I tried out a new mother infant group the other day and one of the other mothers asked me if DD was my baby. I have also been asked many times when taking her for a walk if I am in the market for new nannying positions, am I the nanny etc.
I am black and DD is part Asian, part Caucasian, part black. I am kind of shocked though that people instantly assume I am the nanny. It makes me pretty angry to be honest. Have you ever been mistaken for the nanny?
pear / 1639 posts
I haven't, but I am so sorry! I can see were you would be upset!
My gf is really young looking. She has 3 kids. The other day a guy came to her house to look at something her DH was selling and he said to her "oh, I'm Joe, I must have talked to your dad about this"! She called me so upset!
pomelo / 5321 posts
Not the nanny, but I've been asked "Who's baby" a lot! I'm young but apparently people think I'm even younger. Ugh! People can be so rude though! Sorry you've encountered that!
grapefruit / 4671 posts
@artbee: it is odd because my LO looks just like me too, her skin is just lighter and the Asian comes through quite a lot.
grapefruit / 4671 posts
@Sweet T: tanks, I'm trying really hard not to take it personally.
@Rosie Girl: That would be annoying, although I uses it's better to be mistaken for too young than too old right?
GOLD / wonderful coffee bean / 18478 posts
Yes, once, by a nanny in my neighborhood. I don't think she could even see my baby. She just assumed that I was a nanny because I am not white. Everyone's white in my neighborhood besides nannies, gardeners, etc.
grapefruit / 4671 posts
@Andrea: hmm, good point. All the nannies in my neighborhood are black so maybe that is why.
GOLD / wonderful coffee bean / 18478 posts
@plantains: yeah crazy. I'll never forget how wide her eyes got when I pointed to MY house right there. Saucers!
admin / wonderful grape / 20724 posts
@plantains: I would be so upset!
I read a post once from an African American woman who shared a somewhat similar experience: she was breastfeeding her baby (who happened to be lighter skinned because of the father), and a woman thought she was the nanny... and asked her if she was willing and available to breastfeed other babies!
Wow, people are ignorant. I'm so sorry you have to field questions like this! It makes me sad to see in your profile that you're from NYC... I was going to say that maybe it'd be better in a more diverse area! 
clementine / 990 posts
It hasn't happened to me, but it happened to my SiL's mother, who is from Singapore and married a VERY white guy, so my SiL only very vaguely looks Asian. She has a wacko sense of humour and used to tell people yes, especially when my SiL was acting up 
grapefruit / 4671 posts
@mrbee: i used to live in Fort Greene, BK and I bet this wouldn't have happened there but I recently moved to Long Island City and it is oddly less diverse. Strange really, I didn't anticipate that at all.
hostess / wonderful watermelon / 39513 posts
Sooo sorry!
This happened once during my maternity leave. I was shopping at a Japanese market when an older woman asked me if I was babysitting. (I am Chinese and DH is Japanese) I told her LO was mine and she seemed a little shocked and said but the baby looks all Japanese and you have tan skin like a Filipina. I was pretty pissed.
blogger / wonderful cherry / 21616 posts
@mrbee: oh my goodness!!!
aww that is sooo sad :(:(
i go out with my nanny LO's alll the time who are part Laos and I have never once had anyone question whether they were mine 
As for my son, no one has ever asked. BUT strangers have asked me how old I am... then after I tell them they say that they wanted to make sure I wasn't a teen mom... ummm?
grapefruit / 4671 posts
@mrbee: I really regret moving here and am determined to rise LO in BK because I don't want her exposed to this.
admin / wonderful grape / 20724 posts
@plantains: You've got my support!!
I love Fort Greene.. we actually moved to BK specifically because of the diversity here.
blogger / wonderful cherry / 21628 posts
I don't have any kids yet (and DH and I are both white so I don't think it would ever happen), but that is so rude! Why do people think they can say the insensitive things that pop in their mind?
coconut / 8475 posts
@plantains: omgosh my first reaction to your post is such sadness. I think it would break my heart if people assumed that stuff. Ugh! It also pisses me off!
I don't have my LO here yet but this happens to me all the time with our home. I'm 24 and own a larger home because we bought when during the buyers market and we bought with the long term in mind. Well, people think its my parents house and when handymen or delivery people come to my door they ask for my parents. I'm like ...they are at home and I am the home owner -can I help you?
Oh and every single nurse at my ob's office was jaw dropped when they found out I was married. They just assumed because of my age that I was accidentally pregnant out of wedlock. I look about 21 people say...but still.
GOLD / wonderful coffee bean / 18478 posts
@plantains: that is terrible about LIC. I've never been there and had no idea it is such a closed minded place. Sorry this is happening.
honeydew / 7968 posts
=( haven't been in that situation but sorry to hear you have to deal with that! especially in new york. but i bet in new york, there are more nannies than in other parts of the country. maybe in your area, there are a lot of nannies? i think there are a lot of women who like to work in ny or probably can't afford to be a stay at home mom since ny is so darn expensive!
pear / 1672 posts
@Plantains - hey there! While this hasn't happened to me yet, I am mentally prepared. I am light brown complexioned Black woman, and DH is white, so our future baby will probably not be very dark. Plus, I occasionally speak with a Caribbean accent, and I am sure I will to LO. I know I will get some nanny comments (For those unsure why I say that, many of the nannies in NYC are from the Caribbean). A friend who is a Black woman and also has a white DH has a "I'm not the nanny" T-shirt, and I may ask where she got it. She lives in Brooklyn like I do, so I don't know if being in Brooklyn will necessarily stop the comments. If anything, you must be an awesome mother, because these women stopped to say something. 
@Andrea - Another nanny thought I was a nanny, too! I said, "No. I live here. I work from home," which is what is happening right now. We live in a fairly nice condo building. She felt so bad, but I didn't mind. We always say hi to each other now.
pomegranate / 3314 posts
Just chiming in to say I'm so sorry this happened to you. I never fail to be surprised by the way people can be such insensitive a-holes. I really hope she felt like a fool for saying something, but then again, if she's fool enough to ask you that, she's probably totally clueless.
coconut / 8483 posts
Oh no. That is frustrating!
My DHs cousin is caucasian and married a chinese man, and they live in China. She non-stop has people asking if the baby is hers, and gets quite upset.
Love the "i'm not the nanny" tshirt! LOL
coconut / 8483 posts
@TurtleDoves: OHHH same thing with us and the house! Drives me nuts! "Is your mom home?" UHMMM she doesn't live here! lol so annoying!
coconut / 8234 posts
@plantains: I'm sorry that happened to you but I'm not surprised at all. I saw this happen once to a woman on the train--she had dark skin and was speaking both French & English to her LO who was very light (it was obvious to me that she was biracial, but I guess not to everyone)--and a woman made some kind of comment like, "What a great nanny, speaking French, too?" The French lady gave her a big side eye and said, "This is my daughter!" UGH.
One of my friends is white and has 3 biracial children (black and white) and when she moved to her new Southern town people kept asking if her kids were adopted.
honeydew / 7687 posts
I'm pregnant now, but I am guessing I will be once he's here because I look young (particularly if I'm running errands in workout clothes/no make up).
I don't think it will bug me that much - but I can (only) imagine that it would be much more troublesome if it was stemming from race reasons. I am sorry that you have experienced it!
It's one of many questions involving kids that I just don't know why you would ask/assume either way, or frankly even comment on it! Something about kids just removes peoples' filter.
grapefruit / 4671 posts
@mrsjazz: I am just amazed that people feel the need to ask, so strange.
@Andrea: I am surprised to be honest that LIC isn't more diverse.
@BKCaribBaby: The I'm not the Nanny t-shirt cracks me up. I find that I am surprised at how much being mistaken for the nanny bothers me. I usually am not that bothered about race issues but it makes me sad that when people see me with my daughter they assume I'm a nanny.
We live in a large condo building too and all the nannies say hi to me all the time.
pomegranate / 3383 posts
That really sucks! Sorry you had to deal with that.
I flew alone with my LO back in June and the TSA agent asked me who the mom was as I was putting my baby in the carrier.
I do joke with my friends and DH about how I bet most people see me and think I'm the nanny because I look young...even though my LO looks a lot like me!
blogger / pineapple / 12381 posts
People don't think I'm the nanny, and most people think M is mine, but a few people have asked if she was adopted internationally or someone else's baby. Those people are rude!
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