Bee and I have agreed that in the event that one of us dies first, it should be me. However while I gave her my word that I would die first, I am not entirely sure how I can follow through on that particular promise!
Have you and your SO agreed (or at least talked about) who will die first?
cantaloupe / 6730 posts
Haha! DH and I were talking about this last night. He made the decision that we are going to die at the same time in our old age. His mom died several years ago and it's been very hard on his dad. And then we started getting really sad and had to stop talking about it.
cherry / 188 posts
We'd love to die at the same time, but if we can't my hubs said he would want to go first so that I wouldn't have to be alone. Just talking about it makes me cry everytime.
honeydew / 7589 posts
We haven't talked about it, but I'll probably live longer based on health. However, we plan to spend our retirement traveling as serving as aid workers in troubled middle eastern countries, so there is a good potential we could die together in a plane crash, car accident, roadside bomb, etc...
persimmon / 1472 posts
DH and I talked about this many times! I told him I would want to die first because I'd be too sad if he died. But he said he should die first because I would want to be around all the kids/grand kids/great grand kids (his words exactly) and that Thy would keep me plenty happy. It always makes me sad to think one day we'd have to separate. Since we had DD, I feel like my love for him grows more and more.
honeydew / 7968 posts
he always says he wants to die before he gets too old. i hope we die in our sleep together when we're old, holding hands!
pomelo / 5321 posts
I always tell DH that we're going to die of old age together, like Allie & Noah on The Notebook (movie version, of course).
blogger / wonderful cherry / 21628 posts
My husband tells me that he is going to die first and it makes me so mad! He's reasoning is he is 7 years older than me and a male. So he feels like time is on my side, not his. I tell him we're going to die together after we've both reached 100 while we're sleeping.
cantaloupe / 6146 posts
DH made me promise to let him die first. I said yes even though there is no way for me to make good on that promise.
bananas / 9628 posts
I'd rather go first, but he's pretty sure he will & I think, unfortunately, he's probably right. We're the same age, he lives a healthier lifestyle, works out obsessively, I haven't worked out in like a year, but his BP tends to run high vs mine which run low, his cholesterol is high vs mine which is low and he's a black male and I'm a white female (average life expectancy in the US for black males is 10 years less than white females), he has diabetes & cancer in his family, neither of which are in mine. Sometimes I think about how fortunate I am in my genes, I can't take credit for the health I do have, it wasn't earned! he takes good care of himself & I hope to have him around for a long long time!
GOLD / wonderful grape / 20289 posts
I would like to it be me, or in the perfect world at the exact same time (but not in a car accident, in our sleep peacefully). But both of my grandma's outlived my grandpa's by many years, and his grandma lasted a lot longer than one of his grandpa's. Colon cancer runs in his family and DH has crohn's..... so it's not looking good for my wish.
persimmon / 1453 posts
DH is eight years older and a male, so we just assume he'll be the first to kick the bucket!
pomegranate / 3383 posts
This is a depressing thread! I made DH promise to let me die first...I don't ever want to live without him!
GOLD / wonderful coffee bean / 18478 posts
Why would Bee allow you to die first? I would want to die first but DH called "dibs" on it already! 
I'm in better health so I guess the odds are in my favor to live longer.
hostess / watermelon / 14932 posts
we haven't discussed it, but I'd rather go first! I don't think I would handle a loss very well. I actually haven't lost any family yet (grandparents, parents, etc). My great-uncle recently passed and that was the closest person I've lost.
just thinking about it gives me anxiety. I've had some serious separation anxiety when it comes to my husband during the last trimester for some reason!
GOLD / squash / 13464 posts
Oh he has been strictly instructed to let me die first. If he dies first he's going to get a serious talking to when I get to heaven to join him!!
clementine / 961 posts
DH is 16 years older so we just assume it will be him. I don't like talking about it though because I get really emotional. I knew that marrying someone much older means I will end up spending my elderly years alone but I hate thinking about it.
pear / 1743 posts
I'm so glad that other people have these conversations. I would probably be better able to cope with him dying (I've lost several important family members in my life) but I am fairly sure that I'll go first. My mum passed away at 49, and three of my grandparents passed away in their 60s and 70s. His grandad passed at 57, but his grandma passed in her early 90s, his parents are almost 60 and going strong and his other grandparents still live unsupported at 87 and 91! Ergo, law of averages says I'll cark it mid 70s and he'll be around for at least another decade.
He doesn't like me saying that though 
hostess / eggplant / 11068 posts
Interesting! Hubs and I recently had a conversation about this. I believe I will die first because I'm not sure I can survive without him.
blogger / wonderful cherry / 21616 posts
I'm so selfish, I want to die first. But I have a feeling that won't be the case. Notoriously women live longer - plus I'm healthier than he is. I exercise more and eat better. Every woman in my family has outlived their spouse.
blogger / pomelo / 5361 posts
A condition upon our marriage was that DH has to die after me. I selfishly don't want to deal with the grief. If he doesn't follow through, I will reverse haunt him...somehow!
GOLD / cantaloupe / 6703 posts
We've decided that we need to die at the same time or else he'll go first. He wouldn't be able to survive without me. He's 16 months younger than me but in way better health, so we'll see what happens.
clementine / 990 posts
Well, if we can't die together, I want to go first. I would probably die of loneliness. Haha. So, if I go first, I've told him he can totally re-marry, as long as whoever it is has good judgement when it comes to my LO.
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