I feel like I've hit rock bottom. I dread the time I spend with my kids. There, I said it. I'm very depressed and just went through a few months of thinking I had breast cancer (which I don't) and dealing with the mental health side of that. I have been a basket case in a lot of ways. Fear has been ruling my life. Fear of cancer. Fear of death. Fear of my kids losing their mommy. But, now I know it isn't cancer and for some reason I'm just extremely depressed to a point of standing in the middle of my daughter's room sobbing while she was at school today. I don't understand what's going on with my mind and why I can't feel the joy that I used to feel. I feel none. NO happiness. Nothing makes me excited (except maybe sleep). And the one thing I love most in the world is my kids. I'm dreading time with them I guess because I don't know how to fill it with happy moments when all I feel is darkness.
I'm not really sure what the point of my post is. I just didn't feel like I could say these things to anyone in my life. I just feel like rock bottom has to be avoiding time with the biggest joys of my life. And, here I am. I've hit it.
One thing my therapist said that helped too was to try to stay in the moment not by focusing on your breath but just by narrating to yourself what you see. My daughters walls are pink. Her teddy bear is on the floor. The fan is on. It sounds hokey but works remarkably well once you make it a habit.
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