Hellobee Boards

Wow, I can see how you're not excited about Father's Day. People in Brooklyn sound mean! DH has never complained about these issues when out with DD. Maybe he is clueless -- just kidding!!

I think that Father's Day does generally play second fiddle to Mother's Day. We grew up making a bigger deal out of Mother's Day. I don't agree with that though and have a gift ready and made plans for the DH this weekend since he does the same on Mother's Day for me.

@mrs. wagon: haha yeah that's true - good point. Just like in My Big Fat Greek Wedding.

It has upset me how in recent years men can be bashed publicly, but women definitely can't. Especially when you watch talk shows, all those women do is bash and trash talk men and it's awful. But all the women in the audience laugh and nod their heads. It's not right.
If it happened where a women was getting trash-talked by guys on a talk show, the nation would be in an uproar, it wouldn't be tolerated.
It's almost like some type of reverse discrimination going on, gender roles are so blurred now too.

DH hasn't seemed to notice/mind that fathers day is kind of like an after-thought to mothers day. But I couldn't definitely see how it can be viewed as such.

In my family my dad wasn't into holidays, birthdays and gifts. So fathers day was disregarded anyhow, even though we always buy him something or make him dinner, so it was always "second" to mothers day just because of my dad's attitude about it.

@mrbee: I agree with you that men get a bad rap these days as being clueless in general. Unfortunately I think when it comes to parenting in particular this has been the case for a long time. My mom always said she didn't like reading the Berenstain Bears books to us when we were little because they always made the dad look like an idiot.

BUT... I still think you should enjoy father's day. Don't worry about whether or not society treats it as an afterthought. Think about the fact that YOUR wife and YOUR kids are celebrating the fact that they know YOU are a great husband and father!

@mrbee: Nothing in our parenting education classes irritated me more than the constant talking down/patronizing way they treated the men. It was a constant stream of "Oh, those men... what are they like? Aren't they silly and useless..." I was always said with a smile and you could tell "good-naturedly", but it really pissed me off. It's one thing to offer information that men might not have, but another to treat them like 2nd class parents.

My husband has said a few times that he's not that bothered about Father's Day, but I still got him something from me and from our son (I got a gift from each of them on Mother's Day). He's not huge on holidays in general, but I'm working on converting him

So I talked to Wagon Sr. about it and asked him if he's ever gotten dirty looks or anything like that on the playground. His response was "I don't think I've ever looked at a mom's face while at the playground." He also mentioned that there are also always dads at the playground, and one Saturday morning it was actually ALL dads and no moms at all. When I asked if it might be possible that he could be getting suspicious or dirty looks and he's just not noticing, he said that the general feeling he gets when he's among moms is a general sense of respect, admiration, and appreciation.

@Mr. Bee do you tend to be the only man on the playground? It kind of surprises me that moms are so suspicious of a guy at a playground... I would just assume that it's a dad. Then again, we live in very different areas... you live in the city, and maybe people are more suspicious/vigilant in metropolitan areas? We live in the suburbs, and Asians are rare here, so it's almost always evident that Wagon Sr. is Wagon Jr.'s dad. Our playgrounds are also probably not as busy as yours... there's usually only a few other families around. Maybe 8 other kids at the most.

I've felt the same way about how men are treated for years now. I absolutely hate the way movies, cartoons, children's shows, books, etc. treat men. The dad is almost always the deadbeat moron who isn't capable of anything. Even listening to commercials drives me nuts because it's "oh dad's worthless, better call the plumber" type stuff. It sets a horrible example and doesn't teach children to respect men.

I've never thought of it in relation to Father's Day though..we always celebrated just as much as Mother's Day.

I think part of the problem stems from the fact that men (especially white men) have always been the arbiters of power in our society. So as we progress toward equality, maybe there is a component of marginalizing the previously powerful group. I just think about the commercials and sitcoms that make dads out to be buffoons. (think of Phil on modern family).

Mr. Jacks has experienced prejudice pretty acutely as a stay at home dad with comments like, "dad's day out, huh?" or "where's your wife today?". It's as if there is an assumption that any guy who is by himself with kids has nefarious motives. I think that the feeling might be even stronger for the gay dads in our group of friends.

So while I'm glad that women are headed towards more equality (we're not there yet!), I wish it didn't have to be at the expense of men.