Hellobee Boards

@Anagram: uhh I wouldn't go LOL.

How muh is it for DH to go by himself? That's $1,000 per day for a wedding!

I'd take their word that no gifts are necessary. We had the same situation last year and didn't give a gift.

that's cray cray. Id send DH alone. Or could your mom stay home with LO so you could at least get a little vacation alone with dH and not have to pay for your mom to come?

If you're set on going I night get a small small gift. Like max $25!

@Anagram: ah gotcha. I was thinking your mom was local. I say go Friday and enjoy the vacation!

@Anagram: We had and are having a similar issue. Recently, I was in an out-of-country wedding at an all-inclusive. So I totally get you on the double-occupancy thing. Thankfully we didn't have to pay for my ILs to watch LO, but it was a very very long journey both directions and the AI wasn't cheap either. All the other BMs gave cash as gifts, so I just did the same. But they did not say anything like, "no gifts."

This year was supposed to be a similar wedding (but family member) and the location was suddenly switched from Mexico (bc of hurricane destruction) to a very hard to get to AI in Central America. Looking at the time, travel, transportation, and lodging, it's become frightening at almost $5K. We haven't decided or told my family yet, but we may just NOT be able to go. As DH said, even if we gave a huge gift (like $1K or something) - we'd be saving a lot. All this to say, IDK what the right answer is. I come from a background where not giving a gift is rude. But I also didn't expect nor receive gifts from everyone at our own destination wedding (probably 80% gave gifts).

Lastly, if you can swing it, I'd really take 1-2 extra days for yourselves to enjoy. I kept trying to convince DH of this last time and he did regret it because outside of the wedding, we had no time to do anything unwed ding-related.

@Anagram: I would not give a gift. That's a lot of money to spend! Especially since it's not only a holiday weekend (peak fares), but you still have to take time off since it's the least convenient weekend if the holiday.

Fun fact- we went to a semi-destination wedding over New Years, so hotels and flights were way more expensive, gave a gift... Same couple came to our fairly local wedding and didn't give us a card.

@Anagram: I'm sure they forgot or each spouse thought the other one did it, but Dh and I still joke snarkily about t with each other four years later.

I would probably give a gift anyway, even though it is adding up. I feel for you though -- destination weddings are so expensive to attend.

No, you absolutely do not need to give a gift!

Nope! No gift necessary. You are already going above and beyond

Um, no you don't need to give a gift. No one ever really needs to give a wedding gift - they aren't mandatory. I've gone to weddings in the country that cost us over $1,000 in expenses and we give them a card. Weddings should be about people celebrating the union & love of two other people (and if the couple gets cranky about not getting sheets or something, because gift money was spent on getting the guests TO the wedding, then boo to them).

No gift. But, I wouldn't go in this case- that's a lot of expenses to incur. I'd have my husband go alone.

ETA: went back and read that not going doesn't save you much. Still no gift.

I would give a very small gift (not money) as a nice gesture. You presumably know the couple and their taste well enough (since your husband is the best man) and could come up with something small (<$20) that they would like.

I would give cash. I know it adds up but I'd feel weird not giving anything.