This is probably a little deep for HB, and I apologize for its length, but I'm not sure where else to turn. If you have a moment and could offer your advice, it would mean so much.

My cousin Veronika was essentially my sister. I was 13 years older than her and an only child...the only child, in fact, on that whole side of our family, until V was born. When she arrived, V became by "baby." Although her parents moved frequently, she came to Seattle every chance she got -- on most Christmases, she flew down midday so she could spend dinner and the following week with us. We weren't close on a "talk-every-day" level, but we fell firmly into the in-between of a sister/aunt/cousin relationship. She was the only bridesmaid in my wedding and was there for my twins' birth.

Three weeks ago tonight, V was murdered in the UCSB rampage. She was 19, a perfect 4.0 student double-majoring in math and statistics. She was in the wrong place at the wrong time, walking home with two of her sorority sisters after spending the evening at a craft store, preparing for an upcoming charity event. I got the call the next morning, and by that afternoon, DH, the babies, and I were with our family in Westlake Village, figuring out what the hell to do next. We just returned home on Monday.

Obviously, the grief is unbearable, but Hive, I'm really struggling with how to grieve as a MOM. I could really use your help.

1) I need to figure out how to honor her. She loved the babies...in fact, (somewhat frustratingly), the media used many pictures of her with Norah and Cole. Knowing that they are too young to remember her just devastates me.
Our family is obviously joining the crusade of #notonemore to establish stricter regulation on guns and mental illness. We're contributing to the scholarship that UCSB has created in her name. But really, that means nothing to my kids. What have you done to keep the memory of your loved ones alive with your kids? How will I ever explain how and why she died?

2) I'm dealing with some pretty crazy anxiety about the twins' safety. Yup, I'm getting grief counseling and am on medication...but has anyone else had this? I would love to hear your stories.

3) What do I do about our family members, (most of them on DH's side) who are EXTREMELY strong-minded gun owners? They seem to have become even more extremist in the wake of all this, and I don't know how to even be around them. DH would rather we just avoid them...but is that really the best plan? I've always been VERY in favor of 2nd amendment rights, but we MUST do something to ensure that the diagnosed and medicated mentally ill people in this world have (at the very least) a hard time acquiring guns. How can I be tactful?

Thanks, guys