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Have you ever thought about donating eggs or being a surrogate?

  1. BandDmommy

    pomelo / 5660 posts

    Personally pregnancy is not my friend. I have to be on progesterone from week 15 forward. As for egg donation, not an issue because I'm too "old" for egg donation.

  2. LAZB

    pomegranate / 3904 posts

    I would do surrogacy for a close friend or family, although I don't think I'd be a candidate because I seem to have my babies at 35-36 weeks. I love pregnancy, and my husband would be ok with it (I actually asked him about this before). I would want to do it after we were done with having our own babies, so I think I would also be too old at that point.

  3. erinpye

    pomegranate / 3706 posts

    I'm not sure. With surrogacy, probably not. I'd have the heart to do it, but I have extremely ill pregnancies and bad PPD afterward, so I don't think I could do it for someone else, when I struggled just to do it for our own family.

    With egg donation, that one is tough. I considered it when my cousin was having a really hard time with IVF, but when I brought it up to my DH, he raised some good points about the emotional difficulty of it: a child that would be biologically mine and another man's, seeing a child that's "mine" raised by someone else. I think for me, it would be too hard to do for someone close and in my life regularly, and I don't see myself going through the whole thing for a stranger.

  4. psw27

    pomelo / 5220 posts

    In the right circumstances, I would probably be open to either. I think both would be incredibly challenging for me emotionally. I can't even imagine the pain of giving birth and going home without a baby... I know that it would be changing someone else's life in an amazing way, so I know that would be comforting but still hard. I'm not a good surrogate option since I had LO at 34 weeks (although I had a great pregnancy!).

    I am less open to egg donation, especially in light of the hormones that it takes to retrieve the eggs and some risks attached to that.

  5. MrsKoala

    cantaloupe / 6869 posts

    I think about surrogacy sometimes because pregnancy was mostly good to me. It really depends on how old I am when I'm done having my bio children and whether it's someone close to me who might need a surrogate or not. I'd consider it for a stranger, too.

    ETA: Didn't respond about egg donation. To be honest, I haven't thought about it but I'm in my 30s so I don't know if my eggs would be ideal to donate.

  6. Caly

    nectarine / 2765 posts

    I couldn't donate my eggs, I would see that child as mine. We have frozen embryos from IVF and I can't see allowing them to be adopted, either. To me, if someone were to use them, that would be our child. As for surrogacy, that's a tough one. Pregnancy was extremely difficult for me and I can't imagine doing it again. However, if it meant the difference between my sister having a child or not, I would do it for her.

  7. Mama Bird

    pomegranate / 3127 posts

    I think I could donate my eggs for a friend or family member who I know would take good care of the child, but not for a stranger. I think it's a great gift, but it would be too hard for me personally. I'd consider the egg my child in a way, and it would always haunt me that I have a child out there and don't know where they are, how they are doing...

    Same thing with sperm donation... DH considered it after thinking how heartbreaking infertility is, but gave up the idea for the same reason.

  8. BSB

    hostess / wonderful apple seed / 16729 posts

    Before TTC, I went through the process of completing the egg donation process. My profile was placed on hold after I started TTC. The thought of having kids out there that are half me doesn't bother me.

    Then I went through infertility... With failed IUIs and now a successful IVF.

    I highly doubt my eggs alone are wanted.

    Now after going through IVF and right now pregnant with twins, we do have to decide what will happen to our unused embryos. We have 5 left and I highly doubt I will have 5 more kids.
    Right now, it says they will be donated to research but I know of some fellow IVFers who have used donated embryos to get pregnant and I kinda feel like I should give back. It was so heart breaking to go through IF. Though, DH would have to agree, too. We have some time to decide and see our kids grow.

    As for surrogacy, even before having IF, I had trouble with being a surrogate. I think I was okay with doing it for a stranger and not so much for family. After being pregnant with HG and now with PPROM, I'm probably not a good candidate.

  9. Mrs. Lemon-Lime

    wonderful pea / 17279 posts

    I wouldn't do either. I wouldn't knowingly want a half-sibling for my children. As for surrogacy I don't want to be pregnant and give birth more than I have to.

  10. lamariniere

    pineapple / 12566 posts

    I would be open to donating my eggs, but only anonymously. I'm probably getting too old for that though.

    I would consider surrogacy, but I would only do it for my brother or my best friend.

  11. Keybee

    kiwi / 735 posts

    I'm not up for either. I don't love being pregnant and wouldn't do it unless I had to. I also would t be comfortable with someone else raising my egg.

  12. Ms.Badger

    clementine / 918 posts

    With my health history with Lucas, I would not donate eggs (and no one should want to take my eggs), prior to Lucas's health problems I would have been open to donation. I would be willing to be a surrogate for my sister and my cousin (and maybe other close family and friends) but I would insist on using their embryos.

  13. MamaBehr

    pomegranate / 3275 posts

    If I wasn't married with children (ie in college), I would donate eggs. But, since I have kids, I couldn't help but think that they would have a half sibling out in the world and I don't like that idea.

    I would be a surrogate in a flash, but only to a stranger. I don't think that I could do it for a family member or close friend because I feel like the proximity would be hard (how could they not be overly involved and lines would be hard to be drawn. I just feel like my diet would be micromanaged, work outs would be critiqued etc). But, that won't happen because I'm pregnant with my fourth and I have c-sections, there's no way they would let me be a surrogate.

  14. meganmp

    persimmon / 1420 posts

    I curious about all of those that say they couldn't donate eggs because of DNA attachment, and if those people would ever consider using donor eggs if they had any IF issues.

    I would totally be a surrogate, because even though I'm terrible at getting pregnant, I rock at staying pregnant. I applied to be an egg donor, but I'm too old. Since I had already done an egg retrieval, I know that it's not really that terrible on me.

  15. cheert16

    nectarine / 2631 posts

    My brother and his husband say they don't want kids- but I feel like they may change their mind. If they ever asked me to do either- I would for them.

  16. LuLu Mom

    GOLD / wonderful olive / 19030 posts

    I would do anonymous egg donation, but I think it would be hard for me to see the baby if it was to someone I know (something I have no plans on doing)

    If I was done having my own children I would be a surrogate for a family member or close friend who could not have a child. I actually offered this to my younger sister after her 3rd miscarriage, she has since had 2 healthy children. My hold back is that I have C-sections so if I have a third of my own, I get into "dangerous" territories.

  17. AprilFool

    nectarine / 2591 posts

    I didn't enjoy pregnancy enough to be a surrogate/gestational carrier but once I am done having kids I will donate some eggs, as long as they will take them.

  18. agold

    grapefruit / 4045 posts

    @meganmp: I am curious about the same thing. That's so nice you applied to be an egg donor. I'm always surprised that someone would be considered too old. If you had your own successful pregnancy with your eggs, I would think your eggs would be ideal for donating. It blows my mind to use the eggs of a donor without a proven pregnancy (as my sister did with me, but I was free so...) And awesome for you that egg retrieval wasn't terrible for you. For me, it felt like death. I wouldn't do it again no matter how much the clinic offered me to do it (even putting aside that the compensation for what I considered "pain and suffering" is considered taxable income, ugh.) And now I'm having to do it for my own IVF. Funny how life works out. Hopefully I was just overly dramatic about it all when I did it 4+ years ago.

  19. Torchwood

    pomelo / 5607 posts

    I would be willing to do either. I love being pregnant, but don't want more kids, so I would actually want to be a surrogate for a close friend/family member if needed. However, given my history (which likely stems from a genetic condition), I would be a terrible choice of donor or surrogate.

  20. lovehoneybee

    GOLD / wonderful pea / 17697 posts

    @LuLu Mom: I feel the same. I might do it anonymously, but I wouldn't want it to be someone I was close with. I think that would just be too hard. I'd consider surrogacy for a few very close friends, but not for just anyone. I don't enjoy pregnancy at all.

  21. winter_wonder

    persimmon / 1479 posts

    We used donor eggs. I am so, thankful and grateful there are women out there willing to donate. I don't think I can even put into words what an amazing gift it is.

  22. travellingbee

    hostess / papaya / 10219 posts

    I would not be a surrogate because I am a very sick pregnant person. I just can't do this again. As far as eggs, I'd have no problem doing it but I'm too old and have poor egg quality.

  23. DesertDreams88

    grapefruit / 4361 posts

    Though no one would want my PCOS-addled eggs, I'd definitely donate them, and "allow" DH to donate sperm. However, I would not be a surrogate. Too emotionally taxing and physically draining.

  24. Rockies11

    persimmon / 1363 posts

    We've discussed this at length because I have a gay BIL who wants kids so will need donated eggs and a surrogate. I would be fine with donating an egg to a close friend or family member only because I would view the child as a sort of half sibling to my kids and would want them to have a chance to know them.

    I have HG pregnancies, so before my first I would have said I was game. After my first I still thought I might be able to do it as a last resort for my sister or BIL only. After my second HG pregnancy and trying to take care of a toddler during it, I am pretty sure no matter how much I wanted to, I couldn't even do it for my BIL or sister.

  25. oliviaoblivia

    pineapple / 12793 posts

    I've had three remarkably easy pregnancies. If my deliveries had been easier I'd definitely have considered surrogacy.
    I'd donate eggs when we're done having kids. I wouldn't want to go through all the retrieval tough stuff until I know for sure my family was complete.

  26. winniebee

    hostess / wonderful grape / 20803 posts

    I have high risk pregnancies so wouldn't be a surrogate. But I think I would donate my eggs to a family member.

  27. youboots

    honeydew / 7622 posts

    No egg donation... Both of our siblings already have their own biological children and those are the only people I could donate to.

    Not likely for surrogacy. I had GD and Pre E and was miserable. I considered offering for my friends who were being treated for IF (after I successfully had my first) but they got divorced shortly before I got pregnant- not sure if I would have offered after my experience but it was something I felt strongly about at the time. Again since our siblings have kids, it's unlikely. I recently have had a falling out with someone who was like a sister to me, you just never know, the situation has been eye opening.

  28. BSB

    hostess / wonderful apple seed / 16729 posts

    Oh, I'll add that I went through a retrieval for IVF and I had little to no pain. I am lucky to have no pain.

    Prior to having IF and when I decided to go through egg donation application, what got me through the anticipation of pain was that there are mothers out there that have gone through cancer treatments and the pain they went through is probably nothing compared to the pain of a retrieval. I would take being sore for a few days for them.

  29. ElbieKay

    pomegranate / 3231 posts

    I would only do one or the other, not both. (I.e., I would not want to carry a baby that was genetically mine, and then give it up.)

    I would only do it once I was done having kids, and for my sister or an extremely short list of very close friends. (My husband is an only child.)

    Since I am 38 and have a 17mo and we are still contemplating a second child for our family, the odds of this happening are extremely low.

  30. jaguar

    pomegranate / 3764 posts

    I would do both, if I could.

    Egg donation is pretty damn special. And if we end up down that road & got a successful pregnancy from it, I don't know how I would ever be able to express the gratitude for such a gift.

    I had a beautiful pregnancy with G, and would be thrilled to give that gift to someone else - but seeing as my body doesn't seem to want to be pregnant again, surrogacy would definitely be off the table for us now. We're exhausted as it is trying for #2.

  31. Tanjowen

    nectarine / 2521 posts

    I would happily donate eggs and wish I had when I was younger. Surrogacy is definitely not for me because I am not a fan of being pregnant, and while I have no attachment to my eggs, I have a hard time wrapping my head around carrying a baby and then it not being mine. I think those that do surrogacy are amazing people for the gift they can give to others!

  32. Mrs. Peanut

    apricot / 347 posts

    I actually worked with a woman who was a surrogate. She was awesome! When I was younger, surrogacy or egg donation were always things that I thought I would want to get into some day. Now being older, I just don't see it. I view the whole thing differently and just don't think I would do it, unfortunately.

  33. wonderstruck

    pomegranate / 3791 posts

    I could not be a surrogate because I am an extremely sick pregnant person. HG level morning sickness that always involved IV fluids (and did I mention I'm a needlephone?) plus gestational diabetes (back to the needle problem)...it's just awful for me.

    With egg donation...I'm not sure I could handle the shots and everything for the procedure. If somehow it could be done without them, I would love to be able to help someone that way. Theoretically, anyways. In reality DH would not be okay with it.

  34. IRunForFun

    pomelo / 5509 posts

    I don't think I'd qualify to donate eggs, due to a blood clotting disorder that precludes me from doing any hormone treatments or therapies. Even if I could, I wouldn't. Like others, I wouldn't be able to separate myself from the idea that a child who was biologically mine was out there somewhere. It takes very special people to be egg or embryo donors, and I'm glad these people exist, but I'm OK not being one of them. I know I couldn't do it and I don't feel badly about that.

    I would possibly consider being a surrogate using another couple's embryo, but I doubt that would arise as a possibility, because I wouldn't do it till after I'd successfully carried my own pregnancy(ies) and I haven't yet. By the time I do I think I'd be considered AMA and wouldn't qualify as a surrogate. I'd still consider it for my sister and my BFF though if they couldn't conceive and really wanted children.

  35. IRunForFun

    pomelo / 5509 posts

    @wrkbrk: I feel the same way about sperm as I do about eggs. The child would technically be DH's biological child and I'm personally not comfortable with that (nor is he.) Like I said above, some people are comfortable with it, and thank goodness for that, but it's OK not to be, too.

    DH's sister and her wife were discussing the possibility of children and the idea of DH donating sperm to his sister-in-law was touched upon, but neither of us felt OK about it at all. We wouldn't be comfortable knowing the child was biologically his and watching it be raised by his sister.

  36. ShootingStar

    coconut / 8472 posts

    The question is kind of moot for me at this point because I'm 37 and not sure I want to ever be pregnant again, and no one wants 37 year old eggs. But if I was younger I still think I couldn't do it. I hate about 95% of being pregnant, so I don't think I could've been a surrogate. It was really hard on my body and I had GD. And I think egg retrieval is really tough thing to go through so that a stranger can have a baby that will be related to you.

    On the other hand, if at some point we need IVF and we had extra embryos I would probably be on board with donating them for adoption. For one, the process would already be done, it's not something extra to go through. And two, you can have involvement in finding parents for them. I'd be a little weirded out that other people are raising kids that are technically ours, but we can only have so many kids and this would give them a chance at a life.

  37. AmandaB8

    clementine / 849 posts

    DH and I discussed this last night because of this convo - I will definitely donate eggs and he's 100% supportive of it (after he gets snipped)..

    I'm actually excited about the future to do this.


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