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I agree with allowing people to "graze". No need for a meal, especially when kids are involved.

I would ask everyone to bring something, potlucks are fun!

I have found that not planning a menu ahead of time, but rather trying to shop on sale and then plan the menu around that helps. Sometimes I research and find the best recipe but it will call for an out of season or expensive ingredient. If I just go to the store, I can find whatever brand of crackers that are on sale and then some cheese, etc.

So jealous- I dream of the day I will have a big house for entertaining. I want to host annual holiday parties with sledding!

I think doing appetizers- like different dips & spreads, is a good idea, especially if you are doing an afternoon thing. Asking people to contribute something specific always helps. You could ask everyone to bring a nice cheese, and then you provide crackers, fruit, honey, olives, and do a sort of "cheese tasting."

Also, doing something like a warm cider drink, or mulled wine, would help cut down on alcohol costs. Most people will have at least a glass of that (and you can make it with less expensive alcohol), and then you can just get some bottles of nicer wine.

You sound very similar to us. Everyone loves to eat at our house. So we ALWAYS go way overboard. (we just cut down our original plan of 16 sides for thanksgiving)

We have done 2 things to help out with budget
1) We ask everyone to bring 2 bottles of wine 1 for themselves and one for the hosts. It saves us money in the long run because we end up with tons of wine

2) We have a dessert contest. Everyone is asked to bring a dessert and then the group picks a winner and we give them a funny gag gift for winning. It's always a hit

I wish one day I can have parties like this...alas my house is too small (IMO lol). I think appetizers is a great idea. Also, if you serve apps, have other bring the wine and desserts. Would help cut back for you guys.