I was so very thrilled to tell my mom today that my pregnancy was confirmed. I told her Friday what was going on and that I had to wait two more days for the next beta results. I thought she was as excited and hopeful as I was. When I called her immediately after I found out, instead of congratulating me, she said "Well, that's scary. Two kids is going to be really hard for you." Seriously!?! Crushed me! I told her I needed to go so I could enjoy this and celebrate like I should and she hung up on me. What the F?! Anyone else have disheartening reactions to a pregnancy announcement?
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@CatchAFallingStar: oh man. I'm sorry, that's definitely disheartening. When I told my Mom we were TTC last fall, she said "great!" Then she goes "do whatever you want, it's your life."
Ummmmm?! So...I'm not looking forward to telling her when I get pregnant.
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@Mrs. Oreo: ugh. What the heck?! Do you think they're afraid we won't have time for them anymore? I feel like it's coming from a selfish place.
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@CatchAFallingStar: how many did she have? Maybe she struggled with two? I think MIL is a little nervous about possibly babysitting our third so she says she's happy but I don't know, I think she's hesitant (we would never try to pressure her to babysit either.) Anyway that's about your mom. She'll come around. This is a happy day!
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@CatchAFallingStar: I have no idea! It definitely sounds selfish, but I guess it's hard unless they really tell us how it affects them. I dunno...I always pictured that my mom of all people would be the most ecstatic. Oh well. My dad will be!
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I'm sorry. I'm sure she's just concerned about you and already thinking ahead. But not nice at all.
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@CatchAFallingStar: im sorry
when we got pregnant with our third my MIL went on and on how our second was still a baby and joked "what were you thinking?!" They were going to be 22 months apart so not like Irish twins. Then we lost the pregnancy at 18 weeks. I always wonder if she felt bad or thought about those comments. When we got pregnant again she was very congratulatory.
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It sucks to have emotionally stunted relatives that can't be supportive. Congratulations on your pregnancy and I wish you a h&h 9 months!
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@winniebee: I sure hope she felt bad!
@CatchAFallingStar: I am sorry! I know how excited you are, and she totally just pour a bucket of ice over that!
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I'm sorry she said that (but congratulations!!!!)
My mom said something when I told her about my last pregnancy (it was after 2 losses) basically about how she couldn't be happy or relax until the baby was here. NOT HELPFUL, and did not help my anxiety either.
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@CatchAFallingStar: I understand, my mom spent 30 minutes talking about her birth defects and made me wish I had told her over the phone, so I could have faked an emergency and gotten out of it--I realize that this was truly her way of trying to help, but it was very disheartening. I don't want to think about that kind of thing, I do everything I can to prevent it, and there are tests and everything--but, I don't want to think about it until I have to. Now she talks about it leading up to and following every doctor's visit--luckily, those conversations are on the phone.
My heart goes out to you--I don't know how to handle the situation, recently my mother just made me feel horrible about my baby bump, telling me that I look 5 mo pregnant (at 3 month mark) and asking if I am sure I am not having twins. When I spoke to my grandmother it was clear that they have a good laugh about it--I feel so outcasted and hurt.
Now, I can't even eat, plan a meal or think about food without feeling very depressed (plus it takes me 20 minutes to get dressed, because I want to make sure I find something that makes me feel pretty, because my heart does not.
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@CCMommy: Has your mom always been critical of you? I'm sorry she's being so mean, but you can't let her get to you, just think of your baby and how you want your baby to be healthy and grow well and strong. Don't let her make you feel bad for eating, eat when your hungry and eat healthy foods for yourself and your baby. If she says something about how she thinks you look, just tell her "Ok Mom, that's how you feel/your opinion, I'm healthy and happy with myself and my husband thinks I look perfect so thanks" or something to that effect. I hope she will be more positive because that's what you want to surround yourself with, especially when you're pregnant!
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I'm so sorry, that would hurt me a lot.
My mom has frequently made comments about how hard having two kids is (before I had our second), and about how she thinks I'm crazy/will change my mind/it will be unfair to my other kids/etc about our plans to have 3 or 4.
I finally was direct and said "mom, my family doesn't feel complete. I want more children. I enjoy it, and though I know there will parts that will be hard, it is what I want to do in my life. I need you to stop making comments about it. I will not ask you to babysit more children than you are comfortable with, I promise."when I said it like that, it became clear that it was about her own experience- she found two kids really overwhelming, and felt completely and totally DONE after two. She was also really nervous about us asking her to babysit that many kids (I'm not sure why she was anxious about that- seems like she could have just told me "no."...but whatever).
basically, feel your hurt feelings because your mom was shitty. if you otherwise have a reasonably good relationship with her, try to find a time to talk to her about it and communicate how you feel, and I'm sure you can all move past it.
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@Ina85: Thank you, I feel like opening up on this site has helped me break through the hurt and come to the point where I can actually talk to them (I was literally crying so hard, I couldn't eat dinner that day). Now, I am at a point where I am taking everything that has happened as a positive--I make healthier choices; eat more fish and lean meats, avoid desserts and empty calories, and carry almonds or other whole wheat/healthy snacks to stave off hunger. And, thanks to the support I have found here, if I want to have a small cookie or a cup of hot cocoa (or ice cream) once in a while after a long day of work, I am going to have it in moderation and not feel sad about it.
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@CC Mommy: You're welcome lady! Glad to hear you have found support here!
when we got pregnant with our third my MIL went on and on how our second was still a baby and joked "what were you thinking?!" They were going to be 22 months apart so not like Irish twins. Then we lost the pregnancy at 18 weeks. I always wonder if she felt bad or thought about those comments. When we got pregnant again she was very congratulatory.
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