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I've been thinking of you
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You have amazing strength and many, many hugs to you.
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I'm so glad you checked in. I've been thinking about you guys. Hope you're finding peace.
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Thanks for taking the time to update us, glad to hear you're OK considering the circumstances.
to you.
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@Torchwood: I'm very sorry you went through what you did. Thanks for directing us to your blog. I am really quite interested as I didn't ever think I'd interact with someone who did a late-term abortion. On your blog you wrote: "the first reaction really is just relief. Not to mention that I’m much more physically comfortable. The third trimester is no joke. My ribs are still ache-y where her butt was jammed up in them for weeks." I'm really curious to know if these are truly your first reactions following the late-term abortion.
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Hugs to you, brave mama!
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Much love to you and your DH.
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Wow, what strength you have!!!!
Prayed for comfort and love -
@MrsMcD: Not so much the relief of being more comfortable, but yes, the first reaction was relief. Relief that it was over. It was *extremely* painful, definitely the worst pain I've ever been in, for hours. I had been dreading it for weeks, and it was every bit as bad as I feared, if not worse. I'm not exaggerating in saying that I'll need therapy to even consider facing birthing another child. Also, the post where I cover procedure will explain more, but she had been dead for several days at that point. So it was also a huge relief to just not know that I was still carrying my dead daughter. The feelings after the shot on the first day that stopped her heart were very, very far from relief, but I had mostly processed those feelings at that time, and was ready for it to be done.
And lastly, as far as my body was concerned, I had just given birth. It didn't know it was basically a stillbirth. So I had all of the positive hormones that you hear people describe after giving birth. All the emotional pain didn't hit till later, when those wore off. At that point genuinely the number one thing I was feeling was relief that the physical pain had finally stopped.
Though since you point it out, it might be better to take out that part, just so people don't misunderstand. I tend to make light of things at times, as a way of helping myself process. I have to joke about it sometimes, to keep it from crushing me. But if it's not coming across that way, I don't want people to think this was no big deal.
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Thank you for updating us, I think about you all the time. Sending lots of peace and comfor to you and your husband.
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@Torchwood: Please don't feel like you have to justify or reword your feelings to please anyone else. You went through something very few people can even begin to understand. Your thoughts and feelings are completely your own and your entitled to them whatever they may be.
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@Torchwood: Your openness, honesty, and light-hearted nature are inspiring. Please don't remove or edit anything from your blog post. You don't owe anyone an explanation. I'm actually a little surprised at the audacity and insensitivity of the PP who chose to question your reaction. No one will ever think that you could take such a difficult decision lightly. You have been so strong!
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Edited for sensitivity.
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@Torchwood: It did not come across like it was no big deal. I think the majority of your readers realize that. Sometimes making light of situations, as grave as something like this, IS the only way to get through them.
Not to get off topic, but just so you know it's not just you. My cousin is a paramedic, and he sees some very horrific stuff. He has told me stories in private (not in any professional setting) that him and his co-workers make jokes about certain situations because, as you said, it's the only thing from making them buckle under the stress.
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@MrsMcD: I think you are out of line.
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@MrsMcD: Until you experience anything similar to what Torchwood is going through you have absolutely NO right to question her feelings, response, or the way she is processing things. Please move on, you are completely out of line.
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@MrsMcD: Seems sad the OP can post how thankful she was to not receive any negative comments and here we are. How the OP processes her loss is hers and hers alone. There should not be any judgment from someone who has never been in her situation.
@Torchwood: I have been thinking about you
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@Torchwood: I don't think anyone could ever be foolish enough to believe the loss of your daughter wasn't a big deal to you. You've been such a courageous and loving mother, you've gone through so much pain to spare your child. Please don't feel like you need to prove your love for your daughter or justify your feelings to anyone.
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Sorry girls. Point taken. Its an awful situation and I truly feel bad for OP and her baby girl.
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@MrsMcD: your comment(s) to @Torchwood: is/are the worst comment(s) I have ever seen on HB.
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I have been thinking about you. Hugs.
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@MrsMcD: Wow. Just wow. How do you sleep at night?
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@MrsMcD: you call yourself a Christian, please act like one. Such heartless comments.
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@MrsMcD: If you truly felt badly for her, you wouldn't have commented in the ways you have in the first place. And you know that.
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@MrsMcD: whoa. That last comment was extremely rude. You don't have to agree with OP's choice, but I would expect people to show compassion for someone who has lost a child or if they can't, to have enough poise to keep their thoughts to themselves. It is not your place to judge her grieving process. I sincerely hope you never have an occasion to become personally familiar with the grieving process of losing a child, but if you do, I would hope people would offer you more comfort than you have offered.
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@MrsMcD: is just as brave to post her comments and opinions as @torchwood: is for posting her experience. It's something most of us have never been through and can't personally relate to but, at the end of the day, it's still a fairly controversial topic. For everyone to flame @MrsMcD: because they don't agree with her comments and/or opinions is just as bad. Her comments are to @torchwood: and for @torchwood: to respond to. Not for the rest of us to judge. Otherwise that makes all of you just as bad with the things you're saying to @MrsMcD. Those are equally "out of line" and the "worst things I've ever seen on HB" so how do all of you "sleep at night?"?!
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@Torchwood: my thoughts are with you! Please don't edit your post, your feelings are just that YOUR feelings, please don't let negative comments interfere with your healing process.
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@LindsayInNY: I think it's fine to have an open discussion about this topic, but NOT on judging someone's personal feelings on their own personal loss. There is a time and place for everything and her comments were, plain and simply, rude.
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@LindsayInNY: IMHO, those comments were incredibly insensitive to Torchwood and *that* is what I disagree with.
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@LindsayInNY: Personal opinions are not really required in this situation. I don't see it as "brave" to shame someone who is going through a terrible situation.
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Girls, I took out my last comment to reflect my sensitivity to the situation. And clearly I have not expressed religious views on this thread. In any event, OP's loss of the little girl should truly be the focus of this thread so I am sorry if I detracted away from any of that.
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@LindsayInNY: on what planet is losing a child in anyway similar to making judgemental heartless comments?!? MrsMcD is just as brave as Torchwood? Seriously? Perhaps that kind of thinking works with your friends over on GOMI but not here.
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@LindsayInNY: No, she was not brave. In fact, if I were to voice how I really feel about her comments I'd probably be removed from this forum. To go read the OPs personal blog, call her out on it, and then accuse her of not grieving and only thinking of herself WAS out of line. She does not need to agree with OPs decision, but I can't imagine how any human with half a heart would make those kinds of remarks and accusations.
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@MamaMoose: Yes, she posted her opinion, whether we agree or disagree with it (the opinion, posting, etc.). And that takes guts to do in any situation. But feel free to make your below the belt, passive agressive GOMI comments...
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You have been (and will continue to be) in my prayers and thoughts.
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@LindsayInNY: time and place for everything. This wasn't it. This wasn't a debate thread. It is a thread about a decision and loss no parents should ever have to make and go through. A sweet, little, girl was lost and that should be and needs to be the focus.
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@LindsayInNY: Are you serious?
You really think that shaming someone’s grieving process by saying things like “sorry if I missed the part about your aborted little girl” and that “maybe there is no grieving process taking place with the OP” is just as bad as pointing out that those are incredibly rude and thoughtless things to say to someone? Really?
Someone tearing into someone else who is grieving, for no reason other than to make the OP feel like crap is not brave, no matter how you spin it.
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Thanks for the update.
We're here for you.
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@Torchwood: thank you for updating us. I have been thinking of you and your DH, and wondering how you were doing. I hope you continue to get the support you need and am sending love and good wishes your way.
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188 comments