I’m looking for someone who shares my debilitating mental condition of fear, severe anxiety and panic over medical/health issues.
Since my first daughter was a baby, anytime anything is even remotely off or questioned about her health, I have totally lost it. There was an incident where the doctors had her see a neurologist and I was inconsolable for weeks until we got into see him. Everything was fine. I have two daughters now. After the second was born, I was convinced she had something majorly wrong with her because her eyes looked odd to me. Again, everything was fine. Her eyes now look normal and beautiful
. A couple weeks ago, I noticed a mole on my arm looked weird, so I googled and was convinced it was melanoma and that I was going to die. I went to the dermatologist and everything was fine. Then I kept worrying that she would call me and say she was wrong and that it was cancer. She didn’t.
Last night, I felt a weird round thing in my vagina while inserting a progesterone capsule. You probably know where this is going. I immediately thought it was cancer and that I was dying. I googled and became even more convinced. I was shaking uncontrollably and couldn’t even be around my kids. I called a nurse who helped calm me. I went in today and the doctor said it’s not cancer. It’s a mucus buildup related to scar tissue where I tore with my first birth. Pregnancy can change it and it fluctuates. As I type this, I am still worried. I asked repeatedly to make sure it’s not cancer. He said it definitely isn’t. He’s going to remove it so it doesn’t get uncomfortable. I asked it they’d have to biopsy it and he said yes but only because anything removed has to be biopsied. That scares me, too. Like maybe it’ll still be cancer. Although he said it definitely isn’t.
I have an emergency therapist appointment this afternoon. In the meantime, I’d love to connect with someone who can relate. I just need commiseration.