Hellobee Boards

@SugarplumsMom: She should really hear it from your DD so she can get some perspective!

@SugarplumsMom: Your kiddo is right, but I know it makes you sad to hear her say that

This is totally a sore spot for me. My DH's father lives across the country and hasn't visited since right after DS was born. DS is almost 4 and he's obsessed with Grandma (my mom) who he sees multiple times per week and soon we will be living together. We tried to make sure DS talks to his Grandpa on the phone and sometimes he asks when is Grandpa coming over. It breaks my heart.

DH also has a sister and 2 nieces who have never met DS. The sister came by herself when he was a baby but nothing since. We can't afford all the expenses to fly out there and DH's disability makes it extremely stressful for me to travel. Her family goes on lots of little trips to see their West coast family but nobody ever comes to see us

Ugh. I'm sorry your mom is making your DD sad. That's the only part that would bother me. My only advice is that I've had to learn to let other people's decisions roll off my back even if I don't like or agree with them. Otherwise, I was spending too much time being disappointed over things I couldn't control.

That really sucks.

Different situation, but I can kind of commiserate. I'm trying really hard not to compare my mil with my parents, who are extremely involved and doting grandparents, and it's so hard not to just be constantly frustrated with her. For us, there's a weird mix of being uninterested and then guilt-tripping dh for not "letting" her have a comparable amount of time, but she makes barely any effort. like, she didn't even acknowledge lo2's bday, except on facebook, and then got annoyed with dh for not telling her that we'd changed our plans about having a joint party for our kids (she claimed she was "waiting" to get lo2 a gift when we had the party 6 weeks later, except we decided to make the party only for lo1 because of space constraints...) or when she is here, she'll barely engage with them--like she'll be playing games on her phone or napping the majority of the visit. And then constantly ask "when are you coming to visit next" She says she wants to help out when we need extra care (like when one of us is traveling or the kids' daycare is closed) but is totally useless and makes things more complicated. Plus if she helps we get the guilt-tripping about it and being in "debt" to her isn't worth it...I'm finding that the best way to handle her is to just lower my expectations

@SugarplumsMom: that sucks especially since your LO really wants to see her grandma and that is really sweet!

My mom is like that too. Just recently, she backed out of attending LO’s bday party. Her reason she thought the party was on his birthday (Easter Sunday). How could she though? I sent out STDs in September and their was discussion about why the party was the following weekend, I sent out additional reminders and then finally the invitation. Just READ. She’s working on-site about 5.5 hrs away and coming home for a month (45 minutes from where we live now actually). Anyway, she could have changed something on her end to be here that weekend- like push back the start of her travel home, but isn’t. Her consolation prize suggestion was “well, I was thinking your brother and I could do something ...” Umm, no. Let me stop you there. I’m not changing my plans (so many reasons) to accommodate two adults that have no decent excuse to miss his party besides poor planning. That’s the event they were invited to. I wouldn’t be so upset had she not RSVP’d yes just to tell me a week or two later she isn’t coming. Again, READ the date.