Just looking for some reassurance! We are attending my best friends wedding this weekend and she has invited our 19 month old daughter. It really meant a lot to me for her to include her but I’m starting to panic...
My sweet girl is in the throws of typical toddler tantrums. They are very short lived and usually easily directed but this week I feel like they have been VERY frequent. It’s usually some loud screeching, sometimes she will stomp her feet or try to “smack” at me or a toy. Please believe me when I say we are staying on top of this as best as we can and offer positive reinforcement and alternative options ( saying things that validate her feelings but letting her know that we don’t hit with our hands, we hug with them...etc, etc, ect)
I’m in the wedding and my husband will do whatever he can during the short ceremony but what about afterwards?? She does get a bit over stimulated in big crowds or if people over step her personal space too much and we will definitely keep her feelings in mind but I get easily “embarrassed” if she’s not on her best behavior. I know it’s not practical for her to be perfect but I feel judged—whether I am or not.
I know how to handle the tantrums for the most part so I guess I’m just looking for some “hand holding” for myself to stay calm and realistic with my expectations. Thanks ladies!!
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My daughter was much older when we brought her to a wedding - she was about 3.5 and was a flower girl. She had her moments but overall she did amazing. And she is a really really challenging kid. Things got tough during the cocktail hour- and i don’t blame her, room full of strangers eating and drinking things you don’t like, you’re so short you come up to everyone’s thighs, totally boring. And dinner was tough because it was drawn out (in her mind) but we brought activities for her to do at the table. If I had to do it again, I would have brought her somewhere to run around for a good part of the cocktail hour. Then she would have gotten some extra energy out and I would have been less stressed that she wasn’t behaving.
But omg once the dancing started, I was almost crying happy tears at how adorable she was and how much fun she was having. It’s one of my favorite memories.
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I would say tell your husband up front that leaving the ceremony is totally fine if she starts getting riled up. I was at a wedding with my son last summer when he was 2ish and I ended up just walking out with him and staying away / out of earshot until the very end. I had tried once to go back in but he immediately started being crazy again so I figured I'd just cut my losses and leave the ceremony!
For the reception, definitely bring your own food for her because wedding food is SO SLOW. I'd pack a lunch/dinner and lots of exciting snacks, there is just a lot of waiting around at the beginning of the reception!
Agree with @Foodnerd81: though that once the dancing finally started we had a blast!
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We’ve been to a few weddings with our girls and never had any issues. I think part of it is we had luck behavior-wise, but the other part is that people really don’t care. I know you said you are easily embarrassed and I used to be to an extent buuut you get over it eventually and if anything is going to help you really realize no one cares it’s a bad behavior incident at a wedding.
During the ceremony make sure your husband is sitting somewhere he can easily get up and bring her out if needed, and don’t expect you will be able to stay for the entire reception. (Unless there is a sitter.) The hardest part for me was the pictures, but because she’s not in the wedding and your husband can entertain her away from where you are busy being in pics you’ll be fine. I’m sure your friend wouldn’t have invited your daughter unless she felt the other guests wouldn’t be too “stuffy” and judgy about toddler behavior.
When DD1 was 21 and 22 months old she was in my SIL and my sister’s weddings. She was pretty good at SIL’s, and my MIL kept her entertained during the ceremony because my husband and I were in the wedding. She definitely disrupted it at least once but it was “cute.” She fell asleep toward the latter part of the reception after we walked her in the stroller for a bit, but before that she had fun dancing and running around.
At my sister’s wedding she got distracted while going down the aisle and tried to run into the lake the wedding was on. Glad someone got that on camera. My husband left the ceremony with her and they just wandered around close by so he didn’t miss anything. She also succeeded in jumping into the pool (it was a yacht club) with her flower girl dress on during the reception. I wasn’t embarrassed, no one was mad (it was also 92 degrees outside so everyone was like “can I join her?).
DD1 was almost 4 and DD2 was 17 months when we went to a backyard wedding this summer. They had a blast with their other little cousin and just ran around for a while (there were a lot of things to do and see), but also spent a lot of time on the dance floor. The more kids there, the easier it is to deal with them because they’ll just entertain each other.
I also agree with bring your own food. And if possible gently suggest to the photographer that if your daughter needs to be in pictures could those pictures be some of the first ones taken (at my SIL wedding they did the family photos last instead of first and DD wasn’t having it; the photographer at my sisters wedding was super top notch and knew just when to do the photos with the kids and could sense their attention span).
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Oh a few thoughts on snacks- my DD was wearing a white flower girl dress, so I made a point to bring non colored/ staining/ messy things- like the honey flavored annie's bunnies, vs that chocolate ones! I failed to realize HOW LOUD they would be trying to open the package during the ceremony! She was in the wedding so I couldn't really leave (and she walked out of the ceremony with my single MIL so it was super sweet and I wanted her to make it to the end).
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Can someone take her home for you after the ceremony so you guys can enjoy yourselves? My daughter is the same age (and admitidly she is a bit... wild) and I would have 0 fun if I had to bring her to a wedding.
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When my daughters (at 2 and 4) were flower girls in my BIL & SIL's wedding, they had a room with a babysitter set up for us at the reception site. It worked out really well - the girls were free to be with us for as long as it was suitable, but could use the room as a space to decompress as needed, either with us or under the care of the sitter, especially as the night got later...she had coloring and a DVD player and they just crashed on a sofa in there until we were ready to go home.
I wonder if there might be a room at this venue where you could either hire the sitter yourselves, or keep a few things for your DD and plan to go there with her yourselves if she needed to escape the reception for a little bit...might be worth checking
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@Stardust17: you got this! You and your husband know your kid best and I would just plan to bring your A game in terms of fun/distracting/redirecting activities. At this point I have my bag of tricks which includes
-lots of snacks
-a couple favorite toys
-a couple new things from target dollar bin
-low expectations!If you expect her to be an angel you will probably all be miserable. If you expect to do your best to head off and redirect her behavior but accept that there will be moments of difficulty, then you should be fine. I also try to put myself in the shoes of the people I imagine are judging me and reverse roles—if I saw you with your DD throwing a fit I would totally think it was cute/expected and that we as moms have all been there.
And finally, if it makes you feel better, we were at a family wedding recently where my 2 yo DS decided it would be great to start randomly saying “poop” in the middle of the ceremony. Over and over and over! He did not want to leave with dh, he wanted to sit with me and eat snacks (we were just guests). When we saw the bride later she said she thought it was funny. So set the bar there and you should be good!
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@Stardust17: We took O to a wedding when she was about 22 months. I wasn't in the wedding or anything, but like you said the ceremony is usually pretty short so not the most challenging part. To keep her quiet, we just gave her a tablet during the ceremony and she sat happily at our feet playing with it.
For the reception, I'll echo what others have said. Bring plenty of food she likes. O was pretty picky at that point and wasn't at all interested in the wedding food, plus it took forever. She basically ate goldfish and string cheese for dinner that night. Oh well.
O does well in big crowds, so her getting freaked out wasn't a big issue, but I had to try to keep her quiet and cooperative during the speeches. Again, tablet. I let her bring her own backpack full of her favorite special toys, a travel size etch-a-sketch was even more popular than the tablet.
Once the music started, no one noticed if she had a tantrum because it was plenty loud! It all ended up going better than expected. She had a great time being the center of attention. There were plenty of extra hands to distract her if needed. We did leave the "room" (tent) a number of times to take a break, chill, breathe, but all in all it was easier than I thought it would be. We didn't even have the option of leaving early because the wedding was on an island with a chartered ferry for transport back to the mainland. Ugh. I brought her pacifier, blankie and jammies and the ferry ride back was snuggle time. She fell asleep in the car on the way back to our airbnb. -
I don’t have any advice but I’ll be in your position this summer for my SIL’s wedding. We are all in the bridal party: I’m a bridesmaid, my husband a groomsmen, my boys (will be 2 and 5) are Ring bearers.
I’m counting on lots of snacks. Expectations will be looow. They will be way off their schedule. My parents are invited to the wedding and will help us out. We’re not planning on staying the entire reception nor will we attend the after party. My boys will be up at 5:30 AM and I don’t need to be hung over🤣.
The wedding weekend is an a super exclusive/boutique resort and we can’t afford to have a second room for the boys, but we’ll deal.
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@Becky: omg your daughter jumping in the pool🤣
@Foodnerd81: I’m looking forward to the dancing much. My boys are dance machines and will tear it up on the floor. I can’t wait!
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My husband is in a wedding in a couple of months and children including our almost two-year old are invited. Sure, we could bring him and I can proactively minimize his disruptions and toddler urges to roam free, say things out loud or even through a fit, but I don't want to. LO would probably enjoy the reception too- he loves to eat and dance; however, he has a new request every 10 seconds and only sits still when sitting on me and when not sitting on me he's trying to get to my lap. It's exhausting. My dad is going to babysit our son.
It's more costly for us to bring him -fourth plane ticket (we aren't doing lap baby) and second hotel room at the Venetian, but both my husband and I wanted to fully participate in the wedding activities.
Absolutely no judgment if your LO is being yourself. I think all parents know what this age is like.
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We've taken our kids to a few weddings, though probably slightly older or much younger. At this age I don't expect them to sit through the ceremony, so it might mean staying outside (if there is an outside lobby area) with her. Then nap happens in stroller/carrier, then it was fun!
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I was in a similar situation, although DH was the one in the wedding. I had to remove my son, and I missed most of the ceremony. It was pretty disappointing, because I am close tot he couple too, but it is what it is. My son was slightly older, 23 months. He did okay for most of the reception, as long as DH or I were holding him (other family members were not acceptable). He was so overwhelmed by the crowd it made him shy, so tantrums were not much of a problem, as long as DH or I held him. He was supposed to be in the wedding, and did fine for the pictures, but was not actually in the wedding. It was exhausting. If things went worse, I would have left early with DS2 (and possibly DS1), but we made to until dessert.
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As long as she doesn't ruin the ceremony with a tantrum you're fine! Kids are kids and no one expects perfect behavior. Just have your husband sit in the very back on the aisle so he can make a quick retreat if things go south. And bring lots of activities and snacks!
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@Stardust17: i would just seat yourselves strategically so you can walk out quickly if you need to.
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Update: She did great!!! Thanks for all the support!
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