I know that parents love their children as they are, but is your child spacing how you thought it would be?
What is it, and why? What do you wish it was?
If you have 3+ was one age gap better than the other for you?
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I originally wanted another baby right after DS turned one. Instead I got a divorce. So, that went out the window, and I was really upset cause at that point, there was no guarantee I'd have any more kids, ever.
I didn't remarry until 2 years ago, and got pregnant with S when DS was 5. It wasn't my original plan, but DS was so helpful, and now at 6, he's even more helpful with this pregnancy and can really get excited and understand everything that has to do with the baby. In hindsight, it really is a nice spacing. But, if we have another, I'll probably do it a little closer to LO, but at least 3 years, I think.
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Bumping this because I'm really curious. Child spacing is an issue I really struggle with knowing what I'd want.
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I think the 22 month spacing really hurt my career, but I wouldn't have the spacing any other way!!
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Following...
@Torchwood: I struggle with this too.
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My boys are 2.5 years apart, and I love it so far. We were lucky that we conceived our first month of trying. Ideally I wanted a 2.5 - 3 year spacing. DH is 5 years older than his sister, and I am 9+ years younger than 3 of my sisters and 9 years older than my youngest. We knew that a large spacing was no ideal from our own experience growing up.
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I'm curious as well. I'm 11 years older than my sister. DH has a 2 yrs older brother, 4 year younger sister and 11 year younger brother. I love seeing how close he is with his older brother and sister, it's really amazing. I also see the niceties/benefits of a larger gap, but I think we'll be aiming for 2-3 year range? Who knows. *sigh* Guess I'll be following this thread closely!
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@mrbee: how so?
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Mine are 16 months apart and I don't regret it but I don't want the 3rd too soon!
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I wanted a spacing of 2-2.5 years... I really like our 26 month age gap! I think it's easier to get them into the same routine (baths, nap and night routines, etc) and do more things together as a family sooner with a closer spacing. But then again, also more fights to break up and jealousy issues.
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@oliviaoblivia: there's just no time to work!!
If I could do it again, I might get a normal job while starting out family! A salary, benefits, vacation... those all sound great right about now!
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Well my kiddos are going to be 2 years apart (maybe to the day depending on when #2 arrives!) and I'm excited about that spacing. My sister and I were 22 months apart and grew up so close.
I think there are pros and cons to all child spacing, and the type of kid you have makes a difference. You're going to run into struggles no matter what the spacing. -
I wonder this too. Originally, I wanted to be trying sooner than we will be. I originally wanted a 2014 baby, but other factors are making it look like a 2015 baby will happen instead. I want my kids closer in age. DH is 7 years apart from his brother and it's too much.
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Ours will be about 22 months apart and I'm thrilled with the spacing. My sister and I are 21 months apart and have always been very close, and now my DDs will have the same
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Interesting responses so far! I am 7 years older than my sister, and while I love it (can't change it anyway! haha), I definitely can see the benefits of being closer in age.
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Subscribing because I'm curious about this too, particularly with WOHMs who want to maintain a professional career path. I'd really like to have kids spaced 2-3 years apart, but not sure how my career will fare with that much time off...
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With luck, our plan is to space our kids out by 22-24 months. I have a demanding job, but I'm not getting any younger. We may even try a little sooner because I have no idea what to expect of our TTC journey this time around. (First was m/c then BFP 4 months later.) It makes me sad that I won't have the same time with the second as I did with E when he was born, though.
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@Espion: Yeah not getting any younger (and wanting to have at least two kids) is my main concern for not wanting them too spaced out...
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@NorCalWayfarer: my career was def a factor in our decision for child spacing!
we will likely start trying this spring/summer, ds will be 16 months+ so on the earlier side, they will be 26 months apart. I've been back at work a full year next month, which was my number one goal. and it'll likely be more than two years before i take any maternity leave for future LO#2...
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@Dandelion: I always wonder about that because some people say the threes are the hardest so it would be hard to have a newborn then... But it depends on the kid (of course!)
@yin: @knittylady: @cascademom: I'm about six years apart from my brother so that is a factor for us to... That and the longer we wait, the longer til our kids play together, we experience things as a family, etc..
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@googly-eyes: That's true! I think DS could have done well with it at 3. He started preschool and was pretty much potty trained and learning to a lot of things on his own.
If this one is rotten at 3, I might not be as interested, lol.
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@NorCalWayfarer: ditto. Career/age -- hard to figure out how to space them and handle it all!!
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I had moments where I felt bad for DD (kids are 20 months apart), but I'm happy with our spacing.
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Really interested in these responses as well! I'm thinking ~ 3 yrs would be ideal for me. #1 would be out of diapers, be able to listen and comprehend more directions, and hopefully be helpful. But since I'm already 34, I'm thinking I'll want to try for a #2 sooner than later.
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Mine are 13.5 months apart and I don't regret it at all. It can be difficult at times but I really love it and feel like it is perfect.
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I think our spacing has been ideal for me. 2 years and 9 months
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I don't regret #1 and #2 being about 3 years apart. We're doing it again, actually because #2 and #3 will be just under 3 years apart too
I think it's the perfect balance for our family. 3 years is close, but not too close or far apart. I feel like I have been getting a nice break in between newborn and young toddler phases, before starting all over again.
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I absolutely didn't plan on the two minute difference between kids, but wouldn't change it. If we have more, I think that I would wait until they're older (4 years old-ish) before trying for more (5 year age difference, ideally). I just can't imagine trying to deal with a 2 or 3 year old while also dealing with a newborn, and I commend all of you that do!
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We only have one LO so far but our spacing will probably be 3-4 years. It makes more sense for us financially to wait.
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@mrbee: I know what you mean. I definitely will/do have to make sacrifice in my work as I also work for myself. So for the next few years...
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Spacing between mine are and will be 2 minutes and 29 months. I definitely never imagined 3 under 3, but I do think once they are grown up, it will be ideal since they will all be close in age.
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Mine are 15 months apart and I'm so happy with it! It's not always easy, but worth it
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@meganmp: I had to read that twice... I thought you were exaggerating but then I remembered you have twins!!
@Running Elley: @sarbear: You mamas are awesome. That is all!
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I've always thought 3 years, at least 2, would be ideal. That's the gap between me and my little brother, and a lot of my friends had the same gap with their siblings. We were mortal enemies during the pre-teen-teen phase but after growing out of that we're super close.
I'm not sure it's the ideal spacing for me anymore though. We are starting to TTC in March and even if we conceive no1 straight away that would mean no1 in dec'14/jan'15 making me 31y6m so the 3 year gap would make me about 35 when giving birth to no2 and I'm not sure if I want to wait till I'm that age.
Not something I really have to worry about yet but it's definitely on my mind -
I have a 25 month spacing and a 23 month spacing. I like the spacing though some days it can be difficult but it has more to do with the middle child being "busy".
One thing I sometimes regret is where their birthdays fall. DD1 is dec 2009, DD2 is Jan 2012, and DS is Dec 2013. I don't regret having Christmas babies but I always saw myself with perfect 2 year spacing. So even though they are "2 years apart" in most activities and schooling it will be 3 years and 1 year gap.
As for career, I am an RN in Canada so we get a year off. This means since I have convicated I have been out on mat leave 3 out of the 6 years. -
@Mrs. WinterWheat: that's an interesting way of looking at it! i have a january 2013 baby and hope to have most of my kids in the winter/early spring due to my profession (wedding photog). my siblings and i were all 3 grades apart although my brother is 3.5 years younger than me and my brother and sister are 2.5 years apart. they were always closer growing up due to their ages.
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Mine are 3 years, 1 month apart and my second and third will be 2 years, 1 month apart.
So far, 3 years has been great. DS, my oldest, has always been helpful and enjoyed having a little sister. The spacing felt like a BIG gap. It was hard to decide whether to use a double stroller while out, making my oldest feel like a baby, but needing to contain both kids at times. Otherwise, I'm more worried about how we'll handle the 25 month difference!!
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we don't have 3 kids yet, but so far loving 16 months apart for the first two! will wait a bit for the next one though.... haha
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Mine are 3 years apart. Initially I would have liked 2-2.5 years, but the timing didn't work. However, I really like the 3 year gap so far. DS is pretty independent at 3, so it's not like I have 2 babies to deal with. I also love that he is so interested in his little sister.
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My two girls are exactly 22 months apart, while I love it- if/ when we choose on having #3 it'll be when DD #1 is out of daycare.
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