I was watching the movie w/ Justin Timberlake (btw, I love him, but he really just isn't that great of an actor...) & Mila Kunis. I know there was another movie about the same thing w/ Ashton Kutcher & Natalie Portman.
I've never had a friend w/ benefit; do you think it works? Have you had one that worked out, or didn't?
bananas / 9899 posts
I've never had one either... in my experience with some people I know who did this, one person always ends up inevitably wanting to take the relationship further while the other is happy with just being friends. That's not necessary bad for the one who isn't interested because they can just cut the sex and move on to another person, but it sucks for the person who wanted more and usually messes up the friendship.
wonderful pear / 26210 posts
It works if that is what both people want. It obviously doesn't work when one person enters into this thinking it could evolve into more (as it usually doesn't).
pomelo / 5469 posts
@pui: exactly this. I couldn't sleep with someone I wasn't interested in having a relationship with anyway.
GOLD / wonderful apricot / 22646 posts
Never had one, but I have seen it work out with other ppl. They weren't all that great of "friends" though. And they were both on the same page.
I've also seen the "friends with benefits" turned relationship turned engagement turned wedding!
wonderful kiwi / 23653 posts
@illumina: I know, I really don't understand how one can be intimate physically w/o the emotional aspect!
@mrsjyw: Wow, that's really great! Like the movies where they always end up working out!
bananas / 9628 posts
mr. bird was. well, first he was my personal trainer, then we were kind of friends, then.... yeah. we were fine with it, until we weren't. it was a few months before anyone realized we weren't just friends (when we were just friends everyone thought we were sleeping together, but by the time we did, everyone had accepted we had a weird friendship that no one quite got). he was still... seeing... his ex (they broke up because he refused to stop speaking to me) & i was fine with it, then i realized i wanted to see where we would go if we spent daylight hours together too, so one night i told him it was totally fine if he wanted to keep seeing other people, but that if he did, he shouldn't come back to my bed, that we'd still be friends and he'd still be my trainer, but i didn't want to sleep with him anymore if he was with anyone else and then we lived happily ever after 
grapefruit / 4089 posts
I've done it. I was going through a bit of a rough patch, and it was what I needed at the time. I was happy with our arrangement and had no regrets when we ended things (amicably), but he may have been slightly more attached than I was.
GOLD / wonderful olive / 19030 posts
Yes, my college boyfriend and I ended up being FWB for several years on and off until I met my now DH. It was pretty much whenever I was single we would start talking again and hangout and say it was "casual."
When I first met DH I told him that I met someone and I was done, no more talking/hanging out/ect. He took it hard, but it was my best decision becuase I finally devoted everything I had into my DH without this ex in the back of my mind.
nectarine / 2177 posts
Ummm that is how DH and I started out! We didn't officially become a couple until 9 months after a one night stand (after 5 years of friendship). We fooled around for 9 months and it was very fun but very confusing. Thank god it worked out, because there was no way our friendship could have gone back to normal!
pomegranate / 3716 posts
Twice early on in college. I am still friends with both guys, and even more interesting, DH is friends with them too (and he knows about both FWB situations)
coconut / 8681 posts
I've had one. It didn't work out because I ended up wanting a relationship. I moved on and met someone who would give me that (ended up being DH). The guy id been fooling around with eventually realized he wanted a relationship with me too but it was too late, thank goodness.
wonderful kiwi / 23653 posts
@mrs. bird: That is such a cute story!!
@PermaStudent:
@LuLu Mom:
Interesting that the guy was the more attached one here!
wonderful kiwi / 23653 posts
@Running Elley: That's so interesting... If that guy and you had the same thought at the same time then you would've ended up together! Funny how life works out, but I'm glad your DH got in there just in time!
papaya / 10570 posts
I guess I've kinda done it but it wasn't how I thought of it at the time.
He was my, at the time, very recent ex's friend and so we both knew that it could go no further and it was "just a bit of fun". We went out to dinner, hung out at each other's houses and, yeah, *that* too...... To be honest, though, I was pretty darn attached....
The irony was, as the "friendship" had started to fizzle out and we were meeting less and less frequently, I met my DH. I went out for dinner with this guy one last time (just dinner) to tell him that I'd met someone and this "thing" needed to end and he announced that he had told a bunch of his friends (the ex's mutual friends) that we were together and was waiting for this ex to confront him...... I was horrified!!!!
I've no idea if the ex ever found out but he deleted me off Facebook soon after (lol). I do hope my "friend" didn't get too much grief for it, he was a good guy.
pomelo / 5789 posts
I've had a few. As @looch mentions, they can be great if both people are honest and have the same intentions....but quite often one person is looking for more, and the other isn't and it gets messy.
I was FWB with someone, and really fell for him. That was soo stupid of me!
honeydew / 7504 posts
I had a couple. One ended in a HUGE disaster - I totally fell for him (though he also totally led me on), had my heart broken, and was severely damaged by it.
Then my ex-boyfriend and I started FWBing for a few months. We were besties anyway, and both single and lonely and well...horny. We already knew the sex was great, so, we figured, WTH? It worked out fine (in fact, he took me to Maui with his family - SCORE) and we're both now happily married to other people and still very close friends!
wonderful kiwi / 23653 posts
@wheres_c: that must have been hard though! I feel like it's harder than dating b/c the terms were already laid out, so you can't expect anything unless the other person happens to be on the same page.
I guess to be FWB to begin with, you need to be somewhat attracted to each other already so it's no surprise to actually fall for the person?
pomelo / 5789 posts
@snowjewelz: Yeah, in my case we worked together. I actually kinda thought he felt the same way, until one day I found a note at work that he was resigning and moving back to Atlanta!
pomegranate / 3438 posts
Yup. We met on a dating site, went out on a couple dates but I think we both realized it wasn't going to go anywhere. So we stayed friends. We were both in college so we would hang out and watch movies and study together. And take advantage of the others benefits It was a fantastic arrangement and we were both happy. No strings attached. It went on for almost a year and then I met DH so we stopped. Easy peasy.
wonderful kiwi / 23653 posts
@KT326: What an ideal arrangement! I think there would be more FWB situations if they all work out like yours!
pomegranate / 3438 posts
@snowjewelz: I think the reason it worked out so well is that we both knew we weren't going work as a couple. But we still liked each other enough to stay friends. On our second date we actually discussed being FWB!
pomelo / 5228 posts
I had a few guy friends in college that were somehow more than friends, but nothing physical ever happened. And with 2 of them, I did get jealous once girlfriends came into the picture. Not a good idea!
pear / 1955 posts
@littlebug: I had the same situation with an ex, and I thought it was ironic how much better we worked out as FWB rather than in an actual relationship! I was in that stage where my expectations were SO high for a boyfriend, but I was able to let them go and just enjoy the present when we were FWB. It ended when we both met other people we wanted to pursue, and we're still really good friends!
GOLD / cantaloupe / 6581 posts
Haha yeah, I was FWB with a HS boyfriend of mine in college. Whenever we were both single and in the same place, we'd um, hang out. Honestly, I was totally fine with it! There was one other that ended up being more complicated. I have to say... I do not miss being single! I'll take my "boring" marriage over FWBs or complications any day!
pomegranate / 3411 posts
@Mrs.Someone: i've had a similar situation where i was super close to a guy and neither of us made a move, but somehow it felt like we were dating....until i started dating DH, my other guy friend even admitted he was jealous and I remember thinking that i would want to try to be with him if it didn't work out with DH!
I've also had a FWB in the other sense and it didn't really go anywhere pleasant, nor were we friends after it ended. But we also weren't that close to start. I wanted more but basically I just took what he offered, bleh.
pear / 1974 posts
Yep - we were friends for a very long time before and we are still friends after so it was ok, but during, it wasn't really cool. There were a lot of miscommunication and confusion and we wanted more at different times and it was just not a good idea.
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