How did you feel about trying again after a chemical pregnancy?

By nana87 Feb 22, 2016

How did you feel about trying again after a chemical pregnancy?

I'm feeling...kind of ambivalent. And defeated. My ob wants us to take a month off anyway, and we may take another month off because of a work thing on top of that...So maybe after those couple months I'll be ready again...But for now I'm just feeling sad. I'm in my first fertile window now since my loss and I feel deflated. And also kind of lame for feeling like that, since it was such an early loss, like I don't really have the right to feel sad and should just move on...

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16 comments

JoJoGirl
cantaloupe / 6206 posts

Feb 22, 2016

I didn't have a chemical, but a missed miscarriage this past August (no hb on 8 week ultrasound). And with any loss, definitely give yourself time to heal! It's painful and scary and I wavered back and forth between complete resignation (meh I don't want another baby) and ANXIETY THAT I MUST GET PREGNANT RIGHT AWAY. Just listen to yourself.
nana87
cantaloupe / 6171 posts

Feb 22, 2016

@JoJoGirl: oooh I feel you on the anxiety! At first waiting a month for the dr's advice seemed horrrrible, but I'm kind of glad now, I think it'd be really hard to be trying right now when it's so soon after. But I've definitely had some totally unnecessary (bc it's hopefully only a few extra months) panicking about the potential age gap btw lo and #2 widening
Cherrybee
papaya / 10570 posts

Feb 22, 2016

I lost my first pregnancy just before 5 weeks. It was just like a normal period, just a bit late, but I was devastated - just like you have every right to be.

I couldn't wait to try again and was so convinced we would conceive the next cycle, it threw me for a loop when we didn't. I think I cried more over AF arriving than I did the CP. In retrospect, I wasn't at all ready to TTC again because i hadn't given myself chance to grieve.

I'm so sorry this is happening. You are not lame for feeling sad, its completely understandable. Sending love
catlady
grapefruit / 4988 posts

Feb 22, 2016

It sounds like you need to give yourself some time. You have every right to mourn, no matter how early it was. I have had some later first tri losses and also a chemical, and they have all been hard in their own way. @Cherrybee: This happened to me too, the cycle after my chemical was actually worse.

My chemical was in January and since we didn't conceive the cycle after, I decided to take a couple month break (we also have a vacation coming up and I'd rather not be pregnant or trying at that point). I am actually enjoying the time off. TTC is stressful, especially after a loss.
nana87
cantaloupe / 6171 posts

Feb 22, 2016

@Cherrybee: @catlady: thank you both! I definitely feel relieved that we're not trying right now, I do think I need the time.
MrsKoala
cantaloupe / 6869 posts

Feb 22, 2016

Anxious and maybe a bit desperate to be pregnant? We took a month off as the doctor recommended. Then my DH had second thoughts about the timing of TTC so we took a break (which to be honest, made me upset and angry). In December, we got careless and boom, pregnant again. I'm almost in the second tri and I still don't believe it. I have a bit of an emotional block going on because I'm still so afraid something will go wrong.
travellingbee
hostess / papaya / 10219 posts

Feb 22, 2016

I was mostly frustrated. I wanted to try again right away. I did get pregnant again the next cycle but lost that one too (at almost 7 weeks) After that, I just wanted a mental break. I waited two months after that and then we proceeded with an IUI cycle.
catomd00
grapefruit / 4418 posts

Feb 22, 2016

You have every right to feel however you do - a loss is a loss! I had a CP around 5-6 weeks and it was really upsetting even though we weren't trying and the timing was not good at all. We started trying 6 months after and I was still really scared about another loss. I think it's completely norm, but I tried to remind myself that multiple losses aren't usually the norm and that some things are beyond my control. I'm sorry you're going through this it sucks! I hope you get your sticky baby very soon!
petunia354
pomegranate / 3863 posts

Feb 22, 2016

I totally get how you are feeling!! I had a loss at 8 weeks and a loss at 5.5 weeks and I'm like 99% sure that I don't want to TTC again. After my first loss we waited 2 cycles per my docs advice and I was so desperate to be pregnant again!! We luckily conceived quickly but lost that one early on and although I am devastated, it kind of cemented in my mind that I just have no desire to be pregnant again. We're not making any final decisions now since I'm only 30 and have plenty of time to change our minds but right now I'm done. I waiver between just utter sadness and grief over the picture I had of what my family was going to look like and excitement of the possibilities that being one and done might bring or even the idea of adopting some day which is something I've always been open to. I'm sure I'll change my mind about a 1000x over the next few months but for now, we're taking at least 6 months off to just recuperate and enjoy our little family.

A loss at any time is a loss, you certainly deserve to grieve and feel sad. It's all a part of the process!!
Mrs. Marshmallow
blogger / apricot / 389 posts

Feb 22, 2016

My chemical pregnancy was in October, and after our first month of NTNP. It was kind of a whirlwind of emotions... the first was OMG that happened quick, and then panic over spotting.

It did set us in motion to try and I felt pretty positive about it at first, but then as the cycles went by and I wasn't pregnant again I had a really really tough time in December. I finally allowed myself to grieve the first loss, because it almost felt so brief that it wasn't real or something and I was so quickly trying to replace it.

It took us four cycles to get pregnant again... and I just got my positive yesterday! I feel pretty good about it so far, my lines are darker today and my first test at 11dpo was darker than the positive I got at 15dpo with our CP.

Anyway, allow yourself to feel the loss. It is real, it did happen. And you do deserve and have the right to be sad.
nana87
cantaloupe / 6171 posts

Feb 22, 2016

thank you all so much, it makes me so sad to read about all of your experiences, and I'm so sorry you all have experienced losses. but also, I feel so much less alone most people I know irl who have had losses (or at least who talked about it) had them much later so it seems trivial in comparison (like, my sil was past 20 weeks...). but it is real, and I am grieving

@narwhal: omg, the whirlwind of emotions you described is exactly what we had--it was our first cycle trying, and we didn't even ditch condoms until after I thought my fertile window had already passed so it was just unbelievable to get a plus, and then to have that hope dashed so quickly just...sucked. congratulations on your positive yesterday!
Mrs. Marshmallow
blogger / apricot / 389 posts

Feb 22, 2016

@nana87: Same story! I actually thought I had ovulated already as well. My best advice is to acknowledge the craziness of this situation, feel your hurt, feel your loss! A loss is a loss.
LovelyPlum
eggplant / 11408 posts

Feb 22, 2016

First: You have the right to feel however you feel. Period, end of discussion. A loss is a loss, no matter how early. Your feelings are real, and valid. Honor them.

If you're not ready, that's fine. I was a hot mess both times. The first time, I was desperate to get pregnant again right that very second. The second time, I was scared out of my mind to try again, though still strangely found it hard to wait. Everyone reacts differently. Also, don't forget that even early losses are hard on you, both mentally and physically. Take all the time you need. You'll get there when you're good and ready.

Lots of love, friend
winniebee
hostess / wonderful grape / 20803 posts

Feb 22, 2016

Kind of numb. I've had 5 early losses, 4 in the last year. I'm never excited to "try" again so we don't really try. We just have sex if we feel like it and if I get pregnant, that's fine. It just so happens that I'm really good at getting pregnant, but terrible at keeping the pregnancy. Every time I get pregnant again it's terrifying. I haven't been waiting in between losses, my doc said there was no need to (although the first time I had a loss my doc told me to and I did). I think you truly need to do what feels right....for me, the anxiety and obsessing is there whether I wait or not. And I'm 35, closing in on 36 and our youngest is 14 months and I just want to either have a 3rd soon or not at all. I just can't deal with more losses and other issues into my late 30s.

The whole process stinks. And even early losses can be very painful and affect you in a big way. It's ok to feel what you are feeling. Be kind to yourself
LovelyPlum
eggplant / 11408 posts

Feb 22, 2016

@MrsKoala: I was so desperate. I'm so glad things are going well for you right now. Sending you and bub and
LovelyPlum
eggplant / 11408 posts

Feb 22, 2016

@winniebee: every time I see a post of yours, my heart breaks for you. I hope you're done with losses forever