: I didn't mean to imply that staying home is ALWAYS a luxury. Sometimes people have to because they just can't afford not to. I was more of referring to the people that were saying "Oh, if my kid had severe allergies, I'd just stay home with them or hire a nanny" like that decision doesn't have huge financial implications!

@blackbird: I actually would think an in-home daycare would be even better at handling allergies than a large center! Then they'd only have a small number of children and meals to deal with. They could even set up a separate eating space for the child with allergies in order to avoid them coming into contact with their allergens. I would think it's harder at a center where there are dozens of children and teachers switching in and out of rooms all the time.

@LovelyPlum: I guess I don't understand what you're saying. Are you saying that you think it's unreasonable for a parent with child with severe food allergies to expect a daycare to be able to handle them appropriately? I'm honestly not sure what we would do if we couldn't trust a daycare to watch Xander. We have no local family to watch him. We can't afford a nanny. We can't afford to stay home with him. What other options are there?? We're fortunate (????) that Xander is only severely allergic to one item (that we know of - we haven't introduced him to many other known allergens because we're scared to), but still, it's MILK - one of the most common ingredients and drinks for toddlers. It's so hard to avoid, but I expect my daycare to ensure my son doesn't come into contact with it even while they are providing it for the other toddlers in his class.

@blackbird: Our daycare center is the same way. All the kids eat together at one table and there's one person watching 4-5 toddlers. The daycare also provides food, so she has to ensure that she only serves Xander the items he's allowed to have. I expect that she sits next to Xander while they are eating to ensure that he doesn't get a hold of anything he shouldn't. It's also a center, so if she needs help for whatever reason, there ARE other teachers around, so maybe that makes it easier than a home center? Though I would think a home daycare could easily change their eating setup to accommodate a child with allergies. I also wouldn't expect a home daycare to provide different food for my child - I would send in alternatives just like I do with my center.

@blackbird: Oh, I agree. I don't think the daycare should expect all the other parents to adhere to the restrictions of one child. I wouldn't expect that for my child either. It sounds like this particular daycare doesn't know how to handle a child with severe allergies and doesn't want to be responsible for watching them like a hawk to protect them from the other kid's food. Though I imagine the parents of the child with the allergies were told that the daycare would eliminate all the potential allergens, which is why they decided to send their child there in the first place!

@LovelyPlum: I don't know much about other food allergies, but as far as milk allergies go, I think they are generally not airborne like a peanut allergy can be (which is why peanuts often are banned from schools and daycares and other allergens are not). I'm honestly not sure what I would do if that was the case for us, but I think it's easier said than done to say "I would stay home with him" or something similar. I wasn't trying to imply that's not ever an option or it can't be the right option, just that it's insensitive to imply that parents who DON'T just stay home with their child or hire a nanny are being irresponsible in some way. I hope that makes sense.

I wish we knew more about this child's allergies. Are they all airborne or is the daycare just trying to play it safe and avoid all the allergens, even though it might not be completely necessary (obviously it's necessary to keep the allergic child out of contact with their allergens, but maybe not necessary to keep the allergens out of the home completely).

This is SUCH a difficult situation for all the parties involved but I do think that the daycare hasn't handled it particularly well. I don't have any experience dealing with allergies but at what point do the daycare's demands go beyond what can be reasonably expected of the other parents? At what point does the health if the other attendees become less of a priority than the "allergic" child?

@LovelyPlum: I get what you're saying, is a daycare facility the best place for a child who is at such a level of risk?

@Adira: I would imagine that a bigger centre would have better access to resources surrounding dealing with allergies.

Allergies are definitely no joke, but expecting other parents to switch their child's diet, milk intake, etc on limited notice is just crazy. As a parent, I would definitely try to accommodate allergies to the extent possible, toddlers are picky and most nights I don't have time to go to the grocery stores to pick up hemp milk. This should be a sit down meeting with all families involved!

@Adira: while I realize it's not easy to just say my kid has allergies I will have to stay home, I do believe when we decide to have children we have to be prepared for certain unknowns. You don't know if your child will have severe allergies or have (or develop) a disability or illness that requires special, 24/7 care. As a parent it is your responsibility to figure out how to make it work to provide adequate, safe care for your child (without placing the burden on others in my opinion but that's probably debatable by many others).

Uktimately I think it's up to the daycare to resolve this situation and make it a place that is safe, healthy and convenient for everyone involved.