And welcome back!

You've been gone for a while...just in time for D to give a lot on the idea of satisfying you. One might think the renewed possibility of having another squishy newborn baby would have brought you back, but no. To my uncertain surprise you stayed away even then, making me question whether I really want another baby (we both know I do, even when I don't actively feel the pull). Don't worry, I don't tell D about those times when I think one might be okay. I don't want to give him renewed fuel!

But silently I questioned my true desires. If I really wanted another baby, you'd be here more, yeah? But I have felt neither hide nor hair from you in months. I can easily look at a family death, duel-parent illness, single-parent unless and then toddler illness as very good reasons for you to stay away.

But still, it's felt like it's been awhile since you've stopped by, and to be honest, I was starting to wonder.

But then. Oh but then. I opened Instagram today. So many brand new squishy newborns. New baby milk comas. New baby pouty lips. Oh I miss it so much. I WANT it so much. I'm equal parts thrilled and jealous of the mamas of these brand new babes.

And then suddenly there you were, slipping over me like a well-loved pair of jeans. You've been quiet while we careened from one big thing to another lately, but you've not left me.

I hope someday, before too long, I can give in to you. We both know it's not the right time now, but I hope you don't give up and leave me. Someday, I hope....

Love,
Sarah