Excuse the cheesy title...! The thread about opposite sex friends and the ensuing cheating discussion made me curious...have you ever been cheated on? Cheated? Been a third party? And did you work it out?
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To make it a little more anonymous I went ahead and voted yes to all of them, which clearly isn't possible, at least not in one relationship!
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None of the above, that I'm aware of!
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I thought this was interesting in light of the opposite sex friendship post because I believe 60% of people admit to infidelity on some level, which means it is likely that many people deal with infidelity in secret, and don't discuss how they managed it (breaking up, working through, etc.).
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@Torchwood: I think that's pretty rare! Wow!
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@Mrs. Sketchbook: I voted honestly based on current relationship. Had to check 3 options
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None of the above. My DH and I have been together since we were 18- no cheating
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@Mrs. Sketchbook: for polls like this, I wait to vote.
I was cheated on but it was in high school and it was a new relationship. So no hearts were broken.
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@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: summing up my whole experience in all my relationships I've definitely been in all three positions at one point or another. I feel like in general conversation and on the boards the general trend is that infidelity is a deal breaker, but the numbers suggest that it is common. Which means that many people choose to overcome it (or hide it I guess). And I will admit my heart breaks for those people a little when I read comments like "I would never tolerate that," etc. I thought Beyoncé was quite brave! Assuming Lemonade was based on her life story.
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@bluestriped bee: that's why I voted for all of them first! So no one would have to be "first."
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None of the above as far as I know.
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@lamariniere: oh duh I guess I forgot to add that one!
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None of the above.... But voted for no drama.
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None.
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@Mrs. Sketchbook: I am a Beyonce stan and it has hurt me to the core that I have yet to listen to Lemonade.
Great timing Bey- wait to drop this highly acclaimed album just when I become a mom. 
Ugh! LOL! Please tell me Lemonade will give me an eargasm when I finally get to hear!Memories are long on HB & Gomi
, so I will just say that @Mrs.Sketchbook: you are right people don't necessarily want to share the bad stuff on such an open forum. However, on a Wall you realize you're not alone and the decisions you're making are not new under the sun.People can live there lives blissfully unaware that their partner has done something they wouldn't like. Not everything unknown damages a relationship. Once it becomes known that's when it hurts.
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So my story is a little different because I was the third party and I also felt like I was cheated on at the same time. Years ago before DH I was with a guy who was Indian. His mother refused to accept him being with me because I'm white. We were together in secret on and off for years. And then he "found someone" (i.e. got into a semi-arranged relationship) and didn't tell me right away. Even after I found out he still didn't really let me go, and we continued things even after he was with her, though at the time I didn't totally realize they were bf/gf.
We eventually broke things off after he referred to her as his gf and it kinda broke me. He got engaged to her a few months later and they're married now. As far as I know, he never told her he cheated on her with me. And in my defense, we had years of history and I truly thought of him as "mine". I mean, he had been on the verge of letting himself get disowned from his entire family so we could be together.
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I was cheated on. I was in a long term relationship, it should have ended a year and a half before it did, but he didn't want to end things. So in order to make me do it, he did a variety of things that finally made it impossible for the relationship to go on any longer.
Details aside, I wasn't very hurt, I was more annoyed that I was being played.
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I was the third party - a guy in university who I was sometimes making out with turned out to have a girlfriend. Who also turned out to be in one of my classes, which was awkward. They eventually got married, so I guess she forgave him.
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I've been cheated on by two different boyfriends. The first one was with a close friend of mine, but they're married with a child now, so...I dunno, it doesn't make it right or anything, but I think it'd have hurt more if it was just a one-off meaningless fling.
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@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: I had a hard time listening to or watching anything upsetting or emotional when I was postpartum! I mean even aside from the fact that who has time to do anything like that...!
I agree that there's nothing new under the sun! And I respect people's choice to keep things to themselves. Although I do think honestly if you can tell the person it can lead to extraordinary self growth (for both parties). Or could destroy the r ship so really...it is a tough call. Lots of times people take infidelity personally, or they think of it as a character flaw in another person. Learning to accept others and not try to take responsibility for other people's actions is key to self growth and working through infidelity touches on all of that.
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In past relationships, I was cheated on by my first college boyfriend, we broke up over. It ruined me for a while, I lost a lot of trust. Later in life, I sadly was the 3rd party. My second college boyfriend and I broke up after 2 years due to distance, but anytime we were in the same city, we met up, even though he had a girlfriend. I hated myself every time but didn't stop it until finally I met DH and I just cut ties completely after Dh's and my first date. I wasn't going to let this other guy ruin another good thing. I look back and realize that my ex ruined every relationship I tried but would never make another commitment to me, he wasn't worth it. He called/text for a good 6 months into DH's and my relationship and I never answered once, blocked on social media, ect.
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I was cheated on several times. My first high school boy friend apparently had many side relationships that everyone knew about except me. That is what bothered me the most. Feeling like I was a fool. We were already broken up by the time I found out. Then my college boyfriend also cheated on me several times without me knowing (until later) but I eventually walked in on him in bed with someone.
That was interesting. We clearly broke up but then did get back together about a year later. I never could trust him again and I think I destroyed the relationship by being paranoid all the time. (Not that I didn't have a reason to be. We shouldn't have gotten back together at all.) I was never a third party to a full extent although a couple of guys have kissed me when they had girlfriends, or tried to kiss me.
I've had a lot of trust issues because of these relationships. I took a very long time between my last serious relationship and my marriage to figure out what I was really looking for. I realized I was choosing guys based on the wrong criteria. My husband is the world's most honest and open guy, with super strong ethics. I know from the bottom of my heart that he would never ever cheat.
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I was cheated on twice by ex-bfs, but in high school so they weren't actually serious relationships in retrospect but totally crushing at the time, and I had a lot of trust issues early on in my dating life. Dh and I have been together though since I was 22 and we haven't had any cheating issues so those early relationships seem irrelevant now
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My first marriage ended because of his cheating. We tried to work things out at first, but it's kind of hard to fix your marriage when he won't give up his girlfriend on the side...
I also voted third party, because I was once without knowing it. But that was just one date one time, and I never saw him again, especially after I found out he had a girlfriend.
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I had no idea what to vote.
In college, I kissed another guy at a party, then immediately realized what I was doing and stopped. I confessed to my boyfriend, we worked it out, and I never did it again. Not sure if that counts at cheating.
I don't think I've ever been cheated on, although one of my boyfriends starting having long phone calls with his ex towards the end of our relationship and it made me pretty suspicious. They got back together as soon as we broke up and actually got married soon after that. It was probably emotionally cheating even if it wasn't physical.
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I cheated once on a long-term boyfriend in college while on a trip to the Bahamas with my girlfriends. We were going through a rough patch and I'd consumed a lot of alcohol. I have never felt so horrid/regretful in all my life. I told my boyfriend and we worked through it and stayed together for another year or two. That experience taught me to never ever cheat again and I haven't.
Another time, I had a one night stand with a friend-of-a-friend and was unknowingly the 3d party. I don't think he told her, and they eventually got married.
I have not been cheated on that I know of, but I would not be surprised if someone along the line had cheated and never told me.
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Never did it and as far as I am aware, no one has cheated on me. Cheating is a HUGE dealbreaker for me. It's why my parents' marriage fell apart.
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The serious, long term relationship I had prior to DH ended because of cheating. I was completely and totally blindsided by it – we lived together, seemed very happy together (I was at least, and he acted like it) he took me to Jamaica for Valentine’s Day and everything pointed to marriage + happy ending, until like 2 weeks after we got back from Jamaica and I found out he was cheating on me and had been for some time. I actually wanted to work things out and remain together and I was willing to forgive and move on, but he didn’t want the same. The woman he cheated with was cheating on her husband as well, and each left their partners to be together. Predictably, they fizzled soon after too.
I casually dated plenty in my early 20’s so I suspect I’ve been the third party before, but only in the sense that people could have been casually dating more than 1 person at the same time, etc. Nothing super serious that I’m aware of – i.e., I don’t believe I ever dated anyone who had a serious relationship commitment in place. I don’t know if any other ex’s cheated; I think it’s impossible to know for sure and many things are much better left unknown.
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Not to my knowledge. DH was one of the first guys I dated, so I haven't been involved in that many relationships that could have involved cheating...
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I was in a long distance relationship my senior year of college and I cheated with a guy on campus.
Broke up with the long distance guy and dated the other guy -
I have to think way back to high school to check any of these boxes, pretty much feels like it was another life. I've been with DH for almost a decade (!!) with zero drama so that pretty much is my whole adult life.
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I was the cheater on my hs boyfriend. More than a few times. I felt bad for him but wasn't confident enough to own up to it, break up over it, or stop it. Eventually I broke up with him (after dating for 3.5 years, 1.5 of those years being unfaithful). I absolutely regret if I hurt him, but honestly I'm really glad I had that experience and have learned how terrible it made everyone feel. I learned a lot about myself during and after that time period.
I was the betrayed for a 6 month relationship at the end of college. I figure that was sort of my karmic payback. Every inch of me wanted to trust him, and he would lie to my face SO easily and it would seem so genuine. Also don't regret going through that experience, to know how it truly felt to get your heart broken. At the time, it seemed like a huge deal but I realized shortly thereafter I really didn't have a deep emotional connection with him. I wanted to, but I was never let in.
I've never had even a slight issue with DH. He is such a homebody, and has been open and honest about having been cheated on in a previous relationship as well. He knows better (as do I). We went into our relationship knowing all relevant details of former relationships and how everything had affected us, and expectations for OUR relationship. Relationships change over time but every lull we get into has been sorted out with improved communication thus far. As long as we are committed to staying in it, which we vowed to and want to do, and let each other know what we need, which sometimes changes from year to year, I think we have a really solid relationship.
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I didn't vote including my HS boyfriends or even my college boyfriend who I know was probably cheating on me. Mostly because I never think about it anymore . I voted no drama based on myself and DH, we've been together for 10 years next month and I think we are solid - but I could be clueless (I doubt it.)
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@smocks: I could have written the exact same timeline/story
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I dont think I've been any of these, but I also never had serious relationships until I started dating my husband. Everything was very casual. I was part of another couple's open relationship for about a year, but I don't consider that in the realm of cheating.
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I have never cheated or been cheated on (that I know of) but I have unwittingly been the third party.
I had a very romantic getaway in Paris with a man that three weeks later got engaged to the girlfriend that I didn't know was still in the picture. They did get married and he has continued cheating on her.
I'm so glad he's not my husband!
Great timing Bey- wait to drop this highly acclaimed album just when I become a mom. 
Ugh! LOL! Please tell me Lemonade will give me an eargasm when I finally get to hear!Reply
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