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Filled with sadness after our scan...

  1. mrsbubbletea

    nectarine / 2821 posts

    I am so sorry for what you are going through, unfortunately I know how you feel. The same timing too. I started spotting at around 8 weeks, and when I went in, they told me at first it just looked a little small, but after a closer look no heartbeat and only 6 weeks size. I got to choose between taking oral medication or d and c, and I picked d and c to make everything over with faster. However, I was headed out of town for my sisters wedding (that was also so hard to celebrate when I was experiencing my loss!) so I made the appt for about a week later. I continued bleeding and cramping quite painfully. By the time I went in for my procedure, luckily I didn't have to have it because my body had already expelled everything. It was such a difficult experience. I am sorry for your loss.

    For me, my bleeding started on thanksgiving day, and the next year that was my last day of work before maternity leave! Even though I felt sad still, now I realize that little baby wasn't meant to be for us, for whatever reason, we had to wait for my little guy to come a few months later.

    Hang in there and cuddle your family.

  2. winter_wonder

    persimmon / 1479 posts

    I'm so sorry to hear about this

  3. 2PeasinaPod

    pomelo / 5524 posts

    I'm so sorry for your loss. It's something that no one quite understands unless they've been through it themselves, and my heart breaks for you.

    I've experienced 4 losses. 2 were D&Cs and 2 were natural. I had the D&Cs because things weren't progressing on their own and there was no heartbeat.

    My first D&C was quick. I went for a scan at 8 weeks like you, and the heartbeat was really weak. They said I would miscarry and wanted me to come back a week later to confirm. The following week proved that there was no heartbeat left. I had my D&C shortly afterwards and it was very quick. My husband only waited about 45 minutes from the time they wheeled me back until he saw me in recovery. I cramped a bit afterwards and bled for 6 weeks (I was not the norm), and we waited 2 cycles until we tried again.

    Second miscarriage was natural, then I had my son. Third miscarriage was another D&C, and it took forever because the OR was backed up. It was one of the worst days ever. The actual surgery took only 45 minutes again, but they took a long time getting me discharged, so from start to finish, from when I got to the hospital until I left was 6 very long hours. I bled for 8 weeks that time (again, not the norm).

    My fourth was another natural miscarriage.

  4. Keybee

    kiwi / 735 posts

    I am so sorry for your loss! Take good care of yourself, take it easy, spoil yourself a bit during this hard time.

  5. whenoceansrise

    nectarine / 2053 posts

    so sorry for your loss

  6. MamaCate

    pomegranate / 3593 posts

    @Nutella: I am so so sorry for your loss. I had a similar experience of having a miscarriage diagnosed at my 12 week appointment and j was just gutted. I opted for a d&c and it worked out well for me--I didn't want to do it at home and once the procedure was over, there was some sense of closure. If you have questions about the d&c, feel free to wall me.

    Hugs!

  7. AprilFool

    nectarine / 2591 posts

    So sorry for your loss. I went through the same thing back in May. I had the D&C and it was a good choice for me. Take care of yourself

  8. Nutella

    persimmon / 1045 posts

    @junebugsmama: thank you for sharing your story - I'm sorry to hear it but so glad you've got your sweet little guy to hold now.

    @2PeasinaPod: I can't even comprehend the hope & despair that accompanies multiple loss, I am so so sorry that you had to go through the that thank you for sharing though xx
    I'm hoping to come out stronger on the other side - wherever and whenever that may be
    I only had a few hours of sleep but dreamt the whole time of what had happened, so hoping it was not real. Not ready to wake up!
    @MamaCate: thank you xxx I'm glad you got some closure, that gives me hope and makes me feel less afraid of the future. I know I generally am on the more sensitive side, so I'm perhaps irrationally worried that I will never be able to forget enough to heal?

  9. mrs.kiwi

    kiwi / 635 posts

    My heart goes out to you. As many of the other lAdies shared I also went through losses myself. My first two pregnancies ended in miscarriages. The first one I started bleeding and that's how I knew... The second one durin the second ultrasound the heartbeat was undetectable. I actually opted to wait to miscarry naturally. I know it sounds weird to some but I wNted my body to do things naturally and throughout it to be able to mourn and remember.. I understand why many want fr do&c and get it over quickly but for me that was how I mourned and healed...

    I now have a healthy 15month boy and We are expecting our 2nd in February Lord willing. You will also be blessed again! TAke time to heAl and relax.. Physically and mentally emotionally..

  10. agold

    grapefruit / 4042 posts

    I'm so sorry you are going through this.

  11. Tidybee

    nectarine / 2834 posts

    So sorry you are going through this. I had 2 D&cs and they were physically pretty easy. I also liked that it was over quickly and I didn't have to wait to pass any tissue or anything.

  12. Nutella

    persimmon / 1045 posts

    @Tidybee: thank you. Did you have any spotting or much discomfort afterwards? Just trying to figure out if I need my mum to fly in from overseas to help out. None of our families are in our city, so I'm worried about looking after a demanding LO at home.

  13. mrsjyw

    GOLD / wonderful apricot / 22646 posts

    I am so sorry!!!

  14. jaguar

    pomegranate / 3764 posts

    @Nutella: I'm so sorry for your loss. This happened with us during our first pregnancy trying for #2 - and I too struggled with a little one who didn't know what to do with the sadness her parents were going through.

    It's very quiet now, but there is a lot of good information (and faces who have been through similar situations) in the Beyond Miscarriage Support thread, if you wanted to join. x

  15. Nutella

    persimmon / 1045 posts

    @jaguar: thank you so much & so very sorry for your struggles too, I really am. But I bet you get comfort from your little girl in the tough times? Xx I will definitely come check out that board, is it weird that I'm already worrying about how I'll feel long after this? I know me & I take forever to heal emotionally I actually am saddened to read of all the ladies on here who have had such sorrow, and how different it is to real life where you literally only hear of the happy outcomes. It makes for a very lonely experience, but I have been so grateful to these boards for getting me through the past few hours. But thanks again - I head to GP soon to talk things out. X

  16. Tidybee

    nectarine / 2834 posts

    @Nutella: I really didn't have much pain or discomfort. We did have my parents and inlaws come to help out with my 2 yr old so that I could rest because I was a little out of it from the emotions and the anasthesia. Also, my doc told me that the easier I took it in the first 48 hours, the easier my recovery would be. I was really feeling totally back to myself after 24 hours with just a bit of spotting for a few days

  17. T.H.O.U.

    wonderful clementine / 24134 posts

    @Nutella: I'm so sorry and sorry that I'm late to comment. I had two losses and two d&c while trying for my second. I just wanted to do lots of special things with my daughter. That's when we did our first trip to Disney World.

    I was actually just tired the day of and maybe kinda cramps for a few days. It wasn't until like day 3 that the bleeding starting to pick up.

    It took me a while for the bleeding to stop.

  18. Nutella

    persimmon / 1045 posts

    @T.H.O.U.: thank you I like the idea of doing special activities with my LO. I don't want him to feel any of the sad effects during this time. Thanks again & so sorry for your losses xxx

  19. T.H.O.U.

    wonderful clementine / 24134 posts

    @Nutella: Yes, the planning of our trip really gave me something to research and think about.

    Also, I think I have seen something about the importance of letting our children see us experience sadness. Its good for them to see and understand that its ok to be sad and to show them how adults can be sad but still continue to push through and go on with life. Ultimately thats a key life skill that you can set a great example for him now. I remember the morning I found out, I took my daughter to the playground. At one point I was crying and I asked her for a hug and told her it was ok, I was just sad. She didn't have to fully know why but it was good for her to see how I coped.

    Hugs.

  20. Alba4

    nectarine / 2951 posts

    @nutella

    I'm so sorry for your loss. I have had two miscarriages. The first one was a missed miscarriage @ 6.5 weeks and we never heard a heartbeat. I had a D & C a couple of days after hearing the news.

    Two months after that D & C I got pregnant and had a healthy pregnancy and the result is a 2 year old boy.

    My second miscarriage just happened in June. We had heard a strong and healthy heartbeat @ 6.5 weeks and by 8 weeks the baby had stopped growing and there was no heartbeat. We were devastated. My midwife recommended that I take misoprostol. Since I have a toddler, I had to take it while my husband was around (they warn your about heavy bleeding and excessive activity). Long story short, I had an incomplete miscarriage and ended up needing a D&C 2.5 weeks later. In hindsight, I wish I had just scheduled the D & C for easy recovery and for piece of mind. The feeling of being in limbo (prior to the D&C) was difficult to endure.

    There are benefits and drawbacks to all of your choices. You need to do what is best for you. Please know that you aren't alone. It might be nice to have your mom come. I really loved having my mom around.

  21. mamabolt

    nectarine / 2797 posts

    @Nutella: I am so sorry for your loss. I had a loss at 11 weeks in April. I scheduled a D&C because I did not want to pass the baby at home at that point. The surgery was very easy with nothing worse than period cramping after. Emotionally it does get easier even if the pain never goes away. We are TTC again now and I'm terrified of being pregnant again.

  22. 2PeasinaPod

    pomelo / 5524 posts

    @Nutella: One loss or multiple, it's all incredibly devastating when all you want is a child (or another child). One thing I found incredibly painful was the amount of anxiety I had afterwards. I remember after the first, we went on vacation with friends about a month and a half later. I was standing in paradise having a major anxiety attack and I didn't know what to do with myself. I certainly didn't feel myself until about 3 months after, and even then, I was so sad to see others moving on when I had lost something.

    If you need to talk at all, PM me

  23. Nutella

    persimmon / 1045 posts

    @2PeasinaPod: thank you

    Thanks to everyone who commented for your support. I saw my OBGYN (from my first pregnancy) yesterday - he was really kind & reassuring, definitely made me feel less anxious. And he was able to book me in for the d&c this afternoon, which was great as I won't have to wait as long as if I had gone through our public system here in Aus. I think once my head got into this space of wanting closure I needed things to move fast.

    So thanks again for the kind words everyone. Hoping it all goes smoothly today!

  24. 2PeasinaPod

    pomelo / 5524 posts

    @Nutella: How was your procedure? I'm hoping you're recovering well.

  25. LovelyPlum

    eggplant / 11408 posts

    @Nutella: thinking of you this afternoon

  26. winniebee

    hostess / wonderful grape / 20803 posts

    So so sorry for your loss

  27. LibbyLou

    kiwi / 739 posts

    Thinking of you during your d&c today.

  28. Alivoo01

    wonderful olive / 19353 posts

    Thinking of you today!

  29. Raindrop

    grapefruit / 4731 posts

    *big hugs* Sorry this happened! You are not alone!

  30. Kimberlybee

    grapefruit / 4997 posts

    @Nutella: I am so sorry for your loss. Thinking of you and hope everything goes as smooth as possible.

  31. Nutella

    persimmon / 1045 posts

    @2PeasinaPod: thanks for checking in, sorry I only saw this now. It all went as smoothly as could have hoped, I thankfully could feel no pain in the days following. I was pretty numb for a day or two afterwArds, I just slept & ate meals in bed after that I started to feel normal again, even had a haircut on the weekend...and enjoyed it. but the past few days I have just felt super down! And really sad in general. I can't seem to shake it, just keep wondering if we should try again soon or maybe use this chance to plan a bit of travel we have only been able to dream of in the past few years!
    But I feel like the only way I can move on is by getting (& staying) pregnant again! Argh, my mind is so preoccupied!

    Definitely glad the D&C went ok though. Was so scared of the general anaesthetic but turned out ok.
    Thanks for your message, the support here is amazing xx
    @LovelyPlum: @winniebee: @LibbyLou: @Alivoo01: @Raindrop: @Kimberlybee: thank you for your thoughts and wishes

  32. FannyMae

    persimmon / 1461 posts

    @Nutella: thinking of you, I just read your posts in the beyond miscarriage thread (I still read the thread but haven't posted there in a while). I had a mc at 9 weeks, just before christmas last year, and had a d&c also, but needed misoprostol afterwards as well.

    Take care of yourself in these coming weeks, be gentle with yourself as you heal. I remember those feelings of sadness and and anxiety, hormones crashing as my body adjusted post miscarriage. Im also an aussie in melbourne, and this cold and rainy weather probably isn't helping at the moment stay warm and lots of cuppas!

  33. 2PeasinaPod

    pomelo / 5524 posts

    @Nutella: I'm glad the procedure went well, and everything you're feeling is absolutely normal. @FannyMae is totally right on with making sure you take care of yourself. Only you know what's best for you. I gave myself a few months to heal, and we did go on vacation during that time which helped.

    The good thing is, you don't have to decide right this second what you want to do. The further removed you are from the day, the more your hormones will start to regulate, and the more you'll start to feel like yourself. That was important to me as we moved on.

    Sending lots of love and prayers that you get through this

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