We are considering having my dad move in with us. I know there are obvious pros/cons but we are trying to really think this through and be upfront about things.
Looking for experiences and feedback from people who have been there. 
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My in-laws lived with us for 4 years... and I think a lot of it is largely dependent on personalities. My in-laws were really considerate, kept to themselves, and my MIL especially contributed in any way she could. We would alternate cooking dinner during the week, she kept our house clean, when the kids would go down at night, DH and I were free to go out, even for a Target run or something. We had more regular date nights, etc. They were overly considerate to the point that even when we had guests over, they would leave the house!!
The negatives were... I have a huge need for alone time and personal space. I didn't feel comfortable walking around in my underwear or braless. I didn't feel comfortable just unwinding in the living room (MIL was always in the kitchen doing stuff), so would retreat back to my bedroom for downtime. To be surrounded by people all the time is grating for me (they didn't really go anywhere or have a lot of hobbies so stayed home a lot).
But for the most part, I felt like they were really respectful and never gave unsolicited advice, or told us how to parent. They were really good about doing things the way we would do things.
What is your dad like and how is your relationship with him? How is DH's relationship with him? Would this be a long-term thing?
There was also a post today about living with family, including a pro/con list - http://www.hellobee.com/2016/04/20/blending-families-with-young-ones/
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@Mrs. High Heels: How funny, I haven't even checked the blog yet!
That is great insight. I don't roam around in undies but DH does. Ha ha. My Dad would be really considerate and great help with the kids--he watches them like a hawk so I would never need to worry about them being unattended.
We have had NO help in the almost 4 years since having our oldest. Dates are rare and getting out without kids in general is just almost non-existent. They are at a great age where they can go do stuff with their grandpa and I wouldn't feel bad about it. Cons, the layout of our new house has all the bedrooms in one area of the house so true privacy would be limited.
We'd be doing it on a 6 month trial run to begin with! It may work and it may not!
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@matador84: Haha, maybe between men it wouldn't be a big deal!
Your dad sounds wonderful - it's so nice to have an extra pair of hands and eyes for the kids, and what a great opportunity for them to bond with their grandpa! A 6 month trial run is a good idea. I hope it works out for you guys!
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I've only done it for a few months, for about 4 months my MIL lived with us. My MIL is awesome, I love her, she is independent and easy-going....and it was hard. It's not something I would want to do long term, but I need a lot of space and having someone in my home, even someone who isn't demanding, is too close for me long term.
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@matador84: my mom lived with us for over a year while her house was being built.
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My mom has lived with us for 4-6 weeks at a time and it was HARD. She was here postpartum and was SUCH an immense help. She cooked, cleaned, did laundry, etc etc. but she is VERY hands on, has no filter and gives her opinion about everything. So there's the good and the bad.
My BIL loved eith is for 9 months, almost a year? I forget. It was horrible. Absolutely horrible. It almost ruined the relationship we had with him. It's so much better now that he's not living with us.
We have a fairly large house with two living spaces. And still it was a lot having someone live with us.
If we were ever to have someone live with us permanently we would close the short stair that goes down to the family room. That will prove that person(s) with a personal bathroom and entrance. I think that is key for personal space.
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We lived with my mom briefly, which is not the same but similar. It got old QUICK. She's very needy, and I was not emotionally in a place to accommodate that after 2 miscarriages. DH and I would literally go out driving on weekends to get away from her because she wanted to do EVERYTHING together. I told DH I felt guilty at one point, then realized how ridiculous it was to feel guilty that I was leaving my mom out of our marriage! If we did it again we would set some clear boundaries ahead of time.
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My MIL lives with us permanently. She moved in just over a year ago and it has been really positive for us. She has been a real help with DS who is now 8 months old, because she will hang out with him if I need to do a chore or have a shower. We have an agreement on who cooks what nights, when we share meals, and she does contribute to utilities. She has her own bathroom, and we have multiple common rooms so we can do stuff without getting in each others way. If we had a small house with only one common area it might become more difficult. At the end of the day though she is a very obliging, considerate person and follows my husband's advice and requests very closely so I think that is the main thing that contributes to our good experience. I am also pretty easygoing, so there is basically never any conflict.
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Our parents live with us part time. My mother stays over every Tuesday night and my mil stays every Thursday night. It is hard sometimes, but their help is priceless. Plus our son is very close with his grandparents.
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My mom has lived with us since last July, and it's been a very positive experience so far. She watches DD during the day while I'm at work, helps corral the kids for dinner, helps with pick-up and drop-off, and gets up with DS on the weekends so I can sleep in a bit (she's a very early bird).
Her room is a third floor loft, so she has a little bit of space. She lived alone for 20 years, so she tends to keep to herself...she likes to curl in bed and read. She contributes a little to rent and groceries, but she's saving me a ton in not having to put DD in daycare yet.
Because she's so hands on with the kids we've had talks about how D and I want things like behavior and eating managed, so we're all on the same page, and if she has an idea about how to handle it I consider it the same way I would if D had suggested it.
I wish she would help with the cooking, but she's usually taking care of DD so I have my hands free, so it evens out, lol. She's been completely invaluable to us, and I'm so grateful she's here.
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It really depends on your relationship.
DH lived with his parents up till we got married, but he's very private/independent so he pretty much had his own apartment within the house. If we ever live with his parents it would have to be like a mother/daughter or separate area.
With my parents, I am close with them and I'd have no problem living with them long term. But I do think either way, as much seperate living areas would be better.
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My FIL moved in with us after we moved to a new city. He lives in our basement which has a MIL suite. He has his own entrance which means we wouldn't see him other than he eats dinner with us every night. We will occasionally go out to a movie when the kids are asleep or he will stay with them if I need to run out for a few minutes, but we don't ask him to babysit. The dynamic has changed in the last couple of months since he has stopped driving. I will take him places and drop him off, it is a little hard on me to work my schedule around his, but I'm willing to do it if he feels like it was time for him to stop driving.
Your dad sounds wonderful - it's so nice to have an extra pair of hands and eyes for the kids, and what a great opportunity for them to bond with their grandpa! A 6 month trial run is a good idea. I hope it works out for you guys!
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