Can't believe I'm posting this about a 6 year old but alas - my 6 year old HATES taking showers. She is generally a very chill kid but the minute we tell her it's time to shower, all hell breaks loose. The biggest reason for this is FOMO - she absolutely hates being taken away from playing, reading, whatever, so she especially hates it when her dad does showers, because he takes a lot longer to give her a shower than it takes me, but it's definitely a fight regardless of who does it. We've tried everything we can think of - plenty of early warnings, telling her how much extra time she'll have to play if we shower quickly as soon as we get home, rewards, punishments, you name it. She fully understands showers are a health issue and are not negotiable, but still has a cow every day about it. I literally get a knot in my stomach at this point at just the mere mention of the word and I'm out of ideas on how to stop this madness. She's a very active kid so especially now when it's summer showers a daily necessity and she's about to start camp where she'll be outside for large chunks of time so I need to get her in the shower as soon as we walk in the door and really don't want to have my blood pressure go up every time. Any ideas? In case it helps for context, baths are a bit better received (not by much but better) but we can't do them every day because she has eczema and her skin doesn't react well to being in the water for a long time so she knows she can do baths 2X/week because of that. And my favorite fun fact - she doesn't have any issue taking showers when she's at my mom's for vacations or when my mom gives her a shower (as she did when she visited just recently), so it's also a "let's drive my parents crazy" issue to some extent. Thank you for any ideas!
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Does she really need to shower everyday? When I was a kid, I think we did baths 3x week, I didn't start showering daily till I will 11. And I definentaly played outside everyday during the summer!
So I think that you are worried about getting the sunscreen and dirt off of her skin. Could you just do sponge baths? Then make a play list of her favorite songs or youtube videos, have her stand in the tub while you/she wipes from forehead to toes. Then continue with baths 2x per week and I think you'll be all set!
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@jennlin821: When she's sweaty and outside, yes, because she's usually dripping with sweat by the time she gets home, and there's sunscreen and bug spray and pollen and all kinds of stuff that I don't want her to drag around the house or keep on her skin. She tends to break out and get clogged pores on her body too if we don't give her a shower when she's been active. Believe me, I try to avoid having her shower as much as possible, and in the colder months we definitely drop to 2-3X/week max, but when she's outside a lot and sweating a wipe-down just doesn't do it.
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Yeah we take baths/showers every night in the summer for the same reasons. My kids would much rather bath but tolerate showers because our shower head is hand held....they hold it at their height and i soap them down quickly and then they rinse themselves off. They will NOT shower in our bath without the handheld shower head - the spray is too high and I think they get super cold and can’t keep water out of their face/eyes without standing out of the spray..
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@Mrs. Carrot: Could you do something in-between, a sponge bath with a full shower rinse? It may not be any shorter time, but it may feel shorter to your LO!
And your post mentioned that you've tried everything under the sun to stop the meldowns. Have you tried having a conversation with her about why she doesn't want to shower? When I was a kid I hated bath time because it mean that my mom was going to brush and dry my hair after - which was always extremely painful.
Maybe there is something a little more than just FOMO.I hope you figure something out! my DD is 2.5 and we are just starting the really bad tantrum stage... I'm sure I'll be looking back on these posts in a few years!!
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@Madison43: We have a handheld too and ironically she seems to like it more when it's up (which we just started doing) vs when we were holding it and washing her but not enough to not lose her s**t every day anyway lol
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Not sure from your post if you let her shower by herself? That could be a good start? My son is 5, showers by himself. Uses a lot of water. Not sure how clean he is... but he does use a lot of soap...
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@jennlin821: Oh definitely, we've talked about it (and continue to talk about it) on the regular because I'm always trying to find an angle to bargain or minimize the freak-out. The only thing she admits to is that she doesn't want to stop what she's doing (or delay starting something when we get home and force her into the tub right away), and that she doesn't like dad doing bathtime because it takes too long. That's a problem we're trying to solve separately because I just can't do all the bathtime myself and he's receptive to the feedback and is trying but he's just slower at it, but in terms of root cause, we haven't been able to zero in on anything other than FOMO. Once she's in the shower, she's usually fine and we even joke around and talk (as long as it's me - with her dad it's usually a continuation of a tantrum), it's the getting there that's the most arduous.
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@bakingdoodle: We're trying that now, but she's not very receptive to the idea so far. The biggest issue is getting her into the shower - once there it's usually OK, but getting there is all-out war.
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Just an idea..... can you guys let her shower herself....?
My son started showering himself when he was 3 and he loves it. Yes I understand girls have long hair and boys are much easier with hair, but then I don't think she needs to wash her hair every day. You can assist her with her hair maybe every few days, and all other times she can tie her hair up and shower herself? Don't be afraid that she can't do a good job. You just need to show her and teach her how to do a good job, and every once in a while you help her out, maybe once or twice a week at shower time. Then slowly wean off the number of times you have to intervene.
And honestly, when I was 6 I probably don't want my dad to be in my shower. hmm.
At 6 we talked about privacy and we talked about taking care of our body by ourselves and don't let other people touch us inappropriately. When I "help" I instruct and remind him what part of body needs to be soaped and washed and DS does it himself.We have one of these things that holds the hand held shower head at DS' height: https://www.amazon.com/AshopZ-Adjustable-Attachable-Bathroom-Suction/dp/B00VY34AAI/
Good luck! I think once she is given the independence and responsibility it may help. It is the best thing you can do to yourself
At least that's what I inspired my neighbor to do and her 4 year old shower herself too, I believe. Very soon you'll hear her singing in her shower and fight is over! (My son started singing when he first started showering himself, it was hilarious)ETA: If needed, make it a big transition thing -- do a mini makeover in her bathroom (let her pick out a new shower curtain, a rug on the floor and new soap and what not) so it is a space that she enjoys. Then the whole wow you are a big girl now you will be showering yourself! Daddy won't be showering you anymore and I can assist by standing next to you just in case you need anything. I think it will work. Regardless you need to do the transition she is getting old lol. Good luck!!
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@Mrs. Carrot: Ok, so time is the biggest issue. Maybe still come up with some kind of playlist or clock so that she knows how much time is going by. And could Dad do all the showers for a few weeks? get them both comfortable and he will get faster? Make a silly deal that if Dad isn't done by the end of song #5 that she can jump out of the shower, soap and all and continue on what she wants to do? (but obviously make the playlist long enough to have this not actually happen
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As a kid I really hated having to stop reading (yea dork alert) and you couldn't take books in the shower I would have loved audiobooks for that time. Is this something that might help? A special book or music or something on a bluetooth speaker then she isn't missing anything but gaining a new activity?
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DS is 6 and some nights, especially now that it is nice out, are horrible to get him into the shower. But I agree with the needing to was off in the summer.
Does she have to have a shower as soon as you get home? Could you switch it up and do shower before bed?
For DS we just turn on the shower and get the right temp. He does everything himself and turns the shower off when done. One of us stays nearby in case he needs help. Sometimes he doesn’t soap but that is ok. About 2x per week I’ll instruct him to shampoo his hair.
Maybe having a bit more freedom in the shower could help.
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@snarkybiochemist: great idea! What about a special audiobook that she only gets in the shower?
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You know what this may not be popular but if you’re not willing to budge on the shower thing i would stop talking about it and bargaining with her. If it’s non negotiable for you then that’s it you’re the adult. So I would say lose a privilege, time out, 123, whatever your discipline is. Mean it and follow through. 🤷♀️
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@Mrs. Carrot: I would have her shower on her own. Maybe go to the store and let her pick out a foaming soap or something that is hers for her shower use. Along with a toy of some kind to have in there? I sometimes have to bribe my 3yo with a water squirter thing for him to shower since he prefers the tub, but he loves using that in the shower (as long as he keeps it in there)....
I would also try making it part of the routine and if she follows her nightly 'routine' - dinner, shower, teeth, pjs, books (or whatever) - then maybe she works her way up to some kind of reward? My children are highly motivated by these kind of things
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In the warm weather my kids can opt to get hosed off. Also if they go swimming or in the sprinkler I don’t make them bathe if they don’t want to—I just wash their feet (since they won’t wear shoes 🤦♀️). DD1 washes her face in the evening if she doesn’t take a shower, and every morning. If they’ve skipped a bath or opted to get hosed/swim/sprinkler we usually do a messy bun or ponytail the next day. ETA I’m with PP in that if they’re refusing a bath but really need one I make them get in. I’ll compromise though and just wash their hair or if they’re really putting up a fight just rinse them down.
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@gotkimchi: I'm with you.
If I ask my kids to do something that's a non-negotiable and they whine too much, I just say it's not a choice and tell them to go now. If they don't, then there are consequences. Time outs, loss of tv time, loss of books at bed (typically along the lines of "you used up all your time arguing and now we don't have time to do xyz"). I give them choices and autonomy as much as I can... but in the end, they're still kids and I'm still in charge.
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@gotkimchi: That's basically what we do now, it's not negotiable. I'm just trying to minimize the stress for all of us. I really don't enjoy the constant screaming and while I'm generally really good at staying calm, the stress of it is still something I'd just like to do without.
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@snarkybiochemist: I love that idea, thank you! I wonder if we can add some music or some kind of special something to have in there...
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@hellobeeboston: Now that she's had exposure to school I'm thinking of doing a chart for the summer where she can get points or stickers or something for doing certain things like getting up and dressed quickly, showering without screaming, reading for 10 minutes, etc. and a prize of some sort at the end of each week. We haven't had to utilize that before so it'll be an interesting experiment lol
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This may sound crazy but what about special shower only toys? If she's afraid of missing out on playing, maybe make bath/shower time a special play time? Sort of like the water exhibits at children's museums.
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What about something she can only have until after tub? Anything - a toy, game, reading time with mom or dad, a special treat. We've gotten into a nightly habit of a special treat after tubby cooperative behavior which I don't love but I love my sanity more. My daughter is 4 and she'll do anything that I "race her" too. I'm hoping that magic lasts a long time!
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I was also going to see if something special in the shower (toys, dolls, foaming soap or something) might help.
Also, on the topic of a reward chart, one summer my parents had us "earn" screen time. For every minute we read a book we got computer/TV time. Maybe a happy shower could also equal 10 minutes?
Or some other way to use her FOMO to her advantage... being good in the shower = doing something super fun with the family on the weekend or something. (not that you'll leave her at home if she isn't good...but maybe something to look forward to will help?)
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@Mrs. Carrot: So I remember my mom letting us have "bathtime " in a kiddy pool in the yard with the hose.l during the summer months. Crazy fun. We then went inside and watched TV before bed. It was a ton of fun and we didn't really have to come inside and stop our playtime.
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@MaryM: I like the idea of earning screen time. In your situation I would do if you don’t cooperate or scream for your shower no tv until your next shower when you do good.
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I don't have a great solution to the FOMO, but would it possibly help to add some fun bedtime routine that she can only do if she's quick to get into the shower. At six, she may be old enough to tell time from a clockso it's not just a "mom said it's time" thing.
At 6 we talked about privacy and we talked about taking care of our body by ourselves and don't let other people touch us inappropriately. When I "help" I instruct and remind him what part of body needs to be soaped and washed and DS does it himself.
At least that's what I inspired my neighbor to do and her 4 year old shower herself too, I believe. Very soon you'll hear her singing in her shower and fight is over! (My son started singing when he first started showering himself, it was hilarious)
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