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We just moved to a new neighbourhood in February and have happily discovered that there are three girls (9, 7, 5) living across the road from us. We live at the end of a very quiet cul de sac up the top of a hill so I’m happy for my kids (6 and 4) to play on our verge and up on the road with them. I can hear what they’re doing and have a partial sight line up to the road (we’re down from the street level) and the other Mum is above the street so she can see them too. At this point in time we don’t play inside but the kids are welcome to run around in either yard.

I think 5 is too young for what you're hoping for, but as they get older it will happen. A 5 year old still needs supervision, especially if they're playing out front. So letting her go over is asking something of the parents to supervise an additional kid. When they're a bit older and it's not an ask of the parents then it will be fine. I had a couple friends in my neighbourhood that I often played with but they were not directly on my street so I always called first and asked if they wanted to play. If I couldve seen them from my yard then I would've just gone over once allowed.

I have no advice, but I just want to say that we just moved to the suburbs 2 weeks ago and I'm super clueless about this stuff as well.

My 4 year old is super social, wants to be everywhere with the other kids but the kids on the street are older and I feel like I"m hovering but I'm not letting him out of my sight cause he's a risk taker who moves way too fast.

I completely understand what you are going through... It's so awkward too when the other kids are fine with it and you're like umm actually I don't need another set of 5 kids in my house right now cause I just pulled in from a 13 hour day and we have groceries and lunches to pack and laundry andddddd I also just kind of want to go inside and not talk..... anyway, I get it!!

@Ajsmommy: I read your latest reply -- so it is THEM doing it, not you. Honestly, I wouldn't feel comfortable either myself. Again, my documentary watching is not helping (haha), doesn't child abductors keep children around to lure other children in lol. I honestly think you are OK in your case but this does this does reminds me of that a little lol. And why would these parents be so OK for their girl to actually go INTO a new neighbor's house for so many times and you guys just met, for me I wouldn't, at least until after I vet out if you guys are weirdos first lol. Different parenting style probably but all of it is just a tad strange.

Bottomline is I don't think there is a "norm", it is up to what you feel is comfortable. I sense that you don't feel comfortable and there you go!

With that said, I did chat with a friend who moved into a different neighborhood a few months ago and she appreciated the kids going into each other's houses for playdates. One day she found out the kids were in her kitchen table doing a craft or something. They are much older though (7 and 9 or something).

For my neighborhood we are in a cul-de-sac. Kids come out to play, they knock on each other's doors and they asked if DS can come out to play. Sometimes the other moms text me to let us know they are outside. The kids wouldn't barge in and stay. If we are available we'll go out if not we'd say no we can't today. There is pretty much no feeling bad. I do think it is reasonable for you to say something to this other girl's parents. It is very dangerous for her to follow you guys as you pull into the garage, twice! What if one day you are pulling out and she sneaked behind your car and you hit her? It is a safety concern and I would definitely say something about it. Our neighbor's DS likes to do that too (follow us when we pull in) and I had to tell his mom because of safety reasons and they had to talk to their DS. And we are friends. It is perfectly OK to say something. Ask them to give you a heads up when their DD is coming over via text or something.

@Ajsmommy: That's great that the problem resolved on its own!

I actually came back to this thread b/c recently we met one of our neighbors and it turns out our kids are both incoming kindergartens, so now I'm totally waddling into the whole "what is proper etiquette thing" too. So hard!

ETA: Honestly I'd put it where YOU really want it. Afterall it's your house. People might come and go so I wouldn't do something JUST for the kids.

@Ajsmommy: I don't! Winter we only bath them once a week We are now at twice a week going into summer. Oh yeah last night b/c we just met them, we talked in front of our house and totally delayed bed time. I told her every night we pretty much come out to play/head to playground at around 6:30. I *think* it helps that they're the same age so schedule should be similar. There IS a family moving in 2 houses down with 3 kids. This thread needs to keep going so we can get all the advice for the ever changing situations!

@Ajsmommy: That is great that there are some closer kids to play with. I’d put your play structure where you want it. In the back will be good when you are fenced, the your DD can go out there herself and play.

To speed up bedtime for when you stay out playing longer have you thought about showers instead of bathes? We switched DS to showered around 4. Now that he is outside so much he has a nightly shower and washes his hair a couple times a week. It is so much faster.

@Ajsmommy: I agree with @SproutBee: that it can just be a rule that we don’t go in other houses right now. I fully trust some of my neighbors, and would have no problem with them watching my kids, but still i don’t let my kids just go into their house without me. More out of respect for them- my kids will make a mess, they’d be babysitting my kid basically, and it’s one thing if that’s an agreed upon playdatr. Sometimes the kids do want to go inside and all the parents outside just say no, we are playing out here now. (Don’t get me wrong- the kids might whine and moan and keep trying to go inside! But none of the parents feel like dealing with that mess when it’s a perfectly nice day to play outside)

I would just make it a rule that you play outside. You can always change the rule down the road.

DS is 6 and a couple of our his neighbourhood friends have come in to play in the past couple weeks because it is raining and he’s also gone in one of their houses. But we have been neighbours with these people over 5 years now, so we are ok with it.

The thing I find annoying about inside play (especially when we have a couple kids over) is that then you have parents knocking to get their kids to come home. Annoying if I’m trying to feed the baby or put him down.

I would not feel bad about your rules or comfort whatsoever. Plenty of people have different limits than I do. As in, we have strict bedtimes like you said for both our kids and lots of our friends don’t. It seems sometimes like we are the only ones who aren’t letting our kids play outside or go to events/activities til 9 pm on school nights. But that’s our limit and we know what’s best for our family. This neighbour family may not even think twice about stranger danger or they have lax mealtimes/routines. You get to decide what you want regardless of them. I know if I was you and gave in, I would be worried the whole time so not worth it.

I think the relationship needs time to build a comfort zone. We are setting up play dates with my sons JK kids this summer and we don’t know the parents at all other than DS is friends with their kid. So we start by meeting at the park and chatting. Then maybe that will progress to having them for outside play at our place, and eventually when they are older to a play date without parents inside. I would just say to your daughter that we are getting to know the neighbours and until we know them well, we won’t be going inside the same as with anyone we don’t know. Maybe you could even invite the parents over for some outside play at your place or do a trip together to a playground or something so you can actually chat and get an idea of their personalities.