Hellobee Boards

Other-ish.

My work environment got really bad and I would have mostly been working to pay daycare. So I quit. Then I was offered a raise to stay, so I worked from home for three months for ten hours a week. But I still quit. Now I realize that it will be near impossible to find a job that pays more, unless I work full time. But I don't want to work more than 3 days a week.

Sometimes I regret quitting, but I was pretty miserable. And there were other mitigating factors. Lo1 has lots of allergies, and lo2 was premature and needs physical therapy.

It does piss me off when people tell me I'm so lucky that I can stay at home. We were very fortunate in that DH for another job a a month before I was done working which evened out the difference, so we didn't have to cut back as much as we thought we would. And I am grateful for that. But the circumstances leading to my decision aren't what I would call "lucky!"

1! My mom was a SAH, and I loved it, so it became my goal to do the same. I never had huge career aspirations--I always wanted to be a SAHM. I chose teaching because I like kids, and it's the most flexible career for child-rearing. Thankfully I'm able to use some of that college education with my own kids, so it's not all money wasted! We make a lot of sacrifices in order for me to SAH, but we wouldn't change a thing.

#5. I hope I can eventually. I am lucky that I don't have to work full-time though and my work is flexible and rewarding.

It is really unkind & unfair to say that it is ALWAYS a choice. In our case, it is somewhat, although if I chose to stay home right now we would choose a life of hardship. But there are cases where it is not a choice. Single parents, or one parent is sick or disabled, or Dad has a blue collar job without health care benefits. Hellobee is populated with mostly privileged middle and upper class families, but we are actually the minority in the world.

@daniellemybelle: Financial hardship almost always accompanies one parent foregoing their career. It's perfectly valid to say, "That's a level of hardship that I'm not willing to subject myself to." However, it's important not to phrase it in such a way so that it sounds as if you are forced into one path or another. Particularly when you are talking to someone who chose a path you deemed impossible and is making it work.

Given our experiences making do with what we have, I don't think it's an overestimation to say that most couples (barring extraordinary circumstances such as a disability) who say that they wish one parent could stay home have the ability to do so, if it's important enough to them.

I'm not saying that they should do that--not at all. And I'm not saying there aren't times I think the grass is greener--I mean, we put away a little bit each month into a special savings account just to save for a family vacation, and now it looks like we're going to need to use that for car repairs instead. So I completely respect and understand the decision to not stay home when it means feeling like you're just scraping by. It certainly doesn't feel like much of a choice when you're between a rock and a hard place, which is unfortunately too many of us these days. I just try to remind myself that we're not trapped, even though it feels that way sometimes.

I voted 1. I didn't always envision myself as a SAHM tho. It wasn't until I had my son, that I felt the desire to be home with him. I love being at home with the kids and I feel so grateful that I am able to do so.

@Skadi: Honestly, I think people should be able to phrase it however it feels most accurate to them. If they feel "forced," you might have not felt that way in their situation, but I don't think it is fair for you to speak for them.

And I think the number of folks who are truly without other options due to extenuating circumstances would probably surprise you.

@photojane: Well put.

I got fired when I was pregnant with DS. As soon as I told my workplace they cut my hours and then the second my DD had a fever and I had to call in they fired me. After that I tried getting a new job while pregnant but nobody wanted to hire me. After having DS he wouldn't take to a bottle at all so going to work would have literally been starving him. Now he is working on weaning himself

@daniellemybelle: Exactly.

People have a very difficult time imagining a life without the financial, emotional and intellectual privileges they perceive as 'normal.'

FWIW, while I wouldn't put myself in the 'forced' category because I have always planned to work, there are circumstances that have made working a necessity: LO goes to the urgent care/ ER or inpatient hospital approx. 6ish times a year. There is no way we could afford that without good insurance. DH covers our insurance, which means he couldn't quit, but he didn't make enough to cover our minimum bills, so I couldn't quit either, even though our bills aren't extensive (a cheap mortgage/insurance/utilities).

And my point is, this is not a weird, extenuating circumstance. Yeah, my kid is sicker than other kids, but not that sick. There are a lot of people with Achilles heels when it comes to trying to live on one income: an ailing parent, student loan or other not asset related debt, insurance needs, life circumstances that funneled them towards low paying jobs, etc.

As I get older, I understand more and more that knowledge of my own personal experience/ perspective is not enough to justify judging others.

(not that I never do, 'cause judging is fun )

I wish I could stay at home with my babies

Sort-of a combination of 1 and 2. I knew I wanted to be a SAHM, and the job I was working gave no maternity leave at all & didn't pay much more than what the cost of daycare would be. Luckily, my husband has a decent job and my pay was mostly going to pay extra on debt so it wasn't really an adjustment to our quality of life for me to SAH. Now I WAH part time and don't plan on returning to work outside the home until my daughter is out of school since I plan on homeschooling. I feel very fortunate that my husband agrees that this is best for us since it is what I really wanted.