Hellobee Boards

Oh man, I could have written this when LO was 3 months old. And I'm sorry you are feeling this way because I know how awful it is.

I know it gets tiresome to hear, but believe me, it WILL get better. By around 3 months I started to feel a bit less stressed with LO and then each month was easier and easier. I will also say that it helps to just sometimes take her out anyway on short little jaunts, more so that you can get more comfortable with the fact that sometimes she will act up. As a new mom, I was terrified of having "that" baby and getting the reactions from strangers, etc. So in the beginning I would take her on walks and if she screamed, at least we weren't cooped up, like in a restaurant or at an indoor play group.

There's just so much anxiety with your first and so much to analyze. Trust me, you are not the only one feeling this way and you're going to get a handle on things eventually - probably even sooner than you expect!

@BKCaribBaby: please don't feel like a failure! it is SO hard to not compare yourself to other mothers and their babies, but there is really no point! all babies are different, and i always remind myself that no matter how perfect or easy things seem to other people, i have no clue what goes on behind closed doors. most babies at 3 months old need a ton of attention, holding, snuggles- my LO was very high maintenance in those early months! my DD is 7.5 months and has NEVER slept 12 hours straight! you will start to get into a groove and things will get easier i promise

have you tried baby wearing? that always seemed to calm my LO down and got her to sleep when we were out and about.

@MsLipGloss: i totally agree with your last statement. i also think parents with toddlers or older LO's quickly forget when their babies started STTN or did this and that.

@BKCaribBaby: big hug, don't worry I am sure you are doing a fantastic job. 3-4 months was kind of a rough age for me, and the napping situation was driving me crazy. I am happy to report that it definitely got way better in month 4, and honestly I think you just have to take her out and let her wail! Hopefully she will be distracted enough by the trees and NYC noises to pipe down and give you a break:)

@NovBaby1112: Comparison *augh* Comparison is the thief of joy!

@BKCaribBaby: Don't feel like a failure because you are not! Every baby is different. My LO had to be held for naps, too. There were some days I would sit on the couch holding her and cry because I had to pee so bad but couldn't. Things did get better by month 4, but my LOs sleep has always been an issue (we had a hellish night last night and she's 14 months). I also didn't participate in any sort of Mom group stuff until she was much older.

So, don't worry. I'm sure you are doing a great job. I think the best advice is to remember that your baby is not everyone else's baby. It's hard not to compare babies, but learning not to do that will definitely serve you well as a parent and relieve some of the stress of thinking your a failure. It truly will get better.

I was right there with you. I had a high needs baby (she's now a toddler). I dreaded going out in public because she would just scream instead of passing out like all these other babies. But like the other women have said, a "spirited" baby isn't a reflection of your parenting abilities. It's tough!!

The best thing I did for myself was to stop thinking that I was a failure because my baby was so different from "x". Babies are born with these incredible personalities (some more bold than others). Yes, it sucks to have to feel like your life is revolving around your baby's schedule, but I promise it gets better.

Hang in there!!!

You are NOT a failure!!! Some parents are just SO lucky to have easy babies!!!

LO was held for naps till about 10 months, she was super fussy till about 8 weeks, her night time sleep SUCKEd till about 7.5 months and now it's back to sucking.

I consider myself a great mom and you should too!

Okay, if you're in New York, the good thing is that it's pretty loud all the time. We were in Brooklyn when LO was tiny and even though it wasn't Manhattan-loud, it was still noisy enough and I used it to my advantage. I would just let her yell down the sidewalk in her stroller!

Also, this might be a good read for you, if you haven't seen it yet. I identified with it hugely:
http://www.theatlantic.com/sexes/archive/2013/04/before-i-forget-what-nobody-remembers-about-new-motherhood/274981/

ETA: and yes, complain away! That's a big part of what Hellobee is for - so that parents can vent to a sympathetic audience. I often think it's better to do it this way than to put it on my husband 100% of the time

You are NOT failure! Being a mom is tough and some babies just make it all that much harder. I definitely have THAT baby too. We are the noisy ones everywhere we go. Just try to get through the day, even the next ten minutes if you have to. Have a good time with your friend, try to lean on each other even if her experience has been different than yours. We're all just doing the best that we can with the baby that we have. Thank goodness HB is here when we're having these moments!

My LO was a TERRIBLE napper for months and months. Really it was not until she hit 7-8 months that she got good at napping and I felt like the parenting stuff got so much easier. You are not a failure!

@BKCaribBaby: it's good to let it out! But you're not a failure! Every time I feel like I'm failing (like, say, when he rolled off the bed in the middle of the night) I remind myself I'm doing my very best & I'm the greatest (read: only) mother he's got. We will be fine. Also, my son sleeps in 3-4 hour increments and he's 9 months old. Once I let go of the expectations of how he "should" sleep and accepted how he actually *does* sleep, everyone got a lot happier!

@NovBaby1112: ugg, yes! I think it's all too easy for people to forget things - especially people who's children are grown! Although I do feel hopeful that means someday, I too will forget the awful parts!

you are an amazing mom!!!!

our LO is 13 months now and i guess could be described as an 'easy' baby - -eating, sleeping etc

BUTTTTTT our turning point was around 4 months! at 3 months i was still crying at every feed (paiinnn, no milk...) and naps were rediculous. as in... hardly any napping at ALL. i was a tired mess and i thought things would never get into a good rhythm. thankfully they did in the next 2 months and improved a million times over

perhaps you guys are just about to round the bend as well! i always think of it as taking it one feed at a time... taking things 'one day at a time' was just too much again, you are awesome!

@Dandelion: I kind of take issue with this - lots of mothers to very young babies aren't miserable. I wasn't, I really loved parenting from the start. I think that there are two things here - first, some babies are just easier than others. I had a really, really easy baby, so it was easy to feel like life was great. I may have looked like a really skilled, capable mother at that point - but the reality was that I had an easy baby and a great supply of breastmilk, and that made everything look simple. Some people just get lucky, and some really don't. It doesn't reflect on your skills as a parent, AT ALL, but it can be hard not to think that it does.

And that's the second thing - the extent to which think that the way they sleep, eat, grow, whatever, reflects on us as parents. Baby who wants to be held to sleep? Failure! Baby who grows slowly? Failure! There are all these cultural messages that can be really easy to opt into about how your baby needs to act a certain way, or you're just a bad parent. They're all just wrong, imho. Just really wrong and damaging.

Failure in parenting means abuse, or neglect, or any other really evil thing like that. I think it is really sad that we feel like failures because of things like sleeping or our ability to breastfeed. So much of these things are so far beyond our control - they just don't reflect on our parenting, at all. If you see a mother who looks like she's a 'better' parent, she probably just has a much easier baby.

ETA: As a for instance - my daughter NEVER napped consistently or for very long as a baby. Not until 8 months, probably, was she even on any kind of regular schedule. It was irritating, but in no way did I interpret this as some kind of failure on my part. She was her own person even then, and she didn't exist to demonstrate my good parenting skills. She just wanted to sleep when she damn well felt like it, and that was it.

@sarac: Oh, I agree...DS has always been easy, and he's an easy kid, too. But, we have our days. I didn't say they're for sure miserable, but it may not be exactly how it seems for some of those mothers.