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I seriously could've written this exact post! My husband (29) and I (28) have been together for 13 years and married for almost 3. We decided last year to start trying this summer. We had a pretty extensive baby bucket list and crossed off one of the last things last month. Just like you, recently during a random talk, he says that he doesn't feel ready yet! Whaaaaa?!

I can understand that he isn't ready (sort of) , but like you, I am upset because we had a plan and he is backing out. He also cannot pinpoint the exact reasons he isn't ready, he says things like we don't have enough money (we do) and that he isn't as secure in his job as he wants to be (he's been working at this place for 2 years). There is no way that we will start trying until he is 100% ready because I would not want him to be resentful or feel like he isnt heard. But I totally feel your pain! I'm going to attempt to keep quiet about it and see what happens.

@MrsD2442: I've been ready for awhile, him not so much. The only thing holding me back was a job situation. That was remedied last year. I completely understand about the change in plans being a downer. I am a huge planner and a total type-A personality. DH and I have been together 12.5 years now (married 2.5), with him being 3 years older than me. But, I just wanted to let you know that there is hope. Never in my wildest dreams did I think he would tell me he was ready. I figured he'd never be ready, but he completely surprised me.

We originally were going to start trying sometime last year, but he said he wasn't ready. In fact, he actually started his master's degree and there were a few huge fights over the fact I thought he'd never be ready. Then one morning out of the blue this spring, he gave me the green light. No, he didn't say the exact words. But, it was his decision (I asked about a million times if he was sure at that point).

There were a few things that I think helped things along. I tried very hard not to bring it up very often. Believe me, he knew I was still thinking about it. I pretty much cry every time someone else I am close to announces they are expecting. Don't get me wrong, totally happy for them, but I want to be that person (and that makes me feel like a terrible person). But, I tried really not to pressure him. The other thing was that a lot of others in our circle of friends and co-workers are starting families or have started them a few years ago. Cookouts and events have become filled with children when just a few years ago they weren't. I think this kind of showed him life as he knows it won't end. Good luck with the wait (and the baby fever only gets worse when you get the green light...).

@Hoots: I could have written the same thing... We kept having things come up that would push back our timeline then one day he said why not start trying!

For us it was job security and having a good savings cushion that was preventing DH from wanting to try. While he never outright said that, whenever we talked about trying we usually discussed our financial security/position. Does he give any hints about his concerns when you talk about it?

I also agree that seeing friends have kids helped him be ready!

@MrsD2442 this could be me. i am in the same situation and my DH is not ready and doesn't know when he will be. I understand your frustration. I hope that your DH comes around soon :fingers crossed:

I was also in this same situation last summer, and now I have a sleeping 3 month old laying on me. My DH couldn't pinpoint why he wasn't ready but my thoughts were that his anxiety issues were keeping him from feeling ok about change. I finally changed the way I was framing the conversation around ttc and instead of saying "let's make a baby", i positioned it as "let's have fun and see where life takes us." This took the pressure off and helped him see the change in a different light and let go of some anxiety. Turns out we are beyond lucky and got pregnant the first month trying. By the time it was real/tangible he was so happy and excited. Neither of us ever felt 100% ready but so glad we took a leap of faith and let go of anxiety.

Wow your story is similar to mine! I'm 28, DH turned 27 in May and we got married in October after being together 8 years. The only difference is I didn't stop talking about wanting a baby even when DH said he didn't think he was ready. I talked to him about why that was and didn't take I don't know as an acceptable answer. I asked him what he thought would be different and what would change for him. I acknowledged his feelings and told him I was nervous too, but that this was a good change and something I really wanted. Plus he had always said he wants like 4 kids so I did the math with him and told him that we would realistically have to start soon to have children without cramming them super close before advanced maternal age (nothing wrong with that but I have enough trouble ovulating).

What I really think did it for him was the fact that almost all of our friends have kids. He admits now that he didn't really start feeling ready until I actually got pregnant (which shocked me as he said he was ready) but says he's so happy I kept bringing it up because he would never have taken the leap himself. I'm not saying this will work for everyone, but you know your husband and what makes him tick. It could just be fear of the unknown or of change. We are expecting our first this October