DH is having trouble bonding with our 5 week old daughter and he's very frustrated. She is an easy baby but her needs are basically cuddling, rocking, soothing, etc. Normal stuff. But DH is a very active independent person and doesn't like lots of touching or sitting around rocking a baby. He hates it.
I pump and supplement so he has given her lots of bottles. Any other suggestions or advice for when babies get a little more independent and playful?
GOLD / cantaloupe / 6703 posts
Our little girl is 8 days old, but DH bonds with her by doing some feedings, also does he do any skin-to-skin time with her or tummy time? DH enjoys doing that.
hostess / wonderful persimmon / 25556 posts
I found my husband didn't really start to enjoy our daughter until she started playing. At 6 months, he has a lot of fun with her. There was a lot of, "she hates her dad" before now. 
It'll get better but for now, bottles, being a part of bedtime routine, bathing her. Those are good activities to at least give him something to do with her.
cantaloupe / 6630 posts
Could he wear her so still be active while soothing her? Also DH put A on her playmat or in her bouncer and played with her toys, she started tracking them with her eyes and now smiles at him all the time while they play, so he loves that time. She's 8 weeks old but has enjoyed play time for a fair few weeks now.
persimmon / 1341 posts
My husband was really good about rocking and cuddling her but I think the thing that helped him bond with her the most was feeling needed by me. I did most of the baby stuff since I have the boobs but he felt good being needed for things like running to the store, getting dinner warmed up and on plates, bringing me water, taking care of the dog, handling family and friends who called and visited, etc. I made it a point to thank him often and express how much we needed him and how much that helped me AND the baby.
cherry / 236 posts
I know it sounds crazy, but one of the first ways my husband bonded with our daughter was by changing her diaper. Our routine when she was a newborn would be...he would get up to change her and then I would feed her. It was so cute because I could hear him in the nursery talking to her and singing to her. Then he'd bring her back to our room. It was his time without me being right there. As she has gotten older...she's five months now...he'll walk around with her, play with her, etc. I think the big thing for me was to let him do things his way...I can be a bit of a control freak....and I had to let that go. I don't love that he has her in front of the TV watching some sports game, but he is holding her, talking to her, etc. This has all contributed to him bonding so well with her
bananas / 9118 posts
I had mine take over tummy time. He could be active working with that and I got a break. He would have bonding moments any time the little guy would hold his finger! He would also cuddle while playing video games.
pomegranate / 3383 posts
My DH has done bathtime ever since my LO was born so that's another option.
Also, would he be willing to wear her? That way they get good snuggles but he can be moving around the house doing stuff.
cherry / 205 posts
One of the things he would do (and still does) is carry her in baby carrier while we go on evening walks, grocery shopping, run errands, or any other activity. She loves the baby carrier so it was a win win for both DD and DH
admin / wonderful grape / 20724 posts
I had a really hard time with bonding until the babies were older...
I found it really stimulating to try and figure out what Charlie's cries meant... and to get him to stop crying by figuring out what was wrong (needed to change diaper, was tired, etc.) I also enjoyed bath time...
It was also nice to take the kids on long stroller walks... they loved being outdoors. Bee came up with sensory walks, which I wish we had done earlier:
http://www.hellobee.com/2012/10/25/sensory-walks-with-infants/
Hope he's able to bond with baby!!
hostess / watermelon / 14932 posts
Same as @mediagirl, my husband said "she hates me" all the time. he wasn't super interested until she started smiling, then cooing, and now playing and laughing. it was tough!
GOLD / wonderful pea / 17697 posts
DH likes to hold DS when he's on the computer playing a video game, and DS seems mesmerized by the graphics. He'll also show him music videos (TMBG and The Beatles are big in our house) and infant stimulation videos.
He also wears him in the papoose whenever we're out and about. I tried to get him to take over baths, but he didn't really have an interest.
Honestly, though, I think the biggest help was time. He wasn't really interested in anything but sleeping and my boobs the first month or two, and that was hard and frustrating for DH. Now he's almost 5 months old and interacting with us and he's more fun for both of us.
wonderful grape / 20453 posts
I was going to suggest that he do some babywearing! I just read a book that talked about nighttime parenting and what fathers can do to help and bond with their child and just having the baby strapped to him will help I think it's also difficult until the babies are a little older and can....respond more? I think that's the word I want. They just have a lot of needs at this stage but it's very one-way street, ya know?
honeydew / 7687 posts
Bath time! Hubbys also big into reading books and tummy time, moving toys and getting him to flip his head back and forth.
squash / 13764 posts
I agree with baby wearing, that way he can be active and still be bonding with her. And yes to having him change diapers--that's a concrete task that is also necessary, and it gives you a break! But to be honest, I had trouble bonding with Lo until he really started socially smiling and interacting around 8 weeks, so also just give it time.
pear / 1723 posts
As others have said, I'd see if he'll try baby wearing or stroller walks/runs. Hubby was reluctant at first but jumps at the chance to wear one of the kids at the store now.
I think photos can help too. I got dh a digi photo frame for work and I think it helps him stay connected during the day. Ask him to take photos too...mine got so excited when he caught a smile or just got a good shot.
Does he read? He could sit and read her anything...a magazine or an action/adventure book, or make up stories to tell her on a walk.
I think it will come with time. Any tasks that you can make his will help...tummy time, baths, diapers, books. Just a routine. Mine washes bottles every night with baby in a bouncer next to him...they just chatabout back and forth to each other.
pomelo / 5093 posts
Babywearing for sure, so he can go on and be active while being near to her and learning her cues. Naps with her. Reading his favorite books to her, playing his favorite music, whatever. Sharing what he loves with her while holding her close.
grapefruit / 4817 posts
@mrbee: This was my husband's thing, as well. He felt really fulfilled by being able to get the baby to stop crying at the beginning.
blogger / pomegranate / 3300 posts
My husband also did bath time. Give him something that is his time that doesn't require you. Also you can leave the house for s little. Feed her then leave for 2 hours. Then there is no option of giving her back to you. I know it's really easy when they are fussy to say "oh I will just take her." But if you are out of the house you can't do that. Good luck! Also sometimes it just takes time.
grapefruit / 4823 posts
My husband had been in charge of bath time and bedtime since DS was a month old or so. He says its their bonding time and enjoys it. He feels weird when I do it
GOLD / papaya / 10166 posts
I gave DH bath time to try to help, but really, the only thing that helped him to bond with her was time. Once she got more independent and could interact more with him, he really started to bond. Once she started crawling and laughing, it kicked off a whole new level of bonding between them.
coconut / 8498 posts
DH has always been very good with LO (almost 8 months), but he actually just told me today that he felt like they interacted more than ever before and it helped him feel bonded. I think in the beginning it is hard. Doing the bedtime bottle and rocking her to sleep made a huge difference in how bonded he felt. And once she got older he's made it his job to teach her how to do things He's taught her how to wave, give high fives, roll over, sit up, etc. I work on those things with her too, but she always masters it with his teaching Overall, I think my attitude really helped the most. Praising his skills to others (when he can hear) helped him realize that he does more than he thinks he can.
GOLD / papaya / 10206 posts
DH had a hard time bonding with baby girl at the beginning too. Not because he was doing anything wrong, but just because she was is tiny little lump that needed her mommy all the time. She didn't take bottle very well either so that was out for us. I found that praising him for whatever job he was doing well, like bath time, really helped. He took over bath all together for her, and he was also the best at getting her to burp. Every time she need to be burped I would hand her over to her daddy and he was the Bu
Burp master. Lastly the older she got the more fun he had with her. until she could start interacting he just didn't get the same enjoyment I did.
honeydew / 7235 posts
i agree with some others - it just takes some time. my DH likes to read & sing to LO... sometimes he reads baby stuff, but he likes reading the paper or his book or whatever to him while LO lies on him or next to him.
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