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Finances are the major reason we will stop at 2. I can't fathom paying for three college educations. I don't want to impact my other children's quality of life for the sake of having another kid.

We didn't feel that finances were a big contributor in terms of having a third, since we don't have to pay for daycare, have wonderful health insurance that covers almost everything, and don't plan on buying another car until later on. So really, having a third just meant buying another car seat. Of course, later down the road it will mean another college education and another wedding, but I think we will be well prepared for that by then.

I've said we won't have another child until we move to a bigger house (bigger mortgage) and we have all debt paid off. We also won't until LO1 is in kindergarten so only 2 in daycare fulltime. I will say that long term finances are something we will think about when it happens (college/weddings/ect.) I think by then we will be prepared when the time comes.

@mrsrugbee: yep! i think the same.

we've always wanted 3 and unless something crazy happens after DD2 is born in the fall, we'll continue on with our plan. we know that kids cost money, but i think now that i've had one, i know what's worth it in terms of spending money on items, etc. we'll save for our kids education, but i'm not going to worry about that first if i'm not squared away. after living in a home 2.5 times the size of our first (okay, the first was 600 sq ft, so 2.5 times isn't a lot ), i realize i really don't need more stuff and actually want to get rid of more than when we lived super tight. we're also in the place where we will be choosing to live somewhere more expensive and in turn definitely living in a smaller place than we are now because our quality of life will be that much better, so as a family, we prioritize different things. i don't think it's wrong to take finances into play in determining family size, but for us, it won't stop us from having the family size we desire.

@mrsrugbee: This is basically DH's thinking.

I worry about things like medical expenses (braces), sports and activities (3 fees versus 2 and getting multiple locations), and other teenager expenses (prom, cars, school supplies, etc).

Our biggest cut back/change would have to be eating out and shopping and vacations. All things we could cut back but that is a big change (we obviously already cut back going from 1 kid to 2 kids).

@Truth Bombs: I really don't think that's what she meant by her statement.

I'm open to having a third once we see how things are going with our future second. I never thought I would say that. It may mean living in a smaller house and further out in the country/suburbs (currently I live in the city), and we may not get to go on vacation every year, but it would be okay. If we did, our first (and maybe even second) would need to be in public school in order to save on daycare costs.

@BandDmommy: Agree, and I think just by posing the question means you are probably financially savvy enough to know that you "could" afford them but just aren't sure if you want to cut back to afford it.

@Truth Bombs: My husband thinks the same way. He is also ready to "start" our life and going back to the baby stage sidelines that goal. He also doesn't like the idea of being outnumbered. Finances are important in our decision making because we plan on paying for college for our children.

@Truth Bombs: this. Additionally, there are a lot of places where childcare costs are insane and living on a single income i.e. one parent stays home is often not an option. For me, childcare for 2 is in the 5K region so yes, money is absolutely part of my decision not to have a third. That isn't something that just sorts itself out. Nor is the fact that buying a 3 bdr apt in NYC is almost impossible.

we originally wanted 3 but stopped at 2. finances was a main factor (altho not the only factor). daycare costs in our area are ridiculous so 3 in daycare would've been crazy. we also want to pay for most, if not all, of our kids college tuition. so with 2 we think we can do it, with 3 itd be a bit of a stretch. we'd have to change our lifestyle to make 3 work. another factor was energy. i have 2 pretty easy kids but i still get exhausted by the end of the day. also, since we have one of each gender, we decided to stop at 2. if our second was a girl we might've tried for a boy

so we could make 3 work, but we're much more comfortable with 2 kids. if we could swing 3 kids with our finances and that was the ONLY factor, i don't think i'd let that stop me bc u can make it work. but if there are other factors as well then i'd think about it more

@coopsmama: totally valid, but daycare, housing and food often accounts for 3/4 pf people's budgets, not just on HB but out there in the real world and that doesn't really leave much wggle room.

I also believe that it is irresponsible to have children if you know you absolutely cannot afford to pay for their needs, but I know that not everyone shares that opinion. I just find the idea that people who consider finances are only doing so in order to pay for trips round the world truly offensive. I think anybody planning to have any number of children whatsoever who doesn't stop to ask if they can afford to feed, clothe and shelter said children i.e. do we have the money to do it? is being irresponsible.

@coopsmama: There are plenty more less extreme examples. Kids need braces, some kids turn out to be really skilled in school or in sports and it costs money to foster that talent, etc. Obviously not every single thing can be planned for. You made my exact point that there are surprises. All I was trying to point out is that the statement "kids only cost what you let them" is flat out not true. We can't plan for every financial need. But if we carefully consider costs, and plan for a best case financial scenario rather than one where lots of sacrafices are already being made, it makes the surprises a lot easier to withstand without affecting our children as deeply.

@coopsmama: I hear you. Everyone's situation is different. In our case for example, I am not moving anywhere that doesn't have huge diversity (we are a multi-racial family) and I work in International Relations so really the only options are NYC and Washington, DC. I also really need to have good international links as my whole family lives in the UK, so costs of flights to England to see them are a factor too!

Don't get me wrong, we have a good life and we are very lucky. We own an apt in NYC that we will sell for an insane amount of money when the time comes because we were lucky enough to buy it at the right time, but I know that for us, a third (and we very nearly had that scenario when we thought we were having twins) would have taken a rough toll financially. We would have had 7k in daycare costs, milk costs $6 per gallon here, really the list is endless.

All this to say that of course everyone has a different situation and varying definitions of must-haves. I will admit that paying for as much of college as possible is an absolute must have for me, but I would be really surprised if everyone didn't look at these must haves when planning an extra kid.

A great conversation here, but something seemingly missing is the issue of "needs vs. wants" is different for everyone here, with different perceptions about what each of those terms mean. Most of the parents I know do not consider sports, activities, proms, cars, or even school supplies "needs" ( the school will always provide, if you ask.) I even know some parents that don't consider braces, minor corrective surgeries, or even health insurance a "need". So maybe the discussions with your husband should include explicitly listing what you consider to be needs and wants, and figuring out your budget from there.

@DesertDreams88: health insurance isn't a need? What happens of the child is sick?

@DesertDreams88: woah, that seems a little odd to me- things like corrective surgeries and health insurance are a parent's responsibility in protecting their child. Perhaps if a family needs to cut back that drastically to afford another child, they should consider whose wants they're fulfilling.

@butterbean: I don't know, I only have one but we definitely want two, at least. I think a lot of things factor into a family planning decision, with money being a big one for a lot of people, but I remember my boss telling me she always wanted and planned for three but ended up only having two because her husband's business hit a rough patch and she and her husband decided that in order to maintain a standard of living that worked for them, they would stop at two. Something about that made me so sad. She's still wistful about that 3rd baby even though her kids are older now. Like I understand their decision but it felt so eery to think a whole other human would have been walking the earth if something had gone differently in their finances.

DH and I are financially conservative and we both grew up without a lot, especially me. We were the kids without health insurance, without dental work or braces, no help for college or grad school. So we understand wanting to give our kids more. But we are also religious so we feel that even if it was going to be hard, if we felt like God was giving us the nudge to have another or to adopt or to foster, we would go for it. We grew up without a lot but we were also well loved and happy and turned out okay so perhaps that's why we are more confident in that way of thinking.