I recently got a baby gift from one of my best friends off of our registry. Don't get me wrong, I am very grateful for anything our friends and family get us, but to be brutally honest, when I found out the gift (which was pretty cheap, less than $20) I was a bit surprised. I guess, for close friends I expect more because if it were me, I'd spend more depending on the type of relationship I had with the person. Am I being completely silly? I'm not upset about the price, but wondering if it's a reflection on our friendship.
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Was the gift a spur of the moment, "I'm so happy you're having a baby, here's something right now" type of gift? Or was it a gift for your baby shower?
I sent something like that to my friend when she announced she was pregnant. When she had her shower, I sent her the big gift I had planned on sending. If this was for your shower, I might be put off. I give gifts based on closeness in our relationship. If I love you to death, you'll get a bigger gift than if you're a friend I'm not sure will be around in 5 years.
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I spend based on what I can afford, not closeness. But if it's a good friend I'll usually do DIY something because then at least they know it's from the heart.
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I can see where you're coming from. I'm currently waiting on my full-time job to start (next week!), so I've been working part time since October. However, my best friend's son just had his 5th birthday and I spent about $40 on his gift because I knew he'd love it and I guess I'd spent enough time with him to know what he'd want. So yeah, I can see where you're coming from. BUT I don't think it has to be that way.
I also often DIY gifts for people closest to me, like my little sister.
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@Mediagirl brings up a good point. Maybe she will give you something else later.
But maybe she really can't afford to give you more at this point?
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I'm not having a shower, so it would be a shower/baby gift. I don't think it's necessarily the cost, but more expectations of someone whose close to me. I guess, I expected more. In terms of DIY, I actually think those mean more because someone took the time. In terms of budget, she's pretty well off, maybe that's why it been bothering me?!
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People give what they can afford to give at the time they are buying the gift. The cost of the gift shouldnt be a reflection of how close they are to you.
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playing devil's advocate here
maybe she isn't as well off right now as you think? we appear to be very well off - DH is making over 60k/year, we live in an apartment and have old cars, and to anyone it would appear that all our extra money would be poured into a savings account.well, no..all our extra money is being poured into paying down credit card debt..don't even get me started! stupid, stupid, stupid 20 y/o decisions. I'm lucky he married me with it! sigh..anyway, not to thread jack, but she might not be as well off as she's projecting?
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Do you think your friend might have some other items she purchased for you that's not on your registry. Only about 50% of the people who got us gifts got things off of our registry.
I agree with you though. I would spend more on a close friend/family member.. -
I have found that many people are just bad gift givers. They're not really attune to what is "appropriate". She may be planning to give you something later on. Or she may fall into the category of people that aren't good gift givers. My husband and I are close with another couple. We exchange gifts every year and I never like the "cheap" gift they give.
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Yeah, I think everyone brings up very valid points. I just am being honest that I didn't expect a $20 gift from a good friend who seems to be doing well, but then again you never really know someone's situation.
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I hear ya, it's definitely something that at the very least makes you go, "huh?". I used to get annoyed, every year, with their (what I viewed to be) tacky, thoughtless gift. It's less about the amount spent than the lack of thought behind the gift.
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i would feel exactly the way you do. but sometimes, you think you know someone's financial position, but you REALLY don't. some people just live large but can't afford it. i would definitely spend more than $20 on a close friend's shower (or non-shower, in your case) but if it were like 10 years ago when i had no money, $20, would probably have been a stretch.
i say just be thankful they thought of you and move on. and maybe you'll be getting something nicer in the mail.
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I think that I would feel similar to how you do. I would echo PPs though in that you really don't know how well off they are.
DH and I both make decent salaries, but we have some debt, school loans, etc. We definitely don't have tons of money to do with what we want, and some months are tighter than others (example: December is ALWAYS tight for us. Nov. I have to register my car - $325, and it needed new tires prior to inspection - $600, and then we pay for Christmas gifts). So it might be the time of year as well!
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You don't really know her financial situation, so I'd say it's probably unfair to pass judgement. Then again, some people are just cheap.
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If it happened to me now, I'd be annoyed. When I was younger, and didn't know better, I probably only spent $20 because I didn't have much $ and because I didn't really know proper etiquette. Now that I'm older, and a bit wiser, the gifts have gotten better. I usually have a set standard and value goes up depending on relationship. Also, perhaps the fact that you aren't throwing a shower may throw people off. People only tend to think they need to send a gift when they are given an invitation and a note of where you are registered as a reminder "it's time to get a gift."
In any case, I echo what everyone has said. Let it slide and maybe you'll get something else down the line. If she's close, I'm sure she'll be around to celebrate your baby's 1st birthday, Christmas, etc... there are many more opportunities to get a gift.
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Yeah, I'm not going to do anything because I'm still grateful for the gift. I'm just being honest and saying, I did feel a little puzzled that one of my best friends would get me a gift that I didn't particularly found matched the type of close friendship we have. Again, it wasn't the amount per se but gesture. I guess, if it was the other way around I just would have done something differently. Just sounding off. I still consider her a great friend and her gift will come in handy, but I don't think I'm not the only one that would have scratched their head on this one.
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@Clementine: also, could be her "budget" for certain kinda gifts. for example, i give about $100 for wedding. $50 for baby showers and wedding showers, $20 for regular kids' bdays.... so she may have her own budgets. if it makes you feel better, when she has a shower, you can spend $20 on her. although if they're actually throwing the shower, you should spend a little more since they prepare food and all that.
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@Tequiero21, that's very true. Naw, when she has a baby I'm going to do what I would normally do. Maybe that's just her. It's fine =)
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It could also be that some people just really suck at gift giving. We had 1 couple who we are really close to give a completely impractical gift that made no sense for our baby. They were really proud of the gift, but it definitely left my husband and I scratching our heads. This has been a repeat pattern with them. They regularly give very odd gifts that I can tell they are super proud of giving.
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I'm one of those people who suck at gift giving. I think at my cousin's shower that I actually went to I spent maybe 30$, and the one I didn't go to (another cousin) I spent around 45$? Mind you I had never been to a shower before and had no idea what I was supposed to spend, and we are very tight on cash.
More than anything, even if it was something small, at least she tried.
maybe she isn't as well off right now as you think? we appear to be very well off - DH is making over 60k/year, we live in an apartment and have old cars, and to anyone it would appear that all our extra money would be poured into a savings account.Reply
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