I feel like I've hit rock bottom. I dread the time I spend with my kids. There, I said it. I'm very depressed and just went through a few months of thinking I had breast cancer (which I don't) and dealing with the mental health side of that. I have been a basket case in a lot of ways. Fear has been ruling my life. Fear of cancer. Fear of death. Fear of my kids losing their mommy. But, now I know it isn't cancer and for some reason I'm just extremely depressed to a point of standing in the middle of my daughter's room sobbing while she was at school today. I don't understand what's going on with my mind and why I can't feel the joy that I used to feel. I feel none. NO happiness. Nothing makes me excited (except maybe sleep). And the one thing I love most in the world is my kids. I'm dreading time with them I guess because I don't know how to fill it with happy moments when all I feel is darkness.
I'm not really sure what the point of my post is. I just didn't feel like I could say these things to anyone in my life. I just feel like rock bottom has to be avoiding time with the biggest joys of my life. And, here I am. I've hit it.