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I am grappling with this decision right now, myself. I have a successful & somewhat demanding career to which I commute 2-3 hrs each day (round trip). I have always wanted to give my children the gift of SAH with them as my mother did. I do, however, worry a little bit about losing my (fierce) independence when I'm not working, and so am considering how I might transition to working part time &/or from home. I am just worried about proposing this option to my current employer if I find I just can't/don't want to go back to work, but I believe I'd have a stronger position negotiating this solution before going on mat leave.

I didn't really know what I wanted before having kids. I had a super stressful and consuming career but did go back to work after having our son. I quit when he was 14m Bc we moved cross country for one year for my husbands job. We moved back but I was then 20w pregnant so it didn't make sense for me to start working again. Once the dust settles after this baby I likely will return to work in a part time status. My husband works 80+ hrs a week so something truly part time would work for my family. There have been many benefits to stayjng home and I feel like I got my life back in a lot of ways. But I worked really hard for my career and was good at my job. I think I would miss that long term if I stayed out of the work force.

I always wanted to SAHM. Right now I have to work some (I WAHM 4 days per week) and I am very happy with my job but I hope to SAH as soon as it makes sense.

Well, I don't really have a choice but I also think for now being with LO is the right thing to do for us. (My dad was going to care for her but grew ill and has now passed- I don't make enough that it would be reasonable for me to work without free care.) I do work very part-time however.

I think it is right for us right now when she is little but also look forward to adding more work for myself when she starts school at 4.

I've always wanted to SAHM but always thought (and was ok with) having to work after having LO. I fell into SAHM when we moved cities right at the end of my maternity leave. It was a big career jump for DH and allowed me to SAHM. I am grateful everyday that I can!

I got laid off at the beginning of the recession that started in 2008, and I could not find another job and was getting great unemployment checks. So we decided to get pregnant. I was a SAHM before my first was even born. I stayed home for the first 18 months since it was complicated to even try to go back to work since I didn't have a job to go back to and the job market took a long time to get better. Finding coverage so you can go on interviews is not easy. I was fortunate enough to find a job where I could start at 3 days a week, and eventually I ramped up to 4 and then 5 days a week. As soon as I started working again, all three of us were happier-- Wagon Jr loved the stimulation and friends he had at daycare, Wagon Sr. wasn't getting nagged by me to take more time off or come home early, and I was working and focusing on myself again.

I'm a pretty type A person when it comes to certain things, so being a SAHM was too much pressure on me. I'm a control freak so I enjoyed having total control over every minute of my baby's life, but at the same time it was way too much pressure because I could never focus on anything else other than the baby... and I couldn't trust anyone, not even Wagon Sr., with decisions regarding the baby. It made me very paranoid, snappy, and neurotic. While I'm proud of the attention to care he received for the first 18 months of his life, I'm a MUCH better mom when I'm working out of the home. I also hate working from home because I get too distracted by things around the house. (getting something to eat for lunch turns into a giant kitchen cleaning session, etc.)

In any case, I don't think I would have EVER been able to know that about myself unless I had the opportunity to experience both. I'm so glad I did because I feel like if I didn't experience one, I'd always feel resentful that I never got to be that and always wonder if I would have been happier or if it would have been better for my family. Now I know with 100% certainty that I'm making the best decision for myself and my family.

@Leialou: l always thought I would want to SAH mom but I have a flexible career (RN) that I really love, so I settled into working two days a week outside the home. Its a perfect balance for me. Plus I can pick up weekend shifts so LO can be home with DH and I don't have to pay for daycare on those days. I know not everyone has this kind of flexibility.

I never felt as though SAH would be a good fit for me. I need the intellectual stimulation that is provided by work. And my paycheck covers daycare expenses. I'm also fortunate to live in a country with a 1 year parental leave (and some additional time before birth). But I ended up working a little part-time during the first year (2 days a week) and now work 4 days full-time. It's a great fit for our family.

Our decision was mostly economic. I would have been making very little after taxes, so it didn't make sense to pay so much money for daycare. In addition, I had a very generous mat leave, but I was completely panicked about leaving my baby with a stranger (we probably would have had to go the nanny route since daycare wait lists were so long). It's funny because I never imagined myself staying home, both of my parents worked outside the home when I was young, and even through pregnancy, I never really thought about being a SAHM.

The actual decision came down to not finding appropriate daycare in the number of hours and location that we needed.

@Smurfette: OK. What I really meant was, someone else spending more time taking care of my kid, than I do.

@illumina: I think you're going down a slippery slope. I think what you mean is that you want to maximize the time that you have with your child.

To answer the question, I work part time and it's a perfect balance for us. I will go back to full time when our kids are in school.

@looch: @Boheme: To each their own opinion. Maybe "raise" wasn't the most appropriate word. I want to feel like I am her the one taking care of her the majority of the time, as much as I can.

I don't really understand why I am being attacked...the OP asked how we decided. I could pick fault in other's decision making processes on this thread, but I haven't because I don't see how that helps the OP or is relevant.

@illumina: I think that's fine, and I think that's what I deduced from your statement.

never mind.

It's not a choice because we need my income to have any non-essentials. And we aren't willing to live as simply as it would be required on DH's income. Ideal world, I'd work 3 days a week.

I never wanted to be a SAHM, so I knew I would work. I thought about working part-time, but financially, that wasn't feasible for us. I'm very happy being a WOHM now!

Our decision was financial. I always assumed I'd want to SAH after having LO because so many people say they 'wish' they could. But nope - my career is an important part of my identity and having it makes me a better mom. I wouldn't be happy if I SAH full-time, and neither would LO - she gets much more education/stimulation/socialization at daycare than she would if she were home with me all day.

While I miss my son like crazy while I'm at work, I knew that I wasn't cut out to be a SAHM. Even on my maternity leave I found myself vegging with him and watching far too much TV. We also need my income to live the lifestyle we would like -- I always say that I want my son to have everything he NEEDS, but be able to have some of what he WANTS (obviously within reason). I also love what I do and my career choice has a lot of flexibility.

For me, the decision to WOHM is fluid. I'm doing it now but I may reconsider for a couple of years if/when we have more kids. I know that I won't ever take more than 1-2 years off from work, just because I don't see myself being happy just being at home full time for longer than that. My reasons are mostly emotional rather than logical, I guess.

Financially, we could swing it for me to SAH now. We'd definitely have to cut way back on travel and we'd probably save less, but it could be done. But my own dad passed away when I was in college and my little sister was still in HS, and seeing my mom continue her life without my dad (who was the major breadwinner) made me realize how important it was for her to have another means of income. She was also a teacher and usually took a year or 2 off when she had a baby and then would go back to teaching. When my dad passed, she had 24 years of service under her belt and bought out the last year so she could retire early in that state and move to another state and continue working another 10 years for a second retirement. In that same year, two of my friends' parents went through divorces after 30 or more years of marriage and their mother's were left financially devastated. Although they were entitled to some alimony, it was much less than they were used to living on and they had to radically change their lifestyles and neither were qualified to do much other that maybe work at a daycare center or in retail. One ended up moving in with my friend, and she still lives there 4 years later (I guess at this point, will never be moving out). She is younger than my mom, who is happily living independently and financially comfortably.

Seeing that situation up close in my own life made me realize that for me, I am more comfortable having my own career. I don't make near as much as my husband, but I can survive on a teacher's salary and did just fine for many years before I got married. I also like knowing I have my own retirement pension, separate from DH--I mean, I have all plans of us being together for ever but it's nice to know I'll have my own little income in retirement.

That was a novel, sorry! I think every family has to figure out what works best for them and I think every family's situation is different.