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@MrsADS: I would contact a sleep consultant. I would also look into a night nanny for a couple nights in a row. I know that sounds crazy (and extravagant), but I can tell you it will be FAR cheaper than quitting your job. It also sounds like you are becoming borderline a danger to your self due to sleep deprivation. I have several friends who used a night nanny to wean their child (not the same thing, I realize) and I think maybe someone with less emotional attachment might be able to better deal with this and maybe help nip it in the bud.
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@MrsADS: I'm really sorry to hear that you're still struggling. I would start looking into a sleep consultant ASAP. There are many that do online/phone/text consultations (a mom on podcast I listen to used one and described texting with her sleep consultant, which sounded awesome!) if you're not in an area with that service readily available. In the meantime, are you and DH splitting nights? If not, I would start doing that while you work on resolving things with a sleep consultant. A one night on/one night off approach could help you get some better rest and feel safer driving, among other things! Especially bc you mention you are not nursing during the night anyway, there's no reason you should have to take every night shift and be worried about your own safety due to chronic sleep deprivation.
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@mrs.someone @tiramisu @mrswin @lbee @jape14
Thanks all. My husband is super helpful and we do split shifts - the problem is I'm a really light sleeper and when LO is crying, I can hear it all over the house and I can't sleep. And after I've been up with him for an hour or two, and my husband takes over, it takes me 45 minutes to fall asleep, so basically I'm awake the whole time LO is awake. What I need is to go to a hotel or something.
My mom is in town this week and she is helping but not at night. She is taking him to the pediatrician for me to double-check again he doesn't have an ear infection or something.
He CAN sttn and used to do it on a fairly regular basis (3-4 nights a week). I think this is a combination of bad habit, teething (still working on a molar), getting over a bad cold, and maybe developmental.
He naps pretty well, usually 2 hours in the middle of the day or sometimes a bit longer. And we have a strict bedtime routine and since we've started that, he falls asleep very easily and quickly (although we do hold him and then put him in the crib - although we've always done this and he still STTN). We do our routine, which ends with him drinking milk while I rock him in the glider and read books, DH sits on the floor. By the end of this he is REALLY sleepy. We say a prayer, give kisses, I give him to DH. DH just holds him in the glider and he's usually asleep in 5-10 mins max, then he puts him in the crib.
We tried to let him CIO last night because something has to be done, but we really can't until his cold symptoms are better. After 10 min of crying, his face and PJs were covered in yellow snot, he could not breathe - I actually had to change his PJs, the front was so wet. I felt awful.
AND after I picked him up, he kept crying for like 15 minutes, so it's not like he was instantly happy once I got him.He's not happy in the MOTN when he's up. He's tired. IDK. Uggghhh. I have looked a bit into sleep consultants but it seems like it's all just some variation on CIO, which we may need to do eventually, but I can't right now until he is better. Which, he's never going to get better because he's not getting enough sleep!
And did I mention he is starting daycare for the first time next week?!?!
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@MrsADS: I am so sorry - this sounds rough. It sounds like you've generally got a good bedtime/naptime thing going, so I would keep that up. I think what a sleep consultant is likely to say is not necessarily CIO, but to help him learn how to fall asleep on his own. I think you've mentioned that there is rocking/holding going on until he falls asleep both at naps and at bedtime. That is tricky for him because in the middle of the night, if he wakes up for any reason (legit like sickness/teething or just out of habit), he can't get back to sleep on his own and is now probably at the age where is he tired and frustrated that he can't fall asleep. It will probably involve some crying -- but it sounds like he is crying anyway! Obviously if he is sick, or worked up to the level of throwing up, you will get him. But sleep training can start out with really short intervals -- like 1-3 minutes -- so that he doesn't get a chance to get worked up and is practicing the skill of learning to fall asleep on his own.
Also, I totally get the light sleeper thing -- my DH is a light sleeper and thus has done most of the MOTN wakeups since I stopped nursing. A hotel is a great idea, but do you have a guest room or some other space to sleep when you don't have visitors in town? If so, I would try at least 2 weeks where you shift whole nights of duty between you and DH. The person on duty sleeps in the room closest to DS, and the other person sleeps in the other room with earplugs, white noise, whatever else necessary to drown out the noise. I think if you can get some nights of actual, uninterrupted sleep (as opposed to blocks), you will start feeling better and more rested. I think part of the problem (and I don't mean this as a criticism -- we have all been there!) is that when you are that chronically sleep deprived, it's hard to see a solution because every tiny action seems like a huge effort. I look at it as your brain being overtired, just like your son is overtired and thus struggling to sleep!
Good luck & please keep us updated!
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@jape14 yes, I definitely think you're right about getting him to learn to fall asleep on his own, I think that would help. I guess I had not pushed it because it seemed like, on his own, he figured out how to STTN, so I know he is waking up and putting himself back to sleep on those nights. And before this whole mess started, he was sttn probably 4 nights a week, so not like once a month.
Totally agree on the uninterrupted sleep, that is what DH and I both need. The problem is I feel like it's really hard for 1 person to handle 3-4 straight hours in the motn. I don't know if I can do it without DH's help. And you're absolutely right on being overtired. I am overtired just like the baby.
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This is still happening all the time. .. still totally sucky....tonight up for 3 hours so far. LO is so overtired all the time from not sleeping but I can't force him to sleep. Don't know what to do anymore, this has been going on since Christmas.
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@MrsADS: Is he over his cold? Maybe I missed it but how do you handle it when you go in there? How long do you wait before going in and between check ins?
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@turquoisemama over the cold. It seems like there's always something though - he's just having awful teething that goes on and on (like he spent all day yesterday pouring drool with his hand stuffed in his mouth), 2 days ago he had a reflux flare up, he just started daycare this week so he's having a lot of separation anxiety... etc.
And I am not really a CIO person (would rather wait it out and suffer some lack of sleep), but we are in pretty desperate straits.
We usually try to wait 15-20 mins but it kind of varies depending on his cries, what's going on, etc. Checks make him FURIOUS and start all over again. When we've tried to just wait, he doesn't stop. I think he'd cry for 3 hours. So we don't do that because I know every time we do that and go in, the next time will be longer. We've tried going in right away and waiting, and it doesn't seem to make any difference. I think for someone like him, extinction CIO would be the only way and I think it might take hours. And I am really not comfortable with that, personally.
He's exhausted and very unhappy when he's up, he doesn't want to play or anything. He is clearly wanting to go to sleep but cries. Last night he was gnawing on the stiff edge of his sleep sack and the zipper of it and crying, I think his teeth hurt. It's like he's just so unsettled and can't get back to sleep even though he is exhausted.
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Would you consider melatonin? Tomorrow I'd give him some melatonin ad ibuprofen and then CIO. I know you're not into it but at this point it sounds like you don't have many options and maybe if he's sleepy and not in pain it won't last hours.
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@MrsADS: Ugh this sounds so awful for everyone!
How long do you stay in his room when you check in? I was just talking to my daughter's preschool teacher who is also a sleep consultant and she said to stay in there no longer than 20 seconds, just so he knows you're there. And go in more frequently if you need to avoid getting him totally worked up. Also, when you do decide to sleep train or whatever you want to call it(and that's totally your choice when you feel comfortable of course), you absolutely have to be consistent and commit to what you're doing. Otherwise, you'll be back at square one or even worse if you waver at all.
As for the teething, maybe he can have something in his crib to chew on, like a safe teething toy. Something that you know he can't break and choke on. You could talk to your doctor about alternating Advil and Tylenol if one of them doesn't work. Does he get better when he has medicine?
Maybe you can get something like a night light; perhaps one of the ones that spin around and project light on the wall. Music? I'm sure you've tried everything. Anyway, hang in there, you'll figure it out
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Did he maybe develop a new food sensitivity? Maybe he has trapped gas? It can be super painful and go on for hours.
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@MrsADS: I'm late to this post and don't have personal experience to share, but has your doctor ruled out medical issues? I recently met a mom who was having the most atrocious sleep issues with her child and it turned out he had pinworms. Apparently, they lay eggs in the rectum at night, and her poor babe was up all night screaming because his bum was so itchy
Not saying this is the case but might be something to rule out since it seems to have come on somewhat suddenly for your kiddo.
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Thanks all. We've taken him to the pediatrician like 3x, although usually she's just checking for an ear infection. I don't know about other stuff, I guess that is an idea. I am always a bit worried about that, although he seems fine during the day. I wish I just knew if he's waking up because it's a SLEEP problem (i.e. something sleep training would fix), or is he waking because something else is going on? (I.e. uncomfortable with teeth, reflux, etc.!)
AND after I picked him up, he kept crying for like 15 minutes, so it's not like he was instantly happy once I got him.
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