Simply put, DH and I are atheist and agnostic respectively. DH is Italian and was raised Catholic and their family has a long tradition of having godparents. We have settled on my BFF and DH's BFF as her guardians should anything happen, but I'd love to "formally" name them as her godparents. She'll be 2 by the time we can get around to doing anything but better late than never, I guess. lol
Im sort of stumped on what we could do. Ideas?
honeydew / 7811 posts
This is interesting. DH and I are similar to you guys when it comes to religious beliefs. If we had to choose godparents I know exactly who we would choose, but I thought the purpose of godparents was religious education? Instead, we call the person who would be LO's godfather "uncle J" and that makes him feel pretty special.
I say you can do whatever you want though. 
nectarine / 2750 posts
We still named my SIL and BIL as godparents. No ceremony or church service or anything. We just asked them. We are still spiritual in our own ways (just don't subscribe to any one religion) and would want them to care for LO and also support/encourage his curiosity about different faiths.
pineapple / 12526 posts
@cmomma17: Traditionally, yes, it's a religious thing. In DH's family, it's more of a cultural one.
pomegranate / 3791 posts
When you say formally name them as godparents, do you mean through the Catholic church? You can call around and ask, but in my experience in order to have a Catholic baptism done (which is when godparents are named), the priest will generally want you and your husband (or at least one of you) to be Catholic and a member of the parish, and you as well as the godparents would have to make a promise about raising your child in the Catholic faith and with a belief in God.
My DH and I are also atheist and agnostic, but I was raised Catholic and that's what pretty much my whole family is - but they would probably be offended if we went through with a baptism basically just for show, because to them it is an important sacrament where you make promises that are meant to be taken quite seriously. I'm sure they wish I was religious and really wanted it, but they don't want me making promises to the church/priest that I have no intention of keeping. You can try to find a church that doesn't feel that way, but honestly I'm always a bit confused by non-religious people choosing godparents and going through a ceremony and promises that they don't believe in when the title you already mentioned, guardians, is so much more accurate.
I know that my opinion tends to not be a very popular one, and it seems to be becoming more common for non-religious people to name godparent, but they seem to be changing the definition of the word when they do so. A godparent is someone who is meant to help your child grow up in the Catholic faith and encourage their bond with Jesus and God. They do NOT retain custody of the children if something were to happen to the parents unless they have also been legally named as the guardian. so it's important that you make sure that is done. Beyond that I'd say you need to talk to your DH and some churches in the area.
pineapple / 12526 posts
@wonderstruck: We have no intention of baptizing her or indoctrinating her into ANY church, unless it's by her own choice when she is older. I already explained it's more of a cultural choice for us. Thank you for your opinion, but none of it really applies to our situation.
pineapple / 12526 posts
@tlcbaby: We did already ask them. I guess maybe that's enough.
pomelo / 5820 posts
My parents asked their best friends to be my godparents when I was first born. They didn't belong to a church, or practice a particular area of Christianity, so they asked them without having a ceremony or anything like that. If you want to do something more, what about a nice card or letter explaining why you've chosen them? You could also go out to dinner with them to celebrate.
honeydew / 7811 posts
I like how @pepper is thinking. A nice card or letter, take them out to dinner (or have them over), get a pic of them with C, etc. I'm sure they are honored.
wonderful pear / 26210 posts
My husband and I named three godparents for our son, my brother, his sister and his best friend. They are Catholic, Protestant and Muslim respectively. The point for us is to have an extended village where my son can ask for help and opinions, not be raised in any specific faith. That's for him to choose, not me.
I am a former Catholic, by the way. Guardians are a legal thing for us, so no, the godparents are not guardians in our case.
As for a ceremony, I thought a lot about it and I couldn't come to a decision about doing anything and have avoided it.
blogger / coconut / 8306 posts
Traditionally, in the Roman Catholic Church, god parents were chosen and present at baptism not only to guide you spiritually but were also supposed to be your future caregivers if your parents ever passed away.
It isn't a requirement any longer, though. We are not the same religion, and my family is also Italian with strong catholic beliefs. We did have Chloe baptized, we did choose god parents (one catholic, one not), and in our will we named completely different people to be her guardians if we should pass away.
Similar to you, it was more symbolic to us than anything else.
I would simply ask them to be godparents and leave it at that! Other than saying "yes" at our baptism, the god parents didn't do anything special.
hostess / watermelon / 14932 posts
I wrote a thread about this exact question awhile back! The general opinion seemed to be that it was silly if I wasn't planning on converting back or whatnot.
But I get you. I have 3 godparents and WAS baptized but guess what, they never did a single thing with me regarding church (except I guess going to my first communion). I stopped CCD around age 9, and that was that. I still consider them my godparents - they're two aunts and an uncle, but almost like - special ones? Well, one is. She goes above and beyond the 'normal' aunt duties and we are pretty close.
I wanted to "name" my brother but can't come up with a godmother. My husband doesn't really seem to agree or care because he's strictly atheist now after been having raised JW, so he doesn't get why I want them, haha.
Also (sorry for novel!!) ours would be different than guardians..my parents are her guardians should something happen to us.
coconut / 8234 posts
@zippylef: DH and I are the same as you guys, he's an atheist and I'm spiritual but not at all religious. Godparents are a cultural thing for us, too. But not legal guardians. We wanted to have a little ceremony in our home but that didn't workout since her godparents are in different states. We just asked. DH asked his cousins by phone, no fanfare. I sent my bff a card with a little silver charm (the coach from Cinderella) for her Pandora bracelet. Also, in the card I spoke about not just being a godparent but being a guide parent, someone LO can go to not just for spiritual guidance but for anything she is struggling with.
wonderful pea / 17279 posts
Ceremony or not, just by bestowing the title and allowing them access to your LO to form a relationship is enough IMO.
My plan is to make our selection known to family and friends during the first baby related event.
Edit: God parents were significant in my family. My parents picked great ones. They were closer to us than even some family members. They were named in a religious ceremony, but our bond had nothing to do with religion as my parents barely went to church other than our Baptism and Easter.
hostess / watermelon / 14932 posts
@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: your edit is my exact experience as well, with the exception that we didn't go church at all..lol
nectarine / 2063 posts
I got asked to be a God Mother over the phone by my BFF who is a Pagan. It's simply and honor I have been given & if something were to happen to them I am to take care of their child. If that were to happen I have been told to let her make her own religious choices as she gets older.
pomegranate / 3791 posts
@zippylef: Sorry, I misunderstood - since you said DH's family was Catholic and it was a tradition for them, I was assuming you were thinking of a godparent in the traditional religious way, I didn't see your update about it being more cultural until I had already responded.
pomelo / 5178 posts
I grew up in a Protestant household, but my sisters and I had a Catholic godfather growing up. He was one of my dad's best childhood friends, and he played a very important role in our lives as a kind of honorary uncle. I don't think my parents did anything formal in the way of making him a godparent. They just asked him, and that was enough.
pineapple / 12526 posts
@wonderstruck: It's fine. I assumed you were already typing by the time I wrote that response. I meant it as they are Italian and it's more of a family tradition than a religious one. I understand your point of view though.
@mrsjazz: This is my view of it as well. My BFF will undoubtably already be seen as an Aunt. I want her to be there as someone C can go to when she doesn't want to come to me. I really like your term 'guide parent".
honeydew / 7230 posts
We are atheists and plan on having "fairy godmothers" (honorary aunties) for our children, but I don't think we'll do anything ceremonial or official. If you're looking for something to do that is not in a church, you could just plan a dinner party and give the godparents a gift or something. Snap some photos of C with them?
nectarine / 2750 posts
@zippylef: I like the idea of a nice card, too. DH asked in a text message-not my preferred method
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