In considering expanding your family, has anyone ever worried about potential pregnancy complications and their effects on your other kid/s?
In thinking about TTC, this is something that I really worry about, I hate the idea of being sick or having some complications and the effects that this would have on my LO. I think about as it happened to my sister - (she was hospitalized at 23 weeks until after baby was born, she missed her LO's first day of school 
- all are well now though!)
Does anyone else worry about this and if so how do you deal or get past it if you did? If it was/is a concern, is it enough to stop you having another LO?
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@Aimed: I am facing this right now
http://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-in-the-hospital/page/7#post-1863278
Honestly, life is going to happen and we have no control over it. You could get a terminal illness or die in a car accident or your husband...but we can't let those fears paralyze us.
I am so stressed about my situation and how LO is going to be affected - but she is doing great and is happy and having fun with my parents. I'm home now but can't do much for her but she's totally fine. We're still sending her to "school" 3 days a week and her grandparents are taking her on outings. I'm trying to figure out what our new normal is going to look like but it's turning out that the least of my concerns is how LO is adjusting. Kids are so adaptable and resilient
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I had a very uneventful and healthy pregnancy with #1, and most of the women in my family have had healthy pregnancies, so I honestly didn't even think about this very much.
How was your first pregnancy? How have other pregnancies in your family gone? What was the reason for your sister's complications? I think if your first pregnancy went fairly smoothly and most of the other pregnancies in your family have gone well, I'd be hopeful for the best and that your sister's complications were the fluke in the family. But I know that's easier said than done.
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It was in the back of my mind being sick with this one, but it didn't prevent me from trying, you just never know. Like PP said, any day life can get in the way you can't base your decision for number 2 off of fear.
I was more worried about baby #2 having the same medical condition as #1, but again I wasn't willing to live in fear, if baby does we will make it work.
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@sandy: I just read your thread. You are so amazing and what you wrote is really inspirational for me! You are so right, kids are totally resilient. Saying a prayer for you that everythig will work out great!
@Adira: I had a really healthy pregnancy with LO#1 and my sister had some uterine issues that I don't seem to have inherited.
@LuLu Mom: You are so right about not living in fear.
I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop and I have really been working on changing that mentality - and as you can see from this post, it's working so well
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@Aimed: honestly, if you had uneventful 1st pregnancy you will most likely have an uneventful 2nd pregnancy. I wouldn't worry unless you have something to worry about. I had my son at 34 weeks and I was worried about preterm labor but so far so good. Life is too short to worry about things you can't control.
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I was expecting my pregnancy to not go so smoothly based on the hell that was my first one. I'll be honest - it ended up being even worse than I had feared (still is...I'm almost 36 weeks though so I'm grateful it will be over soon!) But knowing that was a possibility never really held us back from TTC. If anything, it made me want to TTC sooner rather than later, which is what ended up happening, and my LO was too young to really have a clue about what was going on or worry or anything.
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Hm.. This is very interesting! I personally don't think you should worry about this.
I'm having a very complicated pregnancy (bad morning sickness, bleeding near the beginning - on the risk list for miscarriage for the first trimester, Gestational Diabetes - I have to prick my fingers 4 times a day and watch what I eat, placenta previa - when your placenta is blocking your cervix, and possible automatic c-section) but all in all the worst thing that could happen to me is getting a c-section which I am a bit worried about but I know it's not very bad at all. Other than that LO #2 is perfectly healthy. I'm about 21 weeks right now so barely half way through.
I wouldn't have imagined that it would be this bad since LO #1 pregnancy was pretty uneventful (only morning sickness) but I'm SO HAPPY LO is great. I feel like I can take anything as long as LO is fine.
You can't live your life in fear!
In saying that I'm a big worry wart and I am always fearful for the worst. I didn't tell anyone I was pregnant till last week because of my unreasonable fears. It's sort of a do what I say instead of do what I do moment here.
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@BandDmommy: Thanks for this, I know you are right but the worrier in me will not always listen to reason!
@wonderstruck: Sorry it's been so rough for you - but you're almost there!
Like my sister did, we are planning a longer gap so LO will probably be closer to 3, my nephew was four and he was really worried about his mom in hospital and my heart went out to him
and I think that may be where this fear stems from.
@Raindrop: Sorry you are having so many complications, I had Placenta Previa with LO #1 and it resolved itself by 28 weeks so fingers crossed for you. Glad your LO is doing great!I did end up with a c section for #1 and would likely end up with a c section again so I suppose that is somewhat complicated but not a huge deal.
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I think if you had a healthy uneventful pregnancy then chances are you will again. But I understand the worry.
I had complications with #1 , preterm labor at 32 weeks and bed rest after that for 3 weeks until I delivered. Yes it weighed on my mind going for #2 but ultimately did not prevent me for going for #2. I have tried to be as proactive as possible to prevent the same things from happening this time around but you never know. I have had just as many issues (different ones) if not more this time, and looking back I am not sure yet if it will all be worth it. I know having LO#2 will be worth it in the end, but right now I am having a very hard time so it is very hard to realize it right now.
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If anything, you can look at it like a valuable lesson for LO#1. Sometimes life happens and is more important than whatever is going on that very moment. I generally accept I will miss some things. But that is life. If it's due to pregnancy complications, so be it. It could be cancer. It could be a car accident. It's just life and you can't control them. How you respond to them is what your child takes away the most, ya know?
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I completely understand your worry! I am pregnant with my second who unfortunately has a few heart defects and am terrified of how #1 will adjust not only to a new sibling, but one who needs quite a bit of medical care after he is born. But, I also know that worrying about it now only increases my stress and makes it difficult to enjoy these days when everything is going well otherwise. Planning for those things can really help with the worry too. I am a huge worrier, but we are planning as much as we can to make sure LO #1 always has someone to watch her and keep things as normal as possible once LO #2 is born, which make me feel a lot better. But, life happens, we can't always plan for it, and we can't let that stop us from going after the things we want out of life. Just like you shouldn't like fear stop you from going after a new job or going back to school, fear of a compacted pregnancy shouldn't stop you from having LO #2 if that is what you want. You never know how things will turn out, and unless your doctors suggest otherwise, you have little reason to believe things will go poorly the next time around.
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I hear you. Fear of the 3 worst things that happened with LO #1 are what are preventing us from trying for another - hard pregnancy, hard labor & delivery, and a colicky, high needs baby who never slept. We aren't trying now, and maybe we won't ever.
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I had hypermesis with my first, and I have hypermesis again, along with a rough first trimester with bleeding and a low heartrate initially, etc. It's been totally fine - I feel much better equipped to deal with it as a veteran mom than I did dealing with anything as a first time mom.
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I don't think it would've stopped me for going for a second child. I knew that I wanted my son to have a sibling. My first pregnancy was hard. I wasn't high risk or anything but I was just in pain or discomfort for most of the 9 months. Honestly, I did not look forward to a 2nd pregnancy. Well, my 2nd pregnancy was a 100 times easier physically. But I had GD and low fluid with the 2nd pregnancy. My c section was moved up because of the low fluid.
Honestly, this does weigh on my mind when I think about going for the 3rd child. I really would like a 3rd child, but in addition to the financial aspect, I worry about the pregnancy part. I'm getting older and I'll likely be 38 if we have a 3rd. What if I have even bigger complications? I feel fortunate and blessed that I have two healthy boys. -
Thank you all so much for your input on this, it has been weighing on my mind but I really get what you are all saying about 'life happens'.
@pinkb: Sorry that you are having so many complications - fingers crossed that things will get easier for you.
@Boheme: I totally understand, I think if I had had a really tough pregnancy, L&D and difficult newborn, it would be even tougher for me to decide so I get it completely.
I get how people say that "it will all be worth it in the end", and of course on some level that's true, but it can be a major strain on relationships, families, health and stress that can have lasting long term effects, so I think that needs to be weighed too.
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