I should preface my post by saying I swear I am not insane. My DH and I have three girls under three- pre-#3 I really talked myself up to "this is the last one, get over it" because I need knee surgery pretty badly and another baby could throw a wrench in any post-surgery progress I would (hopefully) make. You would think with 3 under 3 I would be ready to perform my own hysterectomy with a can opener (my husband has suggested a homespun vasectomy once or twice haha), but I'm inherently sad at the prospect of not having a fourth which was our original family plan.
I'm getting Mirena placed fairly soon with the intention of DH getting a vasectomy for his 30th next year (he is pretty at peace with this decision). Moms who are done, how did you know you were done? How did you become okay with it? Is it possible to NEVER feel done even though you need to or should be?
TIA for an thoughts you might have
pineapple / 12566 posts
I'm sorry that you feel unsettled with your decision. For me, I only wanted two and that's what I have. The decision has remained firm and even clearer in my mind the further we get from babyhood, my youngest is almost 22 months.
persimmon / 1043 posts
No advice, I can only share in what you're feeling. We will have 3 under 3.5 and I always thought we would stop at 3 max, but for some reason it's hard to think/say I'm done! And DH isn't on board w getting a vasectomy so that complicates my feelings even more lol
kiwi / 597 posts
LO #2 isn't here yet so I can't say for 100% certain, but I feel really content in our decision to be two and through. DH and I don't really enjoy the chaos and non-stop attention that infants/young toddlers need. Things are getting so much easier and more fun now that DS is two and we can't imagine going back to that stage for a third time on top of juggling two other kids. I know it's short lived, but for us two seems to be the perfect fit for our family. Even still though, we're only in our early 30's so the thought of making that decision permanent makes me nervous. If you don't feel at peace with your decision is it possible to wait before you take permanent measures?
GOLD / wonderful olive / 19030 posts
I completely understand your feeling, I've got two which was always our original plan, I was so set on 2 and DH would have preferred 3. After #2 was born, I suddenly had a change of heart and want 3, while DH decided he feels 2 completes our family. So, we made the decision this week to sell all our baby stuff and to me that is the way we decided we were done. I'm still secretly holding out hope that we decide for a 3rd in a few years when #1 starts school and we will just buy used stuff to replace what we sell, but I don't want to store all this stuff (limited space in our house) without being certain we are going to have another.
papaya / 10570 posts
I'm not sure that I will ever be at peace about closing the door permanently because it's just so final. I mean, what if I change my mind??? Argh!
blogger / grapefruit / 4836 posts
My original plan was also 4, but pregnancy was really hard on me with the two I have, and we decided to be done after the second. My heart is still open to fostering or possibly adopting later down the road, but I know that biologically we are done. I think you have to just determine the best thing for your family and trust that it will all be okay. If you don't really trust that, maybe you aren't really done yet?
persimmon / 1188 posts
I think it will take awhile for me to be ok with being done. Right now a second is up in the air, but I know after that my husband will be 100% done. In his family, everyone has two kids, I almost want to have an extra one to rebel. I'm one of three and have a lot of cousins so I find it strange that every single family on his side only has two children.
wonderful cherry / 21504 posts
@skipper2010: I am in the same boat. Pregnant with our second and it is HARD- I really cannot imagine doing this again, so that helps me feel at peace. But I can't say how I will feel after she is born and I get to see my girls together. Our plan is for me to get a mirena after this one is born, and reevaluate when it's time for a new one- at which point I'll be almost 40 anyway.
While I feel 98% sure this is it, I am 100% not ready for any permanent measures.
Also, dh has mentioned the possibility of a 3rd to try for a boy, but right now I'm not on board.
apricot / 427 posts
@Mrs. Lion: This is what worries me- that I will one day regret closing up shop when I wasn't really ready to be done. But with the logistical issues with my knees it almost seems selfish for me to entertain...very frustrating.
Thanks for your thoughts so far ladies
grapefruit / 4580 posts
@LuLu Mom: good for you for taking the steps to move the baby stuff out! I'm in a similar boat, always wanted 3 kids (DH wanted 4!), but findin my two really difficult right now (at 3 yrs and 16 months), so it's hard to imagine adding a third anytine soon...though in my heart looking down the road to when they're older, two seems too few...). So I'm still hoarding the majority of the clothes/toys/gear, wondering if it's a colossal waste of time and space (esp. Since it's all very pink, so we could still have one more and not use it!!!)
clementine / 990 posts
Before I was even pregnant, I had this notion that we had to decide how many kids we wanted before we even started. Which was making me insane. Finally my husband said "why don't we just start with one and go from there...?" I had never considered having only one before that moment.
For me, weighing the pros and cons of just one and what the possibilities meant for just three of us went a long way toward me feeling done.
After she was about 10-12 months and the shock of pregnancy and new parenthood wore off, our family seemed complete. I worried that when she was older I would want another, but she's three and a half and I haven't felt that way yet.
pomegranate / 3192 posts
DS is 28 months, DD is 3 months and I honestly don't think I'll ever feel "done". I think because if we stop at 2 it will be primarily for financial reasons, so it is sad to me that it is because of external circumstances. I feel like it's possible we may have a third in a few more years, but that just might be wishful thinking.