Do any of you have flaky people in your life, the type of people who make plans and always back out at the last minute? If so, how do you deal with it?
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I do. I don't make plans with them often!
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My MIL....we honestly just learned to never expect that she will actually show up or do anything she says she will. That way, we are never disappointed and always pleasantly surprised when she does follow through. DH has a friend who always cancels plans last minute though and he's finally decided just to stop hanging out with him because it was becoming too frustrating for him.
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@blackbird: Good call! I have some friends who are flaky and if I do make plans with them, I don't really consider myself to be busy until I am physically hanging out with them.
My husband is actually VERY flaky when it comes to his friends and that's what sparked this post. It drives me insane!
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I used to. Not so much anymore. I don't really have the patience for flaky people. I think "flaky" is mostly a nicer way of saying "selfish." My time is no less important than anyone else's time, so people who are chronically late or backing out of stuff annoy me because I feel like they just don't respect me/my time, and that's not really the sort of person I want to be around anyways.
I do still have a few people who are flaky I deal with but to a lesser extent. Work-related people you just sort of can't do anything about. I recognize how they are and just sort of take any commitment they make with a grain of salt.
I still have one friend person who is SOMEWHAT flaky (although not horribly so) that I just can't drop because it is someone I've been friends with for so long and there is too much history there I feel like. Basically I've just put him on notice that his flakiness pisses me off and we work around it by not really playing into his game. Like he is a big fan of the "want to maybe do something friday?" and I say "sure. what/when?" and then he says "I'll get back to you" then he doesn't. So now I always tell him that I just don't make wishy washy plans. Don't ask me to do something until you have a time and place and you are sure you can make it because I'm not going to be waiting around for you to figure your sh*t out lol.
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I don't really have anyone in my life like that currently. I do have lots of people who make plans and ALWAYS show up late. To the point where they say they will be somewhere at 3pm and I don't expect them until 4.
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@Mae: I completely agree with you on the selfish thing! I find it rude, selfish and inconsiderate. People who are chronically late are a major pet peeve of mine too.
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I guess I would fall into the category of flaky...after my son was born, I would be so into making plans and going places, but then on the day of, I'd have horrible anxiety and literally wouldn't be able to stomach going, so I'd cancel.
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@pui: That's my mom. Whenever she makes plans, she is always at least 30-60 minutes late. If we have my family over, I always tell them to come one hour before we actually want them there and usually she will be late even then.
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@looch: That is so different IMO! It's not like you are making the plans knowing you won't follow through, or you're cancelling because you "don't feel like it".
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I've got a few very flaky friends. I like both girls a lot and when we're together we have a great time. I've never really had patience for flakiness but now that im older and have my own responsibilities I have even less. I just don't really consider any plans made until the moment it happens and often just say im busy if I don't want to be stood up or wait an hour at a restaurant lol.
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@alohaorchid: I guess so, but I never felt comfortable saying, "oh, I am not coming because i am having a terrible anxiety attack right now." So no one really knew what the problem was, I'd just blame my husband for being at work late or my son for being ill.
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I just have low expectations and I know I won't see them.
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@JerricaBenton: That's exactly how I am with those kinds of friends... they're not plans until someone actually shows up. Sometimes I'll make plans with them for things that I wouldn't mind doing by myself, like a yoga class or shopping.
@looch: Makes sense. I'm sorry that you have been dealing with that. I have suffered from anxiety too so I know how you feel.
@autumnlove: That's how I feel too. The lower my expectations, the less chance of disappointment.
I just wish I could make my husband see that this is how his friends see him! And possibly me by association.
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@alohaorchid: exactly...that's the best way - make plans you don't mind doing by yourself.
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Honestly I used too but since having LO, I have mostly cut them out of my life. I need to make plans well in advance now I want those plans to be reliable.
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ugh flaky people are my biggest pet peave.
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@alohaorchid: yeah, I guess the point is to cut people some slack. The reason they flake out could be a whole host of reasons.
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@looch: I completely agree! I just know my husband flakes on his friends to watch sports or because he's feeling lazy
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i have a friend who wasn't always like that, but once she got a boyfriend and into a grad program that keeps her insanely busy, she became super flaky. I was kind of sad/annoyed, but now i just don't make plans with her anymore or expect that she will keep them. occasionally i hear from her and she says "let's do something next week!" and i say "sure, tell me when you are free", and that is where the convo ends, lol.
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My bff is flaky...but I just plan around it.
DS's dad is really flaky. I can't do much about it, except be here consistently for DS.
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I don't but if I'm going to a meetup (where I don't know anyone there, I might be more inclined on backing out. I just will lose the courage to go to social events if I'm not feeling completely up for it.) If it's an meetup event where I paid money, I'll definitely go.
But, in general, for other events, I'm very reliable.
My DH, on the otherhand, can be fairly flakely, but most of the time it's because of his asthma. If he had a bad attack or is close to going to the hospital, he won't go. His friends and family understand his condition, so they shouldn't fault him.
I get on his case because he might use his asthma on events he doesn't want to go to (i.e. events that I want to go to.)
Like he'll go to his friends house (if it's important) and will be in a middle of an attack, but if it's important, he'll still go. He has degrees of flakeness.
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Umm, yes. My best friend from college is a known flake. She got engaged last year and said they were getting married this summer. We were planning on going to the wedding (which involves purchasing 3 transatlantic tickets) and she never confirmed the date. When I finally heard back from her last week, I learned that the date has been pushed back to 2015! Haha, but honestly it doesn't surprise me with this friend and I'm not particularly bothered by it. I know that's how she is.
Like he'll go to his friends house (if it's important) and will be in a middle of an attack, but if it's important, he'll still go. He has degrees of flakeness.
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