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I can't believe your friend tried to imply you were being neglectful by utilizing timeouts!!! Timeouts are a very EFFECTIVE method of discipline and are in no way neglecting your child! Please don't let your friend make you feel guilty for doing this!!!

I definitely think your minute x age is a great option - it keeps the timeouts pretty short when they are still young and may not fully understand what's happening.

My parents always used timeouts and they worked really well with us!

I'm curious what your friend does INSTEAD of timeouts? My SIL doesn't use timeouts either, but she just doesn't discipline her child and it SHOWS.

God, how snarky (to post that on thes ame day you had your time-out discussion). Uck.

Without time-outs our house would be totally run by Wagon Jr. And sometimes when we don't want to give a time-out (in the bathtub, in the crib first thing in the mornings) we give in to what he wants and he STILL throws a fit. When we do a time out he is ready to obey and behave when he's done. We average probably one time-out every two days on daycare days, and at least one time out every single weekend day. We actually encourage the teachers at daycare to put him in time-out but it's not their policy it just works so well for Wagon Jr.

I hate judgey people. Really.

OK first of all posting that on her facebook was so passive aggressive and makes me really angry for you.

Second of all... it is absolutely absurd to call time out neglect. I understand there are reasons some people don't think time out is effective, but no matter what it's certainly not neglect!! When I was little time out was a SUPER effective tool because I hated to miss the action and be separated away from people so just the threat of a time out whipped me right into shape. My brother on the other hand liked quite time so time out never worked for him because he didn't really see it as a punishment. I think if it works for your child it can be a great tool and you shouldn't feel guilty about it based on what your rude friend said!

Yeah I agree that she posting that on facebook was a low blow

Time outs can be useful. but it depends on the way its used and the child. Some formds of time out can be neglectful though, I know people that send their kid up to their room and almost forget about them. No method of parenting it guaranteed to work on every child. If it isnt improving your child's behaviour then maybe it isnt for him.

@HeatherlovesKenny: Children need structure and established boundaries/rules in order to thrive. Honestly, how can one reason with a 1 year old? Trust your mommy instincts and just ignore the outside chatter. You're doing great.

I'm not sold on time-outs being the go-to method of discipline in our house when LO is older, but your friend is bananas if she thinks its neglect! That's just ridiculous!

I'm an early childhood educator & have spent many years around kids 2-5. In my experience a time out is effective only if the child is worked up in a twizzle & can't calm down enough to talk/focus. I always tell the child that I want them to sit in another area until the calm down & then we'll talk about the problem. When they're calm, we go back & solve the problem ("You were mad because she took the blocks, so you hit her. Do you see her face? She is sad/hurt. How can we make her feel better? How can we all play together?" Even 2 year olds can work through this process, with guidance. My 4-5 years could do this process on their own in certain situations). I've not seen time outs being effective when there's a problem, the adult only says "that's not okay, go sit in the corner" and then doesn't process/problem solve with the child.

Again, my LO isn't old enough to need "discipline" so I'm not sure how we'll end up using time out in our house. But, seriously? Neglect? That girl's a nut!

Your friend's behavior shocks me! That is really rude to post. She shouldn't call your parenting style neglect, especially because
1-she hasn't been yet with her own child
2-you are doing it in a loving way and "by the book". It's not like your kid is in time out for 25min spurts!
I find nothing wrong with time out under 2conditions:
-They are short
-And the child is told what they did wrong and then talked to after time out as well
It's not neglect!!! Neglect is ignoring a child's needs...what kind if needs are being ignored in 2.5mins? Come on, now...
*im formulating my thoughts based on my experience in childcare facilities and as a short term nanny...but also as a child who used to get sent to time out (I'm not scarred by it!)

@HeatherlovesKenny: We only put DD in timeouts for really big infractions, which in our house means hitting/kicking/etc... or repeatedly doing something unsafe when we've asked her to stop. Everything else we can pretty much use other techniques.

I really liked the book Positive Discipline for 0-3, and a lot of those techniques have worked really well with DD. We hardly ever do timeouts in our house now; I think DD's last timeout was weeks ago.

yikes, i agree with PPs that her post was very passive aggressive. i don't think time outs are wrong at all. i HATED them when i was a kid and it was enough to stop me from doing things my parents didn't want me to do. we had to sit in the hall and just listen to everyone else having fun. i think it depends on the kid though!

Your friend is passive aggressive, for sure.

Time outs have a time and place, definitely. Sitting still, quietly, is really, really hard for children. It stops them from spiraling out of control with bad behavior.

I think different things work for different people. And no I don't think time outs are neglectful. You aren't just leaving your child in a room for hours and not paying attention to them. Its a couple of minutes and I'm sure you're aware and thinking about them every second of that time.

Personally I'm not sure if we'll do time outs, lo is still too hound and dh and I haven't talked about it yet. But I'm not completely against them. Id rather my lo go to time out then have no discipline.

Your friend sounds really judgey and her posting that was just plain old mean! Idk what her problem is, but it's her problem, not yours. Try not to let her get you down! You're doing a great job!

bahahaha try explaining to a tantrum-ing 3-4 year old what is the appropriate way to act is what works?!?! REALLY. omg I would laugh in her face.

I think it's absurd for her to insinuate that you are neglecting your son. And totally uncalled for.

You need to do what you're comfortable and what works. When I was a nanny I watched a 4 year old who threw tantrums about once a week and there is no reasoning with them when they are that enraged. Honestly - call it neglect (the mom was okay with this method btw) but we would lock him in his room until he calmed down, then we'd go talk to him and tell him we didn't want to lock him in his room but we needed him to listen to us and when he doesn't listen he needs to spend time away from the family until he settles down and can talk. Then we would ask him why he was upset to begin with and cooperatively work toward creating a solution together.

That is so far over the line! I am a big crunchy attachment parent and I will use timeouts the moment I feel they're appropriate - probably around that age for similar times. Neglecting a child's need for love, food, clothing or shelter is neglect - not time outs. Not even close.