guests after baby? « Hellobee Boards

guests after baby?

By matador84 Jun 5, 2012

How did you handle guests after you had your LO? His family lives here where the baby will be born but can be extremely overbearing...I told him not to call anyone until after baby is born! Is that wrong of me?

My family lives about 350 miles away. My dad and stepmom will be driving in sometime after the baby is born and staying in a hotel. My mom will come in sometime after as well and wants to stay with DH and I. I told her no because we have no room and I think the adjustment will be too much. I can tell I hurt her feelings...am I being selfish?

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21 comments

MamaMoose
GOLD / squash / 13464 posts

Jun 5, 2012

We are taking a few days to ourselves. Then my parents will fly in for a week and stay with us. Then my in laws will fly in. Whether or not they stay with us will depend on how I am adjusting and how the baby is adjusting. I have no guilt about having double standards between the grandparents. I just pushed out a baby an I don't feel bad about making sure I am as comfortable with my surroundings as possible.
calsmom
persimmon / 1087 posts

Jun 5, 2012

For us, we found it overwhelming having guests so soon after his birth. My mom came last week and left today. He's now 5 weeks, and it finally seemed like an ideal time for visitors. Not so overwhelming.
chopsuey
hostess / wonderful honeydew / 32460 posts

Jun 5, 2012

My mom flew in to help 2 days before LO was born. I REALLY loved having her stay with us! She cooked, cleaned, helped out.. I wish I lived closer to home!
BSB
hostess / wonderful apple seed / 16729 posts

Jun 5, 2012

My mom and MIL can both be overbearing. Since they live 6 hr airplane away, I would think that they won't be able to visit when the baby is born. I think I will each give them a week or so about a month after the due date for them to visit. We don't have that much space so they would have to stay in the living room.
Mrs. Yoyo
blogger / pomelo / 5400 posts

Jun 5, 2012

It isn't selfish to want some time alone to adjust before everyone floods in. Ask for what you need, and don't feel bad about it. They should respect your wishes -- it's a crazy, draining time.
purrpletulips
pomegranate / 3414 posts

Jun 6, 2012

Nope - they need to respect your wishes and your space. When I had DD, my parents came a week after she was born to stay with me over a weekend when DH had an out of town obligation he couldn't get out of (it was nice to have them help cook/clean/give support). We had no other visitors who stayed with us until DD was 3w when his mom came and stayed; while she was supposed to be there to help she pretty much stayed in her room the whole time so I barely knew she was there.

This time, my parents will be staying with DD while I'm in the hospital and will probably stay a day or two longer (depending upon when I deliver/get released). DH's mom wants to come again but I may insist she stay in a hotel.
mediagirl
hostess / wonderful persimmon / 25556 posts

Jun 6, 2012

I say tell them what you want and ask them to please respect that. Of course, everyone wants to meet a precious little baby but meeting her/him two weeks after he/she is born vs. immediately isn't that bad of a deal. Good call on having them stay at a hotel if you don't have room for them.

In our case- my folks live 2.5 hrs away and will be here for the birth and to help with the first day or two. Then, they are going to head home to let us bond. My husband will be going back to work after two weeks and Mom will come back then to help me out. His parents are planning on coming sometime around 2.5 or 3 months and yeah, unfortunately they stay with us because we do have the space. At least by then, we'll have a routine and my husband can take more time off so he's home with them and the baby and me. I can't handle them on my own.
heffalump
GOLD / wonderful grape / 20289 posts

Jun 6, 2012

You should do whatever makes you feel the most comfortable. It's a stressful time so do whatever is good for you to make it easier.

Both of our families live here. We told them beforehand that I wanted to do skin on skin for about an hour after she was born (as long as she was healthy and didn't have to be taken away) and I wanted it to be just our little family, so they'd have to wait to see her. They were fine with that, but still wanted to wait at the hospital. They all came to visit in the beginning of labor, which was actually good because that gave DH a break to go get some food. Then they just waited downstairs for hours. DH texted updates.

After we got home they all came over daily to see LO and to help us around the house.
Mrs. Train
blogger / pomegranate / 3300 posts

Jun 6, 2012

I don't think your selfish. Everyone wants different things. I didnt care at all about having people around. Our in laws came and stayed with us and my parents came over every day. I loved it. People helped around the house while i sat and nursed You hav to do what's right for you. If you want some time just let them know even if it hurts their feelings.
ladyfingers
pomelo / 5331 posts

Jun 6, 2012

DH has already told me he wants to fly his mom in to see the baby after I give birth. I get it, it's fine -- his dad will be staying in town as a snowbird, and my dad lives here. So it's not really fair, and he doesn't get to see her that much. But then he got sort of offended when I told him she'd need to stay in a hotel room. I said 1. We have no room and 2. It's going to be too hectic. Now I'm considering asking him to give me a few weeks before flying her in. She can be very... emotional.
obxwife
apricot / 277 posts

Jun 6, 2012

I had visitors EVERY SINGLE DAY for the first week and a half after my LO was born. It was very overwhelming and looking back, I wish I had told them not to come over. After the first 2 weeks or three weeks, things settled down and I felt better - it would have been way better for guests then!
DillonLion
GOLD / eggplant / 11517 posts

Jun 6, 2012

I attempted to bring this up with DH and he basically told me I was crazy, it wont be that bad, and to expect all of the family to be waiting at the hospital while I am in labor, whether I like it or not. Apparently he will be willing to be the dictator as to whether or not people are in my particular hospital room, but that's the best that can be done.

We'll probably need to have another conversation about this as it gets closer. I still don't feel 100% comfortable with that.

I'd rather no one be around until after the baby is born. Preferably not until we get home from the hospital, and even then, only my mom and my MIL (whom I know would be a great help to us).
mediagirl
hostess / wonderful persimmon / 25556 posts

Jun 6, 2012

@highwire: do you live close to a lot of his family? Here's the deal, you're going to be exhausted. You will probably want at least an hour with the baby in your delivery room and then it would probably be nice to get cleaned up before family comes in to see the baby after you are moved to your post-op room. I would tell your husband that you're willing to compromise. He keeps his family away until you are decent. You get time to bond with the baby and then take a shower so you feel somewhat human again. Once you are clean and the baby is wrapped up like a burrito, then invite family in for a bit. Once they have been there for an hour or so, plead exhaustion and ask them all to leave. Or tell them you have to try to feed again - ask a nurse to say this.

Hopefully that helps?
DillonLion
GOLD / eggplant / 11517 posts

Jun 6, 2012

@mediagirl: Thanks! That's actually almost exactly our plan. I just hate the idea of people having to wait around in the hospital or feel bored/anxious/worried about us, or like we need to keep a whole group constantly updated. And if they are there at all, I know I'm going to be distracted wondering how they are doing. And I don't want that.
Modern Daisy
grapefruit / 4187 posts

Jun 6, 2012

If your Mom is anything like mine, I would not feel bad at all about telling her to stay away until things settle down. My Mom needs constant hand holding and attention when she visits, it's absolutely exhausting. And she doesn't stop talking and giving unsolicited advice and critisizing my home from the moment she wakes up in the morning until she falls asleep at night.

I love her, but I know I won't have any issues with telling her to stay put util the baby is a month old!
mediagirl
hostess / wonderful persimmon / 25556 posts

Jun 6, 2012

@highwire: I understand. My parents are planning on being in the waiting room and I told them, we probably won't be able to update you if I'm in pain or whatever so, you may be out there fro a while. They understood. Try not to worry about anyone but yourself. The last thing you need is MORE stress while in labor!!!
matador84
papaya / 10560 posts

Jun 6, 2012

@highwire I can totally relate. I would rather not have anyone around, and then if things are great then the more the merrier. A good friend of mine said at the birth of her first LO she had a fantastic nurse who took great care of her and made sure she didn't have any visitors. I am hoping if I can communicate this to the staff they will be able to help out...then it won't put you in a weird position with DH family either.
DillonLion
GOLD / eggplant / 11517 posts

Jun 6, 2012

@lydg: Getting the nurse on board is a great idea too, thanks!
LuLu Mom
GOLD / wonderful olive / 19030 posts

Jun 6, 2012

I know both sets of familiy will be at hte hospital when she is born (either day of or next day if it is late.) I"m okay with this, and will be open to visitors. Our parents both live within 20 minues, so they can go home. My mom has offered to stay with me if I need it the first couple days, and I said I would play it buy ear, she is planning on taking a few days off to help me out no matter what during the day, which I'm loving.
brownie
grapefruit / 4110 posts

Jun 6, 2012

Stand your ground and do what you want. I had a strict no visitors policy for the first month. That worked out great for us because our little guy had some medical problems.
pastemoo
cantaloupe / 6146 posts

Jun 6, 2012

We had visitors from before he was born to a full 2 weeks (14.5 days) after his birth. It was exhausting.
I have no advice though, I don't know if it helped us or not.

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