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My first was a lot like this (including soccer meltdowns!) He’s 6 now and super outgoing. I also found that when I pushed him, it went worse than when I let him come around on his own terms (even when it drove me nuts). Mine was a parent participation class, so I couldn’t drop and run, but I can definitely see that helping. (In my class, I had to request that no parents clap for him when he made a goal for him to willingly participate...) And that was after, like, 2 years of soccer.

I think the only thing that “helped” (other than time) was role-playing and really talking through what he could expect in different environments. And I totally bribed, though I’m not sure that helped. If I remember correctly, I did require him to give an answer when the coach called his name. He could say “no, thank you” if he didn’t want a turn, but he couldn’t refuse to answer. Then one day he just took his turn!

It’s hard, and you’re doing great!

This is so hard. DS1 was like this. He’s 6 now and so much better. Starting kinder was the turning point.

When he was 2-3 we did parent & tot gymnastics which he loved. Then 3-4 he did the preschool class with no parent and it could get pretty miserable. There was a lot of screaming, crying and unwilling to participate. I tried bribing but that didn’t really work. But we went every week because he had wanted to do it and we had signed up for it. We would do a lot of talking about what to expect and how he was going to react in different situations.

Now sometimes he still gets nervous about new things but he is willing to try them and knows how to express when he doesn’t want to do something or isn’t comfortable with it.

G is 3.5 and very similar. Ages 0-2 intense stranger danger, would cry inconsolably in church nursery (so we stopped after maybe 4-5 tries) and only had one trusted babysitter but he was sad with her the whole time.

At age 2 he finally was willing to go to the toddler class, i think because we talked about "playing with new friends" and watched the Daniel Tiger episode about grownups coming back.
At age 3 we started really pushing it, joining another church for Saturday nights and talking a bunch about being brave and how he'll play with new friends.
This summer we signed him up for 4 different weekly drop-off camps, 9am-12 noon. It has gotten better every day and he has warmed up to it a lot. He has been so much more talkative and brave in other situations too, so I think it's finally starting to click

My son is like this. He goes through phases. Currently (5.25 years) he’s struggling. So my husband participates with him. He volunteers and my son is fine. Tomorrow he has a drop off party, so my husband or I will just go with him. It kind of sucks at times but we won’t always have to and it’s easier than the crying battles.

@nwm: Oh, I meant patented like the parents participate. With W all the other classes he’s taken have involved the parents, so I figure he’s just not ready for one on his own.

DD1 is 4.5 and we have not done any classes outside of school b/c she refuses too. She is already a lot less shy than before 3! I am in the camp of letting her do things on her own terms so we haven't forced anything on her! Just for pre-k graduation, she stood there like a deer in headlights throughout their whole performance

@nwm: oh gotcha! Well my DD is extremely shy and she’s been in various activities over the years. She’s now 4.5 and has gotten a lot better but still gets very shy and upset if she starts something new or if there’s a new teacher or something. She really loosens up after a few weeks but still goes through phases of being extra shy or crying when we drop her off. I bet your little guy will come around in a few weeks and have fun! I’ve learned that even if they don’t participate, they are still taking everything in and learning.