Hellobee Boards

I'd agree it depends on what hell and back is. My husband and I have been to hell and back, but it was not an issue with us. He has two kids from a previous relationship and his ex has put us through a lot of shit (restraining orders, lying, manipulating their kids, etc). The conflict she's created for our family, for our relationship, for her children's growth, has put major strains on us at times but we've always come out stronger for it.

I agree with @blackbird: that if it's fighting all the time or cheating and stuff, I probably wouldn't stick around.

The question is stronger than what? Than it was before? I'd say if there is cheating, desertion, etc., it is highly likely there were having problems before that, so I guess it is possible for things to be better after working through the conflict...that said, a relationship that doesn't have problems to begin with doesn't need conflict to be strong... And I'd definitely say our relationship would be much worse off if we had that kind of conflict!

As for dealing with hardship, deaths, etc., I think they require you to dig deep down and find the strength in your relationship, which may have always been there, but wasn't necessarily needed on a daily basis.

Our hell and back is losing our daughter, our first child. We figured anything else after that is little stuff. We really don't fight that much, if ever, so there isn't much else to worry about.

I wonder if sometimes people romanticize relationships that have a lot of drama/conflict in them. I'm a therapist for young women and a LOT of them do that. They say things like "I know I deserve to be treated better, but I am addicted to him." My clients are not the most stable people, so obviously this is an exaggeration- but the kind of conflict where people treat each other poorly doesn't, in my mind, really belong in any kind of relationship- nor does it make it stronger.

I agree with you- we determined early on how we would treat each other when we are upset, disappointed, angry, whatever- I wouldn't stay in a relationship if the conflict was disrespectful. Conflict in a relationship seems inevitable though- so I guess its how you handle it.

Rambling- sorry!

Well, if you mean long the lines of 'been through a lot together,' then yes, I definitely think it can make a relationship stronger, if both people react in healthy ways. For example, within 6 months of dating DH, my parents announced their separation, we moved in together, I quit school for a semester, and DH had his truck totaled. I figured if we could make it through all of that, we could make it through anything!

Hotter the fire, stronger the steel.
Applies to both relationships and engineered alloys.